Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book a private call here
Grab a copy of The Big O: An empowering guide to loving, dating and f**king
Sorry, I fell asleep
Hey Oloni ! My boyfriend is a really good guy and he treats me like a queen. Everything is going well in the relationship so far except one thing. He is a virgin and wants to wait until marriage but I am not and I believe sex can bring a couple closer in a relationship. I respect his wishes but I feel like at some point I just will really have the urge to want to have sex. I’ve thought about having a side dude but I feel like that might be disrespectful and I love him too much to hurt him ! What should I do ?
1. June 2016
Hey hun, whatever you do please do not go looking for sex outside of you commitment, it’s wrong and very disloyal. I do agree that sex can bring a couple closer and he probably feels the same, but would rather wait to take that next step when he’s married. Have a conversation with him, then have one with yourself. If you feel like sex is important to you, you might need to reconsider this relationship.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, i’m really struggling. I’m 18 nearly 19 and got involved with a boy that was no good for me, cheated lied emotional abuse etc. We’ve been on/off for around 2 years now and last year he got me pregnant and i had to have an abortion. Stupidly I took him back early this year but it was over again within a month, found out i was pregnant again, unfortunately miscarried around a month or so ago. Told him recently when I felt like I was ready and he ignored all texts or communication I attempted. I’m so disappointed and hurt, I just want to know I can move on and be happy and forget about this lowlife!! Please help 🙁
1. June 2016
Hi Oloni, I really hope you reply because I’ve ran out of options on who to confide in without disrespecting my boyfriends privacy. We’ve been together for a 5 months. It’s great, his soul fits mine. but since our sexual activity has increased, so had his insecurity about the size of his dick (5 inches). I’m not talking about a bitch boy whining about his size. I’m talking hysterical fits, suicidal thoughts, talking about burning his dick off, up until 5am researching about surgery. 100s of £ spent on penis pumps. He actually asked me to measure my vaginal canal when I’m aroused so he has a “goal” to achieve. He’s asked me to use “toys” (strap on, dildos etc) during our sexual activity until he can “improve himself”. He is a medical student so he knows inside of me better than I do and uses it against me whenever I try to tell him life isn’t all about “reaching past the cervix Into the posterior fornix”. I don’t know what to do anymore. Should he see a therapist, if so a sex therapist or a self esteem/self confidence therapist? As the more he picks himself apart on his penis size, he moves onto other things like his body and face. He is VERY attractive with a very muscly body and nobody would believe me if I told them he hated the way he looked. Should I give into toys during sexual intercourse until he is more mentally happy with his body? Or is this a dead end?
26. May 2016
Hey dear, I can tell you really love your boyfriend and you’re running out of patience, but I do believe he should get some professional help as nothing I can say will help this situation…especially since you mentioned he’s having suicide thoughts. He should see a therapist and a sex therapist (they deal with these issues very well) and perhaps this is something you can probably do with him to show even more support, he needs you so if you can.. please do try and be there for him. As for the sex toy question, do whatever makes you comfortable.
Oloni
How To Survive A Pity Date
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two year bows and our relationship it great. He’s the best boyfriend a girl could want so thoughtful and caring funny genuine. The only problem is, is the sex. He was a virgin when we got together and I was v experienced. And sex is not as good as I know it can be and its putting me of. I never want to have sex anymore and sometimes it causes arguments because he wants it all the time being new at it and it’s just not good for me so I try to avoid it sometimes. Is it just a thing I’ve got to be patient with? Or should we talk about it? But I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
26. May 2016
TALK to him! You don’t have to have sex if you’re not up for it, but I think it’d be a good idea if you simply explained how you feel. I also think you should also be patient with him.. practice won’t turn him into a porn star, but if you communicate what you enjoy most in bed, things will certainly start to look up.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I’ve wanted to write to you for a long time but never had the confidence, however when I saw the story about the lady seeing the married man (pastor) I felt I’m not the only one in such situation. To be brief, I’ve been going out with a older married man for 3 years now, he also happens to be my boss. I know they say all men lie, but he is quite honest. He’s wife is basically just his BM and because of business he can’t leave her. She fully is aware of me and every now and again, she tries to talk but her talking gets aired. shes seen my pics and videos on his phone and confronted me about it, of course i denied it because i was ashamed at the time. She doesn’t love him neither does he love her. They had a little girl 1 year into our relationship, however apparently the child may not be his, she looks nothing like him, shes light skinned when their both dark, and she looks different from her sister…. coincidentally I was also pregnant when she was 6 months pregnant.. i had to have an abortion which still kills me up on till today. We do everything normal couples do, go on dates, dinner, cinema, spa, hot air balloons, countless hotels.. everything in public not in secret… I love him more than life.. well I guess I feel that way at times. I know he truly truly loves me and if business and money wasn’t what tied them together, we would have been together properly by now. I remember about 2 years ago before he opened a new business, he asked her for a divorce by text (lol really bad i know) but she declined. If she leaves him, it will be easier, but shes a weak women and she’ll rather stay in a loveless marriage that move on. They don’t sleep in the same bedroom, he covers himself whenever she comes in the room.. it frustrates me that he choose to live like that. He only gets a good night sleep when he stays at mine.. like its soooo crazy. Its not that i’m with him for money or anything, I equally spend on him, if our society didn’t frown upon things, we’ll be couple goals for true. One thing I can say is older men are better, they treat you like a princess, and the sex.. o m g amazing. Listen, older men defo do it better. The passion, the temptation, its incredible.We’ve literally done it everywhere, hotel, shower, bath, car, in all his businesses, the floor, balcony, forest you name it we’ve done it lol. The love is actually crazy, He always says I’m going to kill him one day because the love and passion is too hot. Now, of course i’ve consider leaving when it all gets too hard to deal with, like its been 3 years and nothing has really changed but he is my boss, I’m his manager, my life is set with him. If i leave him, I’ll literally have to move away to another city completely if not another country and start from the bottom. I’m in uni so uprooting from their isn’t convenient. I’ve not been able to discuss this with anybody for 3 years, please don’t judge me and advice me. Love is a crazy thing ey. Regards, T
26. May 2016
Hey T, I just answered a similar question to this below. In this scenario, he basically has two wives. You seem really angry at the mother of his child and wife who has done absolutely nothing wrong to you. You’re treading on her toes..You volunteered your love to a married man, she volunteered her heart, love and time to someone she made vows with ..she sounds like she’s doing whatever she can to fight for her marriage and doesn’t want someone else to ruin her home.
It bothers me how much you spoke about her when writing in your dilemma. I’m not judging you and never judge anyone who writes in to me, because you are human and love does make us do some crazy shit. My problem is the fact that you think that if his wife wasn’t in the picture, all your problems would go away and you and your boss would hold hands and skip off into the sunset… but that isn’t the case.
What you’re doing is extremely wrong, whether she chooses to stay with him or not is none of your business. You’ve been messing around for 3 years and the most he’s done, was text her saying he wants a divorce? A text? Can you see how silly that sounds?
He is having his cake and enjoying each slice YOU hand him.
Towards the end of your message you made out like you would have to start your life all over again if you moved on from him. But hun it’s either that or stick around playing mistress, till he gets bored, because by the sound of things, he isn’t going anywhere and even if he does.. you sill shouldn’t want him. You deserve to have someone you can call your own, not a part-time lover.
Oloni
Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Sign up to our mailing list to read our sex and relationship features first.
You have Successfully Subscribed!