There’s clearly this vicious cycle that you both have and it’s not working. You have to accept that perhaps this might not be the relationship for you. There’s that quote of how insanity is described. You know, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a new result. You’re constantly looking for a new result and it’s not happening. You have to understand and come to terms with him not changing, the faster you do the less you’ll honestly be surprised. Th most I can advice, is that you talk about it with him but also take some time out and ask yourself if you can carry on doing /feeling like this forever.

There are many times in a woman’s life where she will appreciate being alone but I think it is safe to say that even the most independent of women can’t turn a blind eye to Valentine’s Day – whether loved or loathed – it is undeniably hanging on the tip of tongues as we edge closer towards the date. Love is definitely in the air but during such a relationship-focused celebration where is a single woman’s place on Valentine’s Day?

If you scour the Internet you will be sure to find articles compiling a list of suggestions for a single woman to successfully navigate her way through Valentine’s Day unscathed. For example, … read more HERE 

Hey lovely,

YOU have the final say. Post-abortive depression is real. Post-abortive regret is real. DO NOT HAVE AN ABORTION TO PLEASE ANYONE. Listen girl, it’s not worth it. If you terminate that child knowing full well you want it, you may end up despising him, especially if he doesn’t emotionally support you in the way you feel you need, which is why women who abort and battle with regret often seek counselling. There’s only a certain extent to which he can understand your pain too, no-one will feel that pain like you will, not even your friends. You may even have to deal with the opinions of others with no regards for your ordeal/experience and no empathy.  Regret is so toxic and thoughts are even more toxic. You could find yourself obsessing over birthdays/how he or she would have looked, whether it was a boy or girl. Depending on how far you are, you won’t be able to all of a sudden un-feel what you currently feel inside you. Furthermore, the truth is that he [your boyfriend] can walk straight out of your life when you terminate and leave YOU to face your pain alone. I’m not saying child-birth/having a child is easy especially within such uncertain circumstances, but please do not underestimate the torment that can come with aborting a child you wanted to keep and definitely don’t underestimate a man’s ability to walk straight out of your life even after you gave up something that meant so much to you. Look at it this way, you keep the child, he leaves you, your child will help ease the blow (although it won’t be easy and not saying that’s the only reason why people should have kids). You don’t have the child, he leaves you, (in some cases leaves and then has a child with someone else in future) that pain is  even more complex. I hope that puts it all into perspective.  (PS. All this advice is based on aborting a child YOU want to keep just to please your partner). Good luck. Go with YOUR gut instinct.

-Ebi. A

Hey lovely,

If a title is what you want and he’s insistent on not providing that title/the clarity you need, what you do my friend is run. Run forrest run. Run and don’t look back.

-Ebi. A

Hey,

The thing is I personally don’t know what you need to discuss with him? He has told you exactly how he feels and what he potentially will do, now it’s down to you to absorb the facts and move on. The facts in this case are that he has a girlfriend, he hasn’t got the guts to leave her and he is a cheater. Additionally, he’s possibly a liar and this just might be part of his game. In my opinion that doesn’t in any way sound like boyfriend material and you should be worried if it does. Let’s say he does “leave” his girlfriend, why would you want to start off a new relationship this way? The fact that you already feel “stupid” implies to me that this whole situation ALREADY doesn’t sit right with you so how much more so if you do get into a relationship? Are you willing to deal with the consequences of knowing that your man could possibly leave you the same way you got him? Are you willing to deal with the possibility that your man still has feelings for his ex or is still easily moved by her emotionally? What then happens when he is with you but she comes back around and he “feels sorry” for her? So in my opinion there’s nothing to discuss when it comes to your feelings. If you discuss your feelings with you’re opening yourself up to manipulation, compromise and the possibility that you may settle for less than you deserve.  You’re not on the same page and he can’t possibly do anything for your insecurities/worries in this situation even if you were to enter a relationship. So lock him off and move on and find someone who doesn’t make you feel like second best. Hope this helps lovely. Good luck

-Ebi. A