Hey,

The thing is I personally don’t know what you need to discuss with him? He has told you exactly how he feels and what he potentially will do, now it’s down to you to absorb the facts and move on. The facts in this case are that he has a girlfriend, he hasn’t got the guts to leave her and he is a cheater. Additionally, he’s possibly a liar and this just might be part of his game. In my opinion that doesn’t in any way sound like boyfriend material and you should be worried if it does. Let’s say he does “leave” his girlfriend, why would you want to start off a new relationship this way? The fact that you already feel “stupid” implies to me that this whole situation ALREADY doesn’t sit right with you so how much more so if you do get into a relationship? Are you willing to deal with the consequences of knowing that your man could possibly leave you the same way you got him? Are you willing to deal with the possibility that your man still has feelings for his ex or is still easily moved by her emotionally? What then happens when he is with you but she comes back around and he “feels sorry” for her? So in my opinion there’s nothing to discuss when it comes to your feelings. If you discuss your feelings with you’re opening yourself up to manipulation, compromise and the possibility that you may settle for less than you deserve.  You’re not on the same page and he can’t possibly do anything for your insecurities/worries in this situation even if you were to enter a relationship. So lock him off and move on and find someone who doesn’t make you feel like second best. Hope this helps lovely. Good luck

-Ebi. A

Hey,

I think he probably assumed from what you asked that you probably either have feelings for him currently or want a relationship. To a certain extent it’s very easy for him to come to that conclusion because for most guys that question usually comes up under those two circumstances. It may be an annoying assumption because you may have valued his conversation but for the fact that you said you “just didn’t want to waste time” tells me he wasn’t too far off. Also, he has probably had experiences with girls whom he told he wasn’t ready for a relationship but they ended up catching feelings and things got messy and he ended up looking like the bad guy. So although it may be extreme to you and it may feel like shit (not denying that) that’s what he probably feels he must do to avoid landing himself in a messy situation. So for him any hint at anything long-term is ABORT MISSION and to a certain extent he might feel like he’s being respectful because he feels like you’re probably not on the same page (which is what I low-key think by you saying you don’t want your time wasted). For example, he may know he just wants to sleep with you and is avoiding all form of contact because he feels like you’re not on the same page and actually doesn’t want to hurt you/be in a messy situation and in this day and age of wastemanism I think that’s the correct thing for him to do. So I think it’s best for you to fall back and leave him be, you can’t force anyone to understand exactly where you’re at, your friends are right, you did do the right thing and in turn you haven’t wasted your time. You just need to move on and if he is ever ready for a friendship he will contact you and then it’s down to you.

-Ebi. A

Heyyy,

If marriage is something you know you can’t compromise on I’d say leave leave leave and the fact that you’re able to think this way a year in is a good sign that you’re not lost in the sauce and you’re aware that it’s not your role to change a man. The only thing is you should do all of this out of love, explain to him marriage isn’t something you are willing to compromise on and although you love him, you think it’s best for him to be with someone who is on the same page as him and it’s best for you to be with someone who you’re on the same page as. If you go about it the right way you could maintain a respectful friendship. You’re young, there are plenty of guys out there who see marriage in their future, so don’t settle for less, don’t let him pressure you or convince you into believing marriage isn’t that big of a deal (because it is to YOU). Best of luck.

-Ebi- A

Hey,

Well there’s nothing much you can do, things like this happen just keep it in mind next time. If he’s ready to talk to you he will, he might not even be that mad, might just be busy. So wait it out, if he doesn’t message, leave it at that after all he’s just a random guy you met at a club one weekend haha, anymore effort would be a bit too much. Best of luck.

-Ebi. A

Hey,

What you need to do is realise that he probably wasn’t as naive as he’s claiming to be to the fact that you thought you were more than “friends”. The facts are he is extremely comfortable with the situation he has with you. He said he “loved you”, had sex with you, you confronted him, he said “I thought we were just friends”, you made it clear that that’s not how you felt but continued to sleep with him. Out of all of this what incentive does he have to change the way things are set up, when all he has to do is say “I miss you” to get back with you? (Don’t get me wrong he’s clearly a waste man) but what I’m trying to make you see is that YOU are the one that needs to lock him off because he has no incentive to lock you off. He is NOT your “friend”, because friends don’t play each other especially when they’re aware that the other person is NOT on the same page and wants more, a real friend would fall back because they care about your feelings and your friendship matters more. So the only way you can change this is to cut him off completely. Block him on everything and go cold turkey. You are aware that he is sleeping with other girls and I’m sure you don’t want him to bring you an STD and yes it can happen to any one of us, so keep that at the back of your mind when thoughts of unblocking him cross your mind. Block/unfollow/mute all those that interact with him so you don’t have to see anything to do with him and throw yourself into the things you love to do, distract yourself with good friends, gym, things you’re talented at.  Finally, you’re not alone, we all have had these moments when we’re stuck on a guy that isn’t serious and the friendly crappy guys are the hardest to shake off. Just learn from it and stop blocking yourself from true happiness, when you let go of rubbish situations your skin begins to glow, I mean look at Ciara girl haha.

Best of luck.

-Ebi. A