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Oh lord. It’s quite insensitive, yes. That’s the mother of his kids and although it makes you uncomfortable you picked the wrong battle to fight. If I was one of those kids I wouldn’t speak to you either. It’s not just your house. The real issue is you feel excluded and you’d like some family portraits of your own, so instead you should have brought that to husbands attention, not try to get rid of photos including his ex-wife. Have another conversation with him after you’ve thought deeply about this and apologise if you want a happy marriage. Losing an erection or being unable to get one during sex is very normal and happens to some guys once in a while. It doesn’t mean much, so I wouldn’t worry if I were you. There’s clearly this vicious cycle that you both have and it’s not working. You have to accept that perhaps this might not be the relationship for you. There’s that quote of how insanity is described. You know, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a new result. You’re constantly looking for a new result and it’s not happening. You have to understand and come to terms with him not changing, the faster you do the less you’ll honestly be surprised. Th most I can advice, is that you talk about it with him but also take some time out and ask yourself if you can carry on doing /feeling like this forever. Hey lovely, YOU have the final say. Post-abortive depression is real. Post-abortive regret is real. DO NOT HAVE AN ABORTION TO PLEASE ANYONE. Listen girl, it’s not worth it. If you terminate that child knowing full well you want it, you may end up despising him, especially if he doesn’t emotionally support you in the way you feel you need, which is why women who abort and battle with regret often seek counselling. There’s only a certain extent to which he can understand your pain too, no-one will feel that pain like you will, not even your friends. You may even have to deal with the opinions of others with no regards for your ordeal/experience and no empathy. Regret is so toxic and thoughts are even more toxic. You could find yourself obsessing over birthdays/how he or she would have looked, whether it was a boy or girl. Depending on how far you are, you won’t be able to all of a sudden un-feel what you currently feel inside you. Furthermore, the truth is that he [your boyfriend] can walk straight out of your life when you terminate and leave YOU to face your pain alone. I’m not saying child-birth/having a child is easy especially within such uncertain circumstances, but please do not underestimate the torment that can come with aborting a child you wanted to keep and definitely don’t underestimate a man’s ability to walk straight out of your life even after you gave up something that meant so much to you. Look at it this way, you keep the child, he leaves you, your child will help ease the blow (although it won’t be easy and not saying that’s the only reason why people should have kids). You don’t have the child, he leaves you, (in some cases leaves and then has a child with someone else in future) that pain is even more complex. I hope that puts it all into perspective. (PS. All this advice is based on aborting a child YOU want to keep just to please your partner). Good luck. Go with YOUR gut instinct. -Ebi. A
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