Hey lovely,

There are many things that have been made clear to me in your question. One is that you’re still in need of healing. Your past experiences have understandably made you more anxious within your current situation and although that is a natural response to previous heartbreak you do owe it to yourself to work on those insecurities. The reason why I’m saying this is because all your current boyfriend can do is continue to play his part but it is truly down to you to find peace and trust again. How to do this? Come to a level of acceptance. Work towards not fearing heartbreak. Look at it this way, the first time you experienced heartbreak you probably thought you were going to die and you probably felt as though you would never get over it but now you’re here. You are an overcomer. So it is important to view heartbreak through the lense of “even if it hurts I will get through this” and I will experience better. I share quite an unpopular view but I honestly look at heartbreak as being a healthy experience…(not that I wish it on anyone or encourage anyone to wilfully stay in a situation full of heartache) but if channeled correctly heartbreak can really reveal so many aspects of your being that you didn’t know existed or you had not yet managed to tap into. If channeled correctly and whilst keeping he fact that you will and have overcome heartbreak it could actually turn you into one fearless lady. So change your perspective on heartbreak, although no one looks forward to it or wants to experience again if indeed it does come to that at least understand that it’s just a part of life. Now going back to your current situation, I do believe you need to let go of past pain and do that gradually bit by bit. Your mind is currently full of doubt, your past experiences have tainted your view of men to the point that you question even the good gestures. What that means is your past is still very much relevant in your present. You need to gradually undo that hold. Maybe you can start by understanding the way in which your partner loves. Check out love languages (google it) and also communicate your fears with your partner. Tell him although it may appear irrational and although it actually has everything to do with your insecurities and not him, tell him you need his reassurance. However, getting some reassurance from your partner isn’t an excuse to all of a sudden not work on those issues, because there will be times he can’t reassure you as often and there will also be times he expects his love for you to be a given and something he doesn’t have to keep on proving or explaining, doing so to someone who continuously chooses to not believe that you’re genuine can be draining (irrespective of whatever may have caused them to react that way). I personally know of many guys who do not cheat on their Virgin girlfriends/girlfriends who are celibate. Another thing is it is important to be careful what you feed your mind. Insecurities if fed with negativity can overwhelm you. Social media can present an image that everyone is sex obsessed or most men are disloyal if they’re not being satisfied sexually, so be wary of what you expose yourself to and believe. There are many ways to satisfy a man. Sex is just one of those many ways. If you’re in doubt of the ways in which you please him, ask him and he should tell you. Make a conscious effort to believe him and come to a space that in giving him your love, even if it doesn’t work out you did what you were comfortable doing. You should never regret that. Do not internalise another persons abuse of your love or kindness, it’s natural to be protective after your love has been abused but do not project someone’s own personal issues onto yourself and do not let that stop you from being the person you are. Naturally guard yourself and your love but not to the point where when someone who has clearly shown you what theyre about feels shut out. The right person for you will endure the process and keep loving you to the point at which you feel you don’t have to fear. So just go with it. Do not do anything you’re not comfortable doing, be transparent and open about how you feel and work on yourself. Hope this helped.

Ebi

You’re not overthinking. I can see why this would bother you, he doesn’t need to talk about your relationship on social media or even post photos, but it’s another thing when someone shares stuff on social media platforms as if they are not in a commitment. It’s embarrassing, insensitive and uncomfortable. You need to address this with him and speak about it. Explain how it comes across to you and how it makes you feel. Someone in a relationship, should not be tweeting, liking, faving like a single pringle.

In the first line of your sentence you said ‘seeing’ so remember the advice above only applies if you are in an exclusive relationship.

Oloni

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I don’t know you personally to talk about your character, so what I will say is that you shouldn’t let this discourage you from dating. Try going for a different type of guy. You might be dating and giving attention to the same men without realising, which then, give the same results. If you’d like to be coached contact me HERE

Oloni

If you’re always heartbroken you need to run far away from this man. A relationship isn’t supposed to make you feel terrible about yourself. He doesn’t sound like a catch and it makes me wonder why, you’ve chosen to stay? You have trust issues, he says nasty things to you and it’s only been 8 months. Do you not believe you deserve better? Would you not like to be with someone who treats you better? Staying in a codependent relationship can be extremely damaging. I’ll keep it real and honestly advise you to terminate this relationship, I doubt things will get any better.

Oloni

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If you already feel like there’s no point continuing the relationship, the first thing you need to do is TALK to him. Have a serious conversation and let him know how you feel. Explain your exact thoughts on the relationship, you need to communicate with him, because even though deep down you don’t want to continue the relationship, at this present moment you are still committed to him and he deserves to know your current thoughts.

Oloni