Hey lovely,

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Just want to let you know that you will be okay, you might be scared and worried but you will be fine. Now to tell you the truth, lying about a termination is never the way to go, you can have all the reasons in the world but depending on his views that could be a painful thing to just drop on him, all sorts of crazy thoughts going through his mind. Now you did the right thing to tell him the truth but as hard as it may be, your focus should be on you, your welfare and your baby and your baby’s future. The reason I say this is because obsessing over whether or not he will talk to you cannot be healthy for you. He may or may not, we cannot answer that for sure, you are the one carrying the child and the guy can walk in and out whenever he wants unfortunately. The right thing for him to do is step-up and talk to you. By lying to him he may now doubt whether the baby is his but you can always get a test to prove that at a later date. But what you must know is whatever the response, life does go on. You need to surround yourself with family members, friends, a counsellor, people who care about you and look to them. He is significantly older than you so be very wary of attempts to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do, which is why I think it’s best to get your family involved, that way he will have to deal with grown adults and not just you, it will also mean you’re not dealing with the back and forth all by yourself. Just trust that everything will be fine lovely, you’re not on your own. Best of luck & congratulations xxx

-Ebi A

Hey,

Firstly I think you need to slow down. Sometimes in life when we haven’t got much going on in the relationship department we start to obsess over things and look back at prior situations as though they were better than they really are. The facts are he was talking to you and he betrayed your trust by sleeping with someone else you knew which hurt you and led you to cut ties with the two. Although, you were young and time has passed it’s important to consider the fact that doesn’t necessarily mean someone has changed for the better and you are both suddenly compatible and “meant to be”. I think what is worrying is the fact that you think you are the one to make him happy. You are aware he has anger management issues and you want to be the one to fix that? The fact that you want to do that as his girlfriend/someone he is romantically involved with instead of just as a friend means for one reason or another you have not yet addressed some issues you may have? Maybe you’re the “fixer” (going by what you have said) and that’s something you need to address and focus on dealing with beforehand because it can leave you easily susceptible to different kinds of toxic relationships/situations. At best enter his life as a friend, he needs to combat his demons first and as a friend you can help him do that, this is assuming he shares the same feelings towards you. Also try and come to an understanding that just because you’ve had a few failed relationships after him doesn’t necessarily mean he is the one for you and doesn’t mean you can’t find someone who will love you the way you want to be loved other than him. Lastly don’t turn up at his house, that’s definitely a crazy move unless you plan to “visit his sister”. I’d ask his sister for his number and communicate with him that way first.

-Ebi.A

Hey lovely,

It’s all about the other individual. The only thing you can do is communicate. If talking doesn’t help maybe try writing it down and sending it to him or giving it to him in person. But if he doesn’t want to be back with you it won’t happen so I also think you need to prepare yourself for that possibility and deal with that hurt as well. But sometimes it does work out and that usually happens when both people are willing to hear each other out. So arrange to meet him or talk to him, when you see each other you’ll be able to see by his body language and what comes out of his mouth exactly how he feels. But you need to have all your points together, everything you want to genuinely apologise for, everything you didn’t like, everything you did like and be aware it could get messy but sometimes it needs to get messy for you to move on from everything and start off again with a clean slate. Best of luck girl.

Ebi. A

Hey lovely,

It’s about what you’re willing to tolerate. I’d personally say work on yourself and call it quits with him because you are not currently on the same page and no matter how long you have known him, if you’re not on the same page, it’s usually a disaster waiting to happen. So if you value your friendship and you care about what he’s going through right now I’d say fall back. If you feel you’re not ready to date again that’s perfectly fine but do not pursue/force anything with him because you’ll only have yourself to blame when it doesn’t work and wouldn’t you want someone who wants you just how you want them? View it as right now he doesn’t want you how you want him and stop holding onto possibilities until that changes, if it ever  does, but your life shouldn’t be on pause until then, work on yourself and when you’re ready to date again and if he is ever ready he will come to you.

Ebi. A.

Hey,

This situation is very messy for many reasons. One I personally do think you and her other friends are far too involved in her love life than you need to be and I’m saying this not just for her but for you guys. I think as far as her actions are concerned, she doesn’t seem to care that much for any advice, she even sounds like she’s the type to divulge all this information (presuming that’s how you got this info in the first place) and ask for advice and not take it. I’m personally  a strong believer in the idea that “if you don’t hear you must feel”. It may sound harsh but sometimes in life we have to learn lessons by ourselves and good friends will be there at the end to pick you up. When you involve yourself too much in someones messy situation no matter how close they might be, you get burnt out and you’ll probably find that you don’t have that much energy to deal with the situation when it all comes crashing down. So what I’d do personally is say exactly what I feel about the situation in the most explicit way possible (no sugarcoating whilst still maintaining an overall level of sensitivity) and say that you’d respect it if she chooses not to listen to your advice in future, to at least have the courtesy to not come seeking your advice as regularly as she does or lessen the amount of times she brings the situation up to you, so that it doesn’t affect your friendship. As for her she’ll learn, the unfortunate thing is it might take her to get burnt to finally learn. Just remember you’re not her mother. Lastly despite what she puts out there, or how pretty you may think she thinks she is, she’s clearly insecure going by what she’s tolerating, so take her apparent ego with a pinch of salt and try and build her up, give her the healthy type of confidence, help her work on the hurt/insecurities on the inside, but don’t lose yourself trying to help her find herself and only do what you can. Ps. The guy is clearly unserious from what you have said but we’ve all been there, she needs to learn that lesson for herself.

Ebi. A