Hey,

Unfortunately all you can do is make it very clear to her exactly how you feel and outline explicitly the things you feel on your part are standing in the way of being in a relationship now. What you can do is ask her what she thinks about those things and if she’s willing to hang about after everything you have said. The truth is unfortunately bad timing does mean we could lose people but that doesn’t mean to say we’ll never find someone else who will make us just as happy or even happier. So try that if it doesn’t work out, work on your issues and the things you have to sort out, anything you’re slacking on that you can potentially work harder on or work out faster then do so, so you could potentially be in the position you need to be quicker and just hope for the best.

-Ebi. A

Hey lovely,

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Just want to let you know that you will be okay, you might be scared and worried but you will be fine. Now to tell you the truth, lying about a termination is never the way to go, you can have all the reasons in the world but depending on his views that could be a painful thing to just drop on him, all sorts of crazy thoughts going through his mind. Now you did the right thing to tell him the truth but as hard as it may be, your focus should be on you, your welfare and your baby and your baby’s future. The reason I say this is because obsessing over whether or not he will talk to you cannot be healthy for you. He may or may not, we cannot answer that for sure, you are the one carrying the child and the guy can walk in and out whenever he wants unfortunately. The right thing for him to do is step-up and talk to you. By lying to him he may now doubt whether the baby is his but you can always get a test to prove that at a later date. But what you must know is whatever the response, life does go on. You need to surround yourself with family members, friends, a counsellor, people who care about you and look to them. He is significantly older than you so be very wary of attempts to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do, which is why I think it’s best to get your family involved, that way he will have to deal with grown adults and not just you, it will also mean you’re not dealing with the back and forth all by yourself. Just trust that everything will be fine lovely, you’re not on your own. Best of luck & congratulations xxx

-Ebi A

Hey,

Firstly I think you need to slow down. Sometimes in life when we haven’t got much going on in the relationship department we start to obsess over things and look back at prior situations as though they were better than they really are. The facts are he was talking to you and he betrayed your trust by sleeping with someone else you knew which hurt you and led you to cut ties with the two. Although, you were young and time has passed it’s important to consider the fact that doesn’t necessarily mean someone has changed for the better and you are both suddenly compatible and “meant to be”. I think what is worrying is the fact that you think you are the one to make him happy. You are aware he has anger management issues and you want to be the one to fix that? The fact that you want to do that as his girlfriend/someone he is romantically involved with instead of just as a friend means for one reason or another you have not yet addressed some issues you may have? Maybe you’re the “fixer” (going by what you have said) and that’s something you need to address and focus on dealing with beforehand because it can leave you easily susceptible to different kinds of toxic relationships/situations. At best enter his life as a friend, he needs to combat his demons first and as a friend you can help him do that, this is assuming he shares the same feelings towards you. Also try and come to an understanding that just because you’ve had a few failed relationships after him doesn’t necessarily mean he is the one for you and doesn’t mean you can’t find someone who will love you the way you want to be loved other than him. Lastly don’t turn up at his house, that’s definitely a crazy move unless you plan to “visit his sister”. I’d ask his sister for his number and communicate with him that way first.

-Ebi.A

Hey lovely,

It’s all about the other individual. The only thing you can do is communicate. If talking doesn’t help maybe try writing it down and sending it to him or giving it to him in person. But if he doesn’t want to be back with you it won’t happen so I also think you need to prepare yourself for that possibility and deal with that hurt as well. But sometimes it does work out and that usually happens when both people are willing to hear each other out. So arrange to meet him or talk to him, when you see each other you’ll be able to see by his body language and what comes out of his mouth exactly how he feels. But you need to have all your points together, everything you want to genuinely apologise for, everything you didn’t like, everything you did like and be aware it could get messy but sometimes it needs to get messy for you to move on from everything and start off again with a clean slate. Best of luck girl.

Ebi. A

Hey lovely,

It’s about what you’re willing to tolerate. I’d personally say work on yourself and call it quits with him because you are not currently on the same page and no matter how long you have known him, if you’re not on the same page, it’s usually a disaster waiting to happen. So if you value your friendship and you care about what he’s going through right now I’d say fall back. If you feel you’re not ready to date again that’s perfectly fine but do not pursue/force anything with him because you’ll only have yourself to blame when it doesn’t work and wouldn’t you want someone who wants you just how you want them? View it as right now he doesn’t want you how you want him and stop holding onto possibilities until that changes, if it ever  does, but your life shouldn’t be on pause until then, work on yourself and when you’re ready to date again and if he is ever ready he will come to you.

Ebi. A.