Hey,

I think he probably assumed from what you asked that you probably either have feelings for him currently or want a relationship. To a certain extent it’s very easy for him to come to that conclusion because for most guys that question usually comes up under those two circumstances. It may be an annoying assumption because you may have valued his conversation but for the fact that you said you “just didn’t want to waste time” tells me he wasn’t too far off. Also, he has probably had experiences with girls whom he told he wasn’t ready for a relationship but they ended up catching feelings and things got messy and he ended up looking like the bad guy. So although it may be extreme to you and it may feel like shit (not denying that) that’s what he probably feels he must do to avoid landing himself in a messy situation. So for him any hint at anything long-term is ABORT MISSION and to a certain extent he might feel like he’s being respectful because he feels like you’re probably not on the same page (which is what I low-key think by you saying you don’t want your time wasted). For example, he may know he just wants to sleep with you and is avoiding all form of contact because he feels like you’re not on the same page and actually doesn’t want to hurt you/be in a messy situation and in this day and age of wastemanism I think that’s the correct thing for him to do. So I think it’s best for you to fall back and leave him be, you can’t force anyone to understand exactly where you’re at, your friends are right, you did do the right thing and in turn you haven’t wasted your time. You just need to move on and if he is ever ready for a friendship he will contact you and then it’s down to you.

-Ebi. A

Heyyy,

If marriage is something you know you can’t compromise on I’d say leave leave leave and the fact that you’re able to think this way a year in is a good sign that you’re not lost in the sauce and you’re aware that it’s not your role to change a man. The only thing is you should do all of this out of love, explain to him marriage isn’t something you are willing to compromise on and although you love him, you think it’s best for him to be with someone who is on the same page as him and it’s best for you to be with someone who you’re on the same page as. If you go about it the right way you could maintain a respectful friendship. You’re young, there are plenty of guys out there who see marriage in their future, so don’t settle for less, don’t let him pressure you or convince you into believing marriage isn’t that big of a deal (because it is to YOU). Best of luck.

-Ebi- A

Hey,

Well there’s nothing much you can do, things like this happen just keep it in mind next time. If he’s ready to talk to you he will, he might not even be that mad, might just be busy. So wait it out, if he doesn’t message, leave it at that after all he’s just a random guy you met at a club one weekend haha, anymore effort would be a bit too much. Best of luck.

-Ebi. A

Hey,

What you need to do is realise that he probably wasn’t as naive as he’s claiming to be to the fact that you thought you were more than “friends”. The facts are he is extremely comfortable with the situation he has with you. He said he “loved you”, had sex with you, you confronted him, he said “I thought we were just friends”, you made it clear that that’s not how you felt but continued to sleep with him. Out of all of this what incentive does he have to change the way things are set up, when all he has to do is say “I miss you” to get back with you? (Don’t get me wrong he’s clearly a waste man) but what I’m trying to make you see is that YOU are the one that needs to lock him off because he has no incentive to lock you off. He is NOT your “friend”, because friends don’t play each other especially when they’re aware that the other person is NOT on the same page and wants more, a real friend would fall back because they care about your feelings and your friendship matters more. So the only way you can change this is to cut him off completely. Block him on everything and go cold turkey. You are aware that he is sleeping with other girls and I’m sure you don’t want him to bring you an STD and yes it can happen to any one of us, so keep that at the back of your mind when thoughts of unblocking him cross your mind. Block/unfollow/mute all those that interact with him so you don’t have to see anything to do with him and throw yourself into the things you love to do, distract yourself with good friends, gym, things you’re talented at.  Finally, you’re not alone, we all have had these moments when we’re stuck on a guy that isn’t serious and the friendly crappy guys are the hardest to shake off. Just learn from it and stop blocking yourself from true happiness, when you let go of rubbish situations your skin begins to glow, I mean look at Ciara girl haha.

Best of luck.

-Ebi. A

Hey sorry to hear that. We’ll see to it that this is posted, but I think it’s important to let you know that so many similar asks come up and it’s not for certain that she happens to read this one. She may see that initial, question it for a second, then dismiss it, after all she didn’t exactly leave him so she may think he couldn’t possibly do such to her. So if maintaining your privacy is the issue, you can call into the clinic where you got tested and received your results and get them to contact her on your behalf. It is so important that you do that because you can’t count on her partner to tell her and there are many potential long term effects if this goes unnoticed. Get well soon x

-Ebi. A