Hey,

What you do is do what’s best for you. You didn’t sign up for a bummy guy so you definitely don’t need to tolerate one. Make it explicitly clear to him that his actions are putting a strain on your relationship from your end and that you don’t think you can tolerate it anymore. Offer up that compromise again, which is to suggest that he finds a job in the meantime or at least shows some evidence of being proactive, even if it means gaining experience by doing voluntary roles, so that you know he’s not just being idle. Tell him if he doesn’t start showing you signs of progress you’re going to have to leave and make it clear that it is making you more and more disinterested in him and the relationship. Consider the fact that he might be depressed down to his inability to find a job which is why he may be shutting you down and it’s not always fair to assume he isn’t trying hard enough just because he hasn’t secured a job yet so be fair, but if all evidence points towards him not working hard enough then your point and this advice still stands. So encourage him but do not sugarcoat the reality of what needs to be done. Also don’t let him guilt trip you with this whole “if you really loved me” thing, sometimes love is telling someone what’s best for them, it doesn’t always feel good, but as long as that person is coming from the right place and has your best interest at heart that line shouldn’t apply to you. Hope this helped.

Ebi

Hey,

Let it go. Do everything in your power to let it go. He is getting everything he wants from you and in action is showing you that he doesn’t care enough about you to keep things real. It’s not easy but you need to distance yourself until you’re over it. Unless you just want to hang around and get hurt or stay in this situationship till thy kingdom come and miss out on so many other people who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Stop cockblocking yourself and understand that any real friend who genuinely cares for you will tell you “look i’m not in a space to be serious and I don’t want to hurt you so let’s end this and just remain friends”, he hasn’t said or implied this but has instead chosen to lie (assuming you can draw that conclusion from what you’ve seen) that imo makes your friendship questionable and I don’t feel like you owe him that loyalty. You don’t stop treating your friends with respect just because you decide to take things further. So yeh, leave this behind, you still have loads of months to make this year your year, don’t waste them on anyone who insists on wasting your time.

-Ebi

Hey,

It’s simple, he’s an idiot. He’s simply a time waster who had no real intentions of taking you seriously, or taking the situation further, you’re probably thinking “but we hugged” or “we had a connection”, yeh dead those thoughts, some guys are very good actors who do the most to get whatever they want from you knowing full well they have no intentions of progressing further than a certain point. Now one things for sure, he’s a liar, do you think you deserve a liar? Do you think you deserve a guy who can’t simply tell you how it is? That’s childish behaviour imo a grown man who acts like that is lost in the sauce.  So forget him, keep his number deleted and move on because he’s definitely not interested in you in the same way and has no regards for your feelings. Tips on moving on? Tell your friends how you feel and tell them you need a distraction, do not internalise anything that has happened to you, it’s not you, shopping, gym, work on your passions, work on your faith or beliefs and just slay in general. All the best.

Ebi

Ebi

Hey,

Your ex is unserious, most times had it been the other way round there would be an expectation that you accept it for what it is and move forward. You didn’t disrespect him or your relationship but he’s obviously in his feelings. Don’t bother trying to prove yourself or change his mind. That’s not for you to do. Move forward and find someone who is willing to accept you for who you are.

Ebi

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Hey,

To me it’s quite simple, it’s all about what you value more. Why would you prioritise his friendship over you getting over him? And what exactly are you trying to save? You keep mentioning the fact that he has no feelings, but the important thing here is that you have feelings…so you owe it to yourself to do whatever you can to undo those feelings before you land yourself into a situationship and the only way you can do that is distance and that ranges from blocking him on everything to maybe just not talking to him as much. If you clearly like him and he clearly likes you (but not enough to commit) who is to say he won’t continue with things as per usual? You are only as safe as his ability to stick to what he has said…if you don’t put up your own boundaries and what’s worse is if he chooses not to, he will take the fact that he has already explicitly and indirectly told you he is not ready for commitment…so if you do end up getting hurt, to a large extent that will be on you and he will treat you as if it were. What you have now you can get elsewhere, that’s the harsh truth. You are replaceable and so is he. Furthermore given your feelings if he truly cares he will understand your need for distance at least for now. If he doesn’t then the friendship really isn’t as deep as you think it is or he is clearly prioritising his feelings or his desires at your expense. So if you’re unhappy and not on the same page, there’s nothing “to save” in that sense, if you prioritise your feelings. Also don’t think by staying you can change his mind. Take it for what it is and move on.

Ebi