Hey lovely,

YOU have the final say. Post-abortive depression is real. Post-abortive regret is real. DO NOT HAVE AN ABORTION TO PLEASE ANYONE. Listen girl, it’s not worth it. If you terminate that child knowing full well you want it, you may end up despising him, especially if he doesn’t emotionally support you in the way you feel you need, which is why women who abort and battle with regret often seek counselling. There’s only a certain extent to which he can understand your pain too, no-one will feel that pain like you will, not even your friends. You may even have to deal with the opinions of others with no regards for your ordeal/experience and no empathy.  Regret is so toxic and thoughts are even more toxic. You could find yourself obsessing over birthdays/how he or she would have looked, whether it was a boy or girl. Depending on how far you are, you won’t be able to all of a sudden un-feel what you currently feel inside you. Furthermore, the truth is that he [your boyfriend] can walk straight out of your life when you terminate and leave YOU to face your pain alone. I’m not saying child-birth/having a child is easy especially within such uncertain circumstances, but please do not underestimate the torment that can come with aborting a child you wanted to keep and definitely don’t underestimate a man’s ability to walk straight out of your life even after you gave up something that meant so much to you. Look at it this way, you keep the child, he leaves you, your child will help ease the blow (although it won’t be easy and not saying that’s the only reason why people should have kids). You don’t have the child, he leaves you, (in some cases leaves and then has a child with someone else in future) that pain is  even more complex. I hope that puts it all into perspective.  (PS. All this advice is based on aborting a child YOU want to keep just to please your partner). Good luck. Go with YOUR gut instinct.

-Ebi. A

Hey lovely,

If a title is what you want and he’s insistent on not providing that title/the clarity you need, what you do my friend is run. Run forrest run. Run and don’t look back.

-Ebi. A

Hey,

The thing is I personally don’t know what you need to discuss with him? He has told you exactly how he feels and what he potentially will do, now it’s down to you to absorb the facts and move on. The facts in this case are that he has a girlfriend, he hasn’t got the guts to leave her and he is a cheater. Additionally, he’s possibly a liar and this just might be part of his game. In my opinion that doesn’t in any way sound like boyfriend material and you should be worried if it does. Let’s say he does “leave” his girlfriend, why would you want to start off a new relationship this way? The fact that you already feel “stupid” implies to me that this whole situation ALREADY doesn’t sit right with you so how much more so if you do get into a relationship? Are you willing to deal with the consequences of knowing that your man could possibly leave you the same way you got him? Are you willing to deal with the possibility that your man still has feelings for his ex or is still easily moved by her emotionally? What then happens when he is with you but she comes back around and he “feels sorry” for her? So in my opinion there’s nothing to discuss when it comes to your feelings. If you discuss your feelings with you’re opening yourself up to manipulation, compromise and the possibility that you may settle for less than you deserve.  You’re not on the same page and he can’t possibly do anything for your insecurities/worries in this situation even if you were to enter a relationship. So lock him off and move on and find someone who doesn’t make you feel like second best. Hope this helps lovely. Good luck

-Ebi. A

Hey,

I think he probably assumed from what you asked that you probably either have feelings for him currently or want a relationship. To a certain extent it’s very easy for him to come to that conclusion because for most guys that question usually comes up under those two circumstances. It may be an annoying assumption because you may have valued his conversation but for the fact that you said you “just didn’t want to waste time” tells me he wasn’t too far off. Also, he has probably had experiences with girls whom he told he wasn’t ready for a relationship but they ended up catching feelings and things got messy and he ended up looking like the bad guy. So although it may be extreme to you and it may feel like shit (not denying that) that’s what he probably feels he must do to avoid landing himself in a messy situation. So for him any hint at anything long-term is ABORT MISSION and to a certain extent he might feel like he’s being respectful because he feels like you’re probably not on the same page (which is what I low-key think by you saying you don’t want your time wasted). For example, he may know he just wants to sleep with you and is avoiding all form of contact because he feels like you’re not on the same page and actually doesn’t want to hurt you/be in a messy situation and in this day and age of wastemanism I think that’s the correct thing for him to do. So I think it’s best for you to fall back and leave him be, you can’t force anyone to understand exactly where you’re at, your friends are right, you did do the right thing and in turn you haven’t wasted your time. You just need to move on and if he is ever ready for a friendship he will contact you and then it’s down to you.

-Ebi. A

Heyyy,

If marriage is something you know you can’t compromise on I’d say leave leave leave and the fact that you’re able to think this way a year in is a good sign that you’re not lost in the sauce and you’re aware that it’s not your role to change a man. The only thing is you should do all of this out of love, explain to him marriage isn’t something you are willing to compromise on and although you love him, you think it’s best for him to be with someone who is on the same page as him and it’s best for you to be with someone who you’re on the same page as. If you go about it the right way you could maintain a respectful friendship. You’re young, there are plenty of guys out there who see marriage in their future, so don’t settle for less, don’t let him pressure you or convince you into believing marriage isn’t that big of a deal (because it is to YOU). Best of luck.

-Ebi- A