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So I have this situation where I was seeing this girl for a couple of months, I was feeling her and enjoyed her company but it wasn’t anything serious. She was a bit hard to read but she always jumped at the opportunity to come and see me & vice versa, when we eventually slept together, she became distant and now we barely talk. Do I approach this situation with her or leave her be? 30. January 2016

I’d say you should reach out to her, especially since you were intimate. Give her a call and have an honest open conversation about things. Be direct and ask if she’s feeling you or not. You can’t read her mind, but you can ask question that give answers as to how she feels. Even if it’s not what you want to hear, at least you’ll know what’s up.

– Oloni


READ: For The Single Women On Valentine’s Day 30. January 2016

Hey Oloni, My boyfriends ex disrespected me twice. The first time, I overlooked it Coz he begged me to. The second time, he was travelling and I followed him to the airport. She met us there to send him off too. Long story short she tried to beat my man at the airport. Like hello? Are you rude? She saw me, she knows who I am & you still tried it? So he didn’t tell me until 4 months after (idk whether he thought it was gonna be something we sit And laugh about tbh) and I vexed. I told him that I’m gonna sort it 30. January 2016

Your boyfriend is an idiot and the only reason his ex felt comfortable enough  to try and have sex with him or even come to the airport,  is because he allowed her to feel that way. You need to take a step back and evaluate this relationship, because someone is getting played. This isn’t normal behaviour. He’s acting as if you’re both sisterwives and if that isn’t the case, you need to have a serious conversation about his relationship with his ex.

– Oloni


Hi Oloni and Ebi.A….so I’ve known this guy for all of uni but I’m usually a reserved person when it comes to guys.We would talk on and off and figured we liked it other but it seems there’s always a stumbling block to take it to the next level. I’ve spoken to him and he’s asked why I think he doesn’t like me (honestly he doesn’t show it and has bad communication skills if I don’t message him first) so naturally I am confused. I asked him if there’s a possibility of a future which at first he hesistated with a reply but then said he doesn’t see why not and shouldn’t completely put it out of the picture. He’s a cool person but is it worth the wait since he’s so focused on other things? Also I am in no rush just wanted clarity to see if we are working towards something or not. Thank you for replying xx 30. January 2016

Hey there,

From what I’m reading I’m assuming this issue has been on-going for the best part of three years (I got that from the all of uni bit). If that is the case, (if it isn’t write in again) then I honestly think he’s not that into you and you’re just an option. I personally feel like you definitely should NOT hang about waiting for him to change his mind. See the thing is someone can be cool but can also be leading you on and stringing you along, don’t think for one moment that cool guys can’t do that (i’m purposely not considering intentions here because those don’t matter). So just like he is focused on other things, you choose to be focused on other things and do not count on him to be the one that you’ll get into a relationship with, don’t lock off potentials for him because right now he is just a guy who is either confused or doesn’t want to be with YOU but happens to be nice. Besides, the bad communication skills and his inability to express himself are not things you need in a relationship, that leads to nothing good. Best of luck girl and pretty please don’t land yourself in a “situationship” (check Oloni’s blog to find out what it is if you don’t know about it), if your situation with this guy sounds like that, you’ve got to leave this one in the past.

-Ebi.A


So I’m in a bit of a mess. There are two girls in my life atm (I’m not a player or anything) it’s just how it’s turned out to be. The first one Lala is my ex girlfriend, I was really in love with her but she broke up with me a few weeks till our long distance relationship was to become a normal one. Since we’ve been back in the same country, we’ve hooked up a couple of times but things aren’t really the same. I try to deny I have feelings for her, but whenever I’m around her flashes of how things used to be start coming back. She’s given hints of us getting back together, I really loved her and I was her first so I don’t want to seem like a fuckboy by leaving her for someone else, but I don’t know mahn there’s Toni. I like Toni, though we’ve never dated or had sex (just made out and done other stuff) she’s a good next step from my ex, and I like the fact that out of everything she supports my goals. She’s a flower about to bloom. She’s like my number one cheer leader and everything I do she wants to help with it and it makes me want to work harder for her. Well she wanted a relationship but for some weird reason I just couldn’t, maybe because I’m scared of commitments because of how my ex pulled the plug on everything a few days to us being back in the same country. But she recently told me she was done with me, because I’m hot then I’m cold. It’s really because I don’t know what to do. Lala is reserved and nice, Toni is a bit more chatty and can have a temper. They are both beautiful women. Lala might kinda have a finer face, but Toni’s body is lit. Friends say that I’ll eventually fight with Toni, and Lala’s a better option because I’ve experienced a relationship with her. I’m in a bit of a rut here. It’s lame af for guys to ask Oloni. But what can I do? 30. January 2016

Hey,

Firstly a lot of guys write in so no it’s not weird lmao. I think you’re confused and I think you really need to take some time out and weigh up your options, so if you ask me, no relationship for you right now haha. I think by the way in which you described them both you gave pro’s and con’s for both *side eye to the body and face comparisons* lool, but what you need to do is genuinely ask yourself does Toni’s temper worry you, don’t assume you can handle it, ask yourself honestly because she can motivate you so much but can RUIN anything you’ve built for yourself with that temper. I’m not saying reserved girls are the best what I’m saying is that it’s important that your girl knows how to carry herself in public, knows how to communicate appropriately and it’s important she represents you well, same way it’s important you represent her well. There’s a lot to lose when someone has limited control of their emotions. I don’t think you should stay with your ex just for the fact that you took her virginity because she may be better off without you (it happens) but I do think that if you do have feelings for her and you want to work  on the things that you claim are not same anymore, then do it. That’s my opinion based on the limited info you provided but please do think carefully about it and weigh up more of these factors: values each hold/character/behaviour things like that….face and body won’t save your relationship when shxt hits the fan.

 

-Ebi.A


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