Heyyy,

It’s all about what you value more. Sometimes there are things we’re just not willing to compromise on and you need to ask yourself honestly whether this is one of them. No-one is perfect but you owe it to yourself to nip something that you know for sure probably won’t work out in the long-term earlier on to avoid unnecessary stress. Don’t force anything. The being supported by her parents thing isn’t bad because she’s 21, she’s still young. But the no ambition aspect of things is something you need to think long and hard about and you must think about it without convincing yourself that you can change her in any way. You do need to take into consideration though that having no ambition is different to being lost/unsure about where/who she wants to be in life which is common for most young people. So maybe observe her a little bit more, pick her brains and try and see whether her apparent content with where she is might just be her way of coping with being/feeling lost, we all act way more content with life than we really are. Has she given you any signs that she wants to change that aspect of her life? If not it’s only fair that you leave her to someone who will accept her for who she is now and right now you’re having second thoughts on whether or not you can do that. Hope this helped.

-Ebi. A

Hey girl,

What you do is leave him alone. Let him prosper and find your own man or address the reasons why you get bored easily, fix those issues and you can prosper too.

-Ebi. A

Hey girl,

Without sounding rude is your boyfriends suit alright? At least if he’s going to block you over something like this he should have a decent discussion with you and explain why he thinks you’re overreacting. I personally think everyone is different but I do think it’s all down to the kind of photos he’s liking (there are respectful ways to go about these things). If it’s normal photos of his female friends (so no naked, inappropriate or sexual pictures) then you might have trust issues that need to be addressed. Try not to make it just about the pictures if it’s more than just the pictures because then it just makes you look crazy when there may actually be valid emotions behind your argument. I think you should reach out to him and communicate exactly why you have an issue with it down to the very last detail and try to come to some sort of compromise/understanding.

-Ebi. A

Hey girl,

You need to dead this one. He’s not serious. You’ll swiftly become the side if you’re not careful and when you get burnt he will say “I did tell you I had a girlfriend” and when you feel like snitching to his girlfriend, he would have already painted you out to be a lying demonic side and she will stay with him because she’s stupid in love. He wants to enjoy both of you, he’s simply being the demon that he is. Guys say all sorts of rubbish to get what they want and that includes saying “I have feelings for you”, yes it’s moist but that’s just reality, don’t ignore the signs. Lock him off, don’t bother explaining. move on and prosper. (Blocking him on everything might be your best option, 7 months is long and I can imagine you may feel invested, so go cold turkey, it works in time). Good luck.

-Ebi. A

Hey lovely,

Firstly you’re not alone, this happens a lot, so don’t be too hard on yourself but at the same time I’m going to have to keep it real. Yes you can sleep with someone for 4.5 years and still not love them, it’s important not to assume that just because you may not find it easy to separate sex and having a child for him from love, that he automatically has to be the same. The truth is there’s a difference between being comfortable/the usual and love. There are also different forms of love, he can have love for you or love you because you’re the mother of his child but that doesn’t mean he loves you in the sense that he ever sees a relationship with you, after all 4.5 years in and still no relationship? Had there not been a child involved would you spend 4.5 years chasing one man who has shown you time and time again that he doesn’t want to commit? The fact that you even identified it as “messy” suggests that you even know that it’s not a healthy or positive example for your child.

What you need to do is come to terms with the fact that he won’t commit to you and even if he does eventually maybe 10 years later when he has exhausted all his options and picked you because it’s “convenient”  just know you settled and you deserved better. The honest truth is even though he has said he doesn’t want to commit to anyone he might just mean he doesn’t want to commit to you which is often the case and that at any point he can find someone he is willing to commit too and make her your child’s stepmother in a flash, leaving you 7 years in unhappy and without that partner you desire. Eventually, when he finds someone he really cares about all this “cutting off relationships for each other stuff” will end and he will do whatever he needs to do to keep that relationship which means no more sleeping with you.

You need to find a way of keeping these facts at the forefront of your mind and understand that you can either continue ruining potentially happy relationships for a guy who will never commit or learn to be firm and choose your happiness for once. You need to allow yourself to experience guys that treat you how you want to be treated. Talk to your friends and tell them you want to go out more, you don’t even have to date again just meet guys so YOU KNOW FOR SURE what’s out there and that you’re the shxt and you’ve still got it. Then when you’re ready, date again (only guy’s who know what they want, stay away from confused boys). Other practical things you can do is have friends around when he comes to collect your child and make sure it’s rarely a late night thing or make sure you have to meet people or have things to do soon after he comes round so that you don’t have any incentive to sleep with him. Lastly, stop ignoring the decent guy hollering at you even if he becomes a friend. Good luck.

-Ebi.A