For The Single Women On Valentine’s Day
There are many times in a woman’s life where she will appreciate being alone but I think it is safe to say that even the most independent of women can’t turn a blind eye to Valentine’s Day – whether loved or loathed – it is undeniably hanging on the tip of tongues as we edge closer towards the date. Love is definitely in the air but during such a relationship-focused celebration where is a single woman’s place on Valentine’s Day?
If you scour the Internet you will be sure to find articles compiling a list of suggestions for a single woman to successfully navigate her way through Valentine’s Day unscathed. For example, treating herself to a spa day or even taking up an activity – the overall aim being to make the day about you – not to say that this is a bad thing, just because you are single does not mean you should just sit still on Valentine’s Day and wait for it to be over. The idea of keeping yourself busy is a great one if you are single and looking for something to do on the day but I cannot help but ask myself: what about if you are not okay with the fact that you are single on Valentine’s Day, isn’t it better for you to be aware of your emotions and work towards overcoming these feelings in a healthy, communicative manner while keeping busy rather than trying to ignore these feelings all together?
And what if your way of dealing with these feelings isn’t just through compartmentalising it and keeping yourself busy but also by trying to find someone to keep busy with? Is your issue really with not having a Valentine or is it with yourself?
Valentine’s Day is definitely not for everyone – some dismiss it as just another day and we have all heard someone pose a question along the lines of: “Why should there be a day where you go out of your way to show you love your partner – shouldn’t you be doing that everyday?” to me, that is like saying why do we have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and birthdays when we should be celebrating our appreciation for our parents and for our lives everyday?
And what about the way single women tend to be portrayed on Valentine’s Day? A picture of binge eating and allowing herself to become consumed by her self-pity – why is it that single is automatically correlated with lonely? Is an independent woman who chooses to be single for her own personal reasons really putting on a brave face to disguise the fact that deep down she really does care that she doesn’t have a Valentine? Is she so desperate to not be alone that nearer to the date she’ll find herself sending out, “Hey stranger,” messages to guys she had previously discarded in the friend zone or to an old flame?
What makes you think just because she’s single, the only supplies she has stashed away is comfort food and a vibrator?
There are single women that know about allowing things to come into their lives organically, even if you feel lonely and you do wish you were in a relationship on Valentine’s Day – momentary wistfulness is expected especially if you have been single for a while and you are looking to be with someone.
Now don’t think just because she allows things to happen at in its own time that she is just twiddling her thumbs waiting for the man of her dreams to come into her life. A single woman is smart enough to know that she has to put in work too, to be her biggest fan – she is aware that if she doesn’t love herself right it will only allow others to mistreat her. She is not only acknowledging the potential in the people that she dates but she sees it in herself, all day, everyday and especially on Valentine’s Day.
There are women who are aware that being lonely and trying to desperately latch on to any type of love, lust, fling or relationship to escape singlehood will never fill that void that stretches deep inside of her it will simply cause it to adopt similar characteristics to a black hole. You can attempt to fill it with different men, affection, gifts, dates – get the Valentine you have been avidly seeking – you will lap up all the attention but never feel full, never be satisfied and you will eventually become frustrated with the tedious cycle and with yourself.
As a single woman you are free to live and play as you please. Valentine’s Day is just another day for you to continue to love your freedom, the journey that is getting to know yourself and just doing you until the right person comes along and if you are looking for love you actively continue to date while keeping an open mind and unwavering standards whether you find comfort on Valentine’s Day in coming home, eating, watching TV shows, sleeping, pampering yourself, going out on a date, staying in or inviting someone over. You know that you have just as many options as someone who is celebrating Valentine’s Day with their partner and if Valentine’s Day is not a big deal to you then it’s not – either way, whatever you decide to do you know that if no-one else has got you, you have got yourself and that is perfectly okay with you. So to all the unapologetically single women I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day.
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