Hey lovely,

It’s about what you’re willing to tolerate. I’d personally say work on yourself and call it quits with him because you are not currently on the same page and no matter how long you have known him, if you’re not on the same page, it’s usually a disaster waiting to happen. So if you value your friendship and you care about what he’s going through right now I’d say fall back. If you feel you’re not ready to date again that’s perfectly fine but do not pursue/force anything with him because you’ll only have yourself to blame when it doesn’t work and wouldn’t you want someone who wants you just how you want them? View it as right now he doesn’t want you how you want him and stop holding onto possibilities until that changes, if it ever  does, but your life shouldn’t be on pause until then, work on yourself and when you’re ready to date again and if he is ever ready he will come to you.

Ebi. A.

Hey,

This situation is very messy for many reasons. One I personally do think you and her other friends are far too involved in her love life than you need to be and I’m saying this not just for her but for you guys. I think as far as her actions are concerned, she doesn’t seem to care that much for any advice, she even sounds like she’s the type to divulge all this information (presuming that’s how you got this info in the first place) and ask for advice and not take it. I’m personally  a strong believer in the idea that “if you don’t hear you must feel”. It may sound harsh but sometimes in life we have to learn lessons by ourselves and good friends will be there at the end to pick you up. When you involve yourself too much in someones messy situation no matter how close they might be, you get burnt out and you’ll probably find that you don’t have that much energy to deal with the situation when it all comes crashing down. So what I’d do personally is say exactly what I feel about the situation in the most explicit way possible (no sugarcoating whilst still maintaining an overall level of sensitivity) and say that you’d respect it if she chooses not to listen to your advice in future, to at least have the courtesy to not come seeking your advice as regularly as she does or lessen the amount of times she brings the situation up to you, so that it doesn’t affect your friendship. As for her she’ll learn, the unfortunate thing is it might take her to get burnt to finally learn. Just remember you’re not her mother. Lastly despite what she puts out there, or how pretty you may think she thinks she is, she’s clearly insecure going by what she’s tolerating, so take her apparent ego with a pinch of salt and try and build her up, give her the healthy type of confidence, help her work on the hurt/insecurities on the inside, but don’t lose yourself trying to help her find herself and only do what you can. Ps. The guy is clearly unserious from what you have said but we’ve all been there, she needs to learn that lesson for herself.

Ebi. A

Hey lovely,

Yes that’s perfectly fine but see here’s the thing, if a guy is really interested in you he’ll put in the effort or at least meet you half way if you get what I mean. So if you find yourself doing that consistently in a situation then it’s probably not really going anywhere (in some cases he might just be extremely comfy with the fact that he hasn’t had to do anything). So I would say go for it when it comes to initiating things/taking that first step and maybe sometimes in the early stages but if it becomes a consistent thing, abort mission and find someone who is at the very least willing to meet you half way. In this life forcing things is something you really shouldn’t have to do because it never ends well.

Ebi A

Hey,

All you need to do is emphasise how important a solid foundation is to you. I’m not a believer in hints when it comes to stuff like this. For anyone who is very aware that can come across patronising and rude. Just directly say to him that you love how things are going but you’re worried that it’s just going to fizzle out (you could even say this is based on past experience if it is) so you’d rather build on the things you think are important, give examples…then take initiative so you can put into practice what you mean, e.g go on dates that will force you to focus/work on those things. It’s something that can’t be forced but you do need to make him aware or it will frustrate you.

Ebi. A

Hey,

There are endless possibilities. One thing is for sure though, he’s rude (in a dating sense). Ignoring one message or two to continue on the next day or at a later date can happen especially with a busy schedule but one thing’s for sure, if he’s consistently ignoring your messages and his phone is clearly still functioning or he’s doing the most on social media then he’s simply just not that into you anymore. (You don’t have to communicate everyday but outright ignoring messages isn’t a good sign imo). So the control you have over this is to keep it pushing and if he comes with a valid excuse/reason you can entertain that as and when.

Ebi. A