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Sorry, I fell asleep
Hi Oloni. So I met a guy last month and we started talking for a while, we never really got to meet up so the conversation stopped, suddenly this year I was out with my girls and we saw each other again, the connection was very mad as we couldn’t take our hands off each other(hugged for a long time), so we decided to make it work bearing in mind this guy does not like social media at all so he hardly calls and gives slow replies on whatsapp. Everything was going well and was perfect and I could us going further and maybe getting into something more serious until we were meant to meet up on a particular day and I messaged him during the day that I’d be free ( I cancelled all my plans that day for him), he didn’t reply until about 7pm and he said he was at a family function that’s why he didn’t reply on time. I thought he would plan to reschedule or come round to my place after but I didn’t hear anything from him, i didn’t want to call him either cause he hardly calls. Anyway I fell asleep and my girl comes back in at 4am from clubbing and she told me she saw him there and she said he tried to hide but she made sure she told him that she saw him, anyway i didn’t really deep the situation till Tuesday and I was very upset, I called him and he didn’t pick up and I also left him a text saying we needed talk, I deleted his number later that night, I’m just still yet to understand why he would do that to me? Everything was perfect and going so well, I’m just confused as to why?
25. March 2016
Hey,
It’s simple, he’s an idiot. He’s simply a time waster who had no real intentions of taking you seriously, or taking the situation further, you’re probably thinking “but we hugged” or “we had a connection”, yeh dead those thoughts, some guys are very good actors who do the most to get whatever they want from you knowing full well they have no intentions of progressing further than a certain point. Now one things for sure, he’s a liar, do you think you deserve a liar? Do you think you deserve a guy who can’t simply tell you how it is? That’s childish behaviour imo a grown man who acts like that is lost in the sauce. So forget him, keep his number deleted and move on because he’s definitely not interested in you in the same way and has no regards for your feelings. Tips on moving on? Tell your friends how you feel and tell them you need a distraction, do not internalise anything that has happened to you, it’s not you, shopping, gym, work on your passions, work on your faith or beliefs and just slay in general. All the best.
Ebi
Ebi
Hi Oloni will this is a very complicated situation, I was linking a guy ‘A’ , last year after me and my ex broke up, I liked this guy and after I was linking him we got to know eachother and when my ex found out I was seeing someone new he got jealous and he hit me up and then we got back . But when my ex found out that I’ve had sex with guy ‘A’ he broke up with me he said he couldn’t get his head
25. March 2016
Hi oloni need your advice. I’ve been talking to this guy since the start of university and we talk almost everyday. He took my virginity and we’ve had sex about three times now. whenever we see each other alone we always have sex and i dont really see him as much but we talk often. our conversations happen mainly over text and sometimes he calls. We’ve formed a decent friendship, however ive caught feelings and i know he doesnt feel the same way because he hasnt said anything to do with his feelings which i feel he shouldve said by now. he even said we should stop having sex because he doesnt want to “fuck me over” so i definitely know there are no feelings there. i want to get over him but i know the only way to do that is to stop talking to him but i dont want to do that because i like our conversations and the friendship we’ve built and if i stop talking to him this will ruin what we have already. please tell me what to do
25. March 2016
Hey,
To me it’s quite simple, it’s all about what you value more. Why would you prioritise his friendship over you getting over him? And what exactly are you trying to save? You keep mentioning the fact that he has no feelings, but the important thing here is that you have feelings…so you owe it to yourself to do whatever you can to undo those feelings before you land yourself into a situationship and the only way you can do that is distance and that ranges from blocking him on everything to maybe just not talking to him as much. If you clearly like him and he clearly likes you (but not enough to commit) who is to say he won’t continue with things as per usual? You are only as safe as his ability to stick to what he has said…if you don’t put up your own boundaries and what’s worse is if he chooses not to, he will take the fact that he has already explicitly and indirectly told you he is not ready for commitment…so if you do end up getting hurt, to a large extent that will be on you and he will treat you as if it were. What you have now you can get elsewhere, that’s the harsh truth. You are replaceable and so is he. Furthermore given your feelings if he truly cares he will understand your need for distance at least for now. If he doesn’t then the friendship really isn’t as deep as you think it is or he is clearly prioritising his feelings or his desires at your expense. So if you’re unhappy and not on the same page, there’s nothing “to save” in that sense, if you prioritise your feelings. Also don’t think by staying you can change his mind. Take it for what it is and move on.
Ebi
Dear Oloni, hope everything is well. I broke up with my gf back in January, a month later I found out she cheated on me while we were still together. I’m still torn on whether to bring it up to her and question her or just let it go?
25. March 2016
Hey,
That’s up to you and what you’re willing to accept. Your options are to leave or stay and work on moving forward. But some things to consider, make sure you’re not going back for the wrong reasons. Do not walk back into a toxic situation because you feel you cannot do without the her. You do not owe her a second chance. You also need to ensure that this isn’t coming from a place of insecurity.
Ebi
Dear all, as i write this my eyes are filled with tears, I’m so sad,heart broken and confused… I met this guy he was really nice and we started talking and then we started liking each other, now we’re in a relationship but it will be a month next week… So 2weeks into the relationship i told him about my immigration problems because i didn’t want to hide anything from him, i told him that the only way for me to stay here was if we got married, i really like this guy and he likes me too.. At first he said okay then a few days later he changed his mind and said he couldn’t do it again because it doesn’t feel right in his heart and that we haven’t even known each other that well (we’ve been in the relationship for only a month) and he wants to get to know me more before he can decide if this is something he can commit to. He also feels that this marriage thing is like a condition for our love and that if he doesn’t marry me we cant be together and he just doesn’t like the idea of there being a condition for our love… I understand all his worries but i don’t have a lot of time on my side and i really don’t know what to say anymore..I know he is worried but I’m not that type of woman and i genuinely like him and i want to spend the rest of my life with him even though i know its too soon to determine that… I just feel that if he cant do this for me then he doesn’t really love me because then i will go home and we wont be together again and i really want to be with him but i don’t know how to make him understand that…. Personally i think he is overthinking this thing too too much and coming up with worst case scenarios, he even said that what if i leave him after? And honestly that is not even my intention…This is all i need him to do to prove his love for me cause he is my only hope, i really don’t know what to say to him again… Please can you advice me… or should i just let it go and just go home??? Am i being too selfish?? Isn’t love about Sacrifice and taking risks?? Honestly i genuinely like him and it really breaks my heart that he cant do this for me…
25. March 2016
Hey,
The fact that you think him doing this for you after a less than two month relationship is a depiction of how much he cares is worrying. I’m sorry but to expect such from someone so soon makes you the irrational one. Although, understandably you’re in a tough space and emotionally overwhelmed, do not project that onto him. People don’t usually rush into marriage, guys especially tend to take their sweet time until they’re sure. I’m sorry that you’re in this situation and I honestly wish you the best. I know this wasn’t particularly helpful but I hope this puts your emotions into perspective and his reaction into perspective.
Ebi
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