Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Hi Oloni, I really hope you reply because I’ve ran out of options on who to confide in without disrespecting my boyfriends privacy. We’ve been together for a 5 months. It’s great, his soul fits mine. but since our sexual activity has increased, so had his insecurity about the size of his dick (5 inches). I’m not talking about a bitch boy whining about his size. I’m talking hysterical fits, suicidal thoughts, talking about burning his dick off, up until 5am researching about surgery. 100s of £ spent on penis pumps. He actually asked me to measure my vaginal canal when I’m aroused so he has a “goal” to achieve. He’s asked me to use “toys” (strap on, dildos etc) during our sexual activity until he can “improve himself”. He is a medical student so he knows inside of me better than I do and uses it against me whenever I try to tell him life isn’t all about “reaching past the cervix Into the posterior fornix”. I don’t know what to do anymore. Should he see a therapist, if so a sex therapist or a self esteem/self confidence therapist? As the more he picks himself apart on his penis size, he moves onto other things like his body and face. He is VERY attractive with a very muscly body and nobody would believe me if I told them he hated the way he looked. Should I give into toys during sexual intercourse until he is more mentally happy with his body? Or is this a dead end?
26. May 2016
Hey dear, I can tell you really love your boyfriend and you’re running out of patience, but I do believe he should get some professional help as nothing I can say will help this situation…especially since you mentioned he’s having suicide thoughts. He should see a therapist and a sex therapist (they deal with these issues very well) and perhaps this is something you can probably do with him to show even more support, he needs you so if you can.. please do try and be there for him. As for the sex toy question, do whatever makes you comfortable.
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two year bows and our relationship it great. He’s the best boyfriend a girl could want so thoughtful and caring funny genuine. The only problem is, is the sex. He was a virgin when we got together and I was v experienced. And sex is not as good as I know it can be and its putting me of. I never want to have sex anymore and sometimes it causes arguments because he wants it all the time being new at it and it’s just not good for me so I try to avoid it sometimes. Is it just a thing I’ve got to be patient with? Or should we talk about it? But I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
26. May 2016
TALK to him! You don’t have to have sex if you’re not up for it, but I think it’d be a good idea if you simply explained how you feel. I also think you should also be patient with him.. practice won’t turn him into a porn star, but if you communicate what you enjoy most in bed, things will certainly start to look up.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I’ve wanted to write to you for a long time but never had the confidence, however when I saw the story about the lady seeing the married man (pastor) I felt I’m not the only one in such situation. To be brief, I’ve been going out with a older married man for 3 years now, he also happens to be my boss. I know they say all men lie, but he is quite honest. He’s wife is basically just his BM and because of business he can’t leave her. She fully is aware of me and every now and again, she tries to talk but her talking gets aired. shes seen my pics and videos on his phone and confronted me about it, of course i denied it because i was ashamed at the time. She doesn’t love him neither does he love her. They had a little girl 1 year into our relationship, however apparently the child may not be his, she looks nothing like him, shes light skinned when their both dark, and she looks different from her sister…. coincidentally I was also pregnant when she was 6 months pregnant.. i had to have an abortion which still kills me up on till today. We do everything normal couples do, go on dates, dinner, cinema, spa, hot air balloons, countless hotels.. everything in public not in secret… I love him more than life.. well I guess I feel that way at times. I know he truly truly loves me and if business and money wasn’t what tied them together, we would have been together properly by now. I remember about 2 years ago before he opened a new business, he asked her for a divorce by text (lol really bad i know) but she declined. If she leaves him, it will be easier, but shes a weak women and she’ll rather stay in a loveless marriage that move on. They don’t sleep in the same bedroom, he covers himself whenever she comes in the room.. it frustrates me that he choose to live like that. He only gets a good night sleep when he stays at mine.. like its soooo crazy. Its not that i’m with him for money or anything, I equally spend on him, if our society didn’t frown upon things, we’ll be couple goals for true. One thing I can say is older men are better, they treat you like a princess, and the sex.. o m g amazing. Listen, older men defo do it better. The passion, the temptation, its incredible.We’ve literally done it everywhere, hotel, shower, bath, car, in all his businesses, the floor, balcony, forest you name it we’ve done it lol. The love is actually crazy, He always says I’m going to kill him one day because the love and passion is too hot. Now, of course i’ve consider leaving when it all gets too hard to deal with, like its been 3 years and nothing has really changed but he is my boss, I’m his manager, my life is set with him. If i leave him, I’ll literally have to move away to another city completely if not another country and start from the bottom. I’m in uni so uprooting from their isn’t convenient. I’ve not been able to discuss this with anybody for 3 years, please don’t judge me and advice me. Love is a crazy thing ey. Regards, T
26. May 2016
Hey T, I just answered a similar question to this below. In this scenario, he basically has two wives. You seem really angry at the mother of his child and wife who has done absolutely nothing wrong to you. You’re treading on her toes..You volunteered your love to a married man, she volunteered her heart, love and time to someone she made vows with ..she sounds like she’s doing whatever she can to fight for her marriage and doesn’t want someone else to ruin her home.
It bothers me how much you spoke about her when writing in your dilemma. I’m not judging you and never judge anyone who writes in to me, because you are human and love does make us do some crazy shit. My problem is the fact that you think that if his wife wasn’t in the picture, all your problems would go away and you and your boss would hold hands and skip off into the sunset… but that isn’t the case.
What you’re doing is extremely wrong, whether she chooses to stay with him or not is none of your business. You’ve been messing around for 3 years and the most he’s done, was text her saying he wants a divorce? A text? Can you see how silly that sounds?
He is having his cake and enjoying each slice YOU hand him.
Towards the end of your message you made out like you would have to start your life all over again if you moved on from him. But hun it’s either that or stick around playing mistress, till he gets bored, because by the sound of things, he isn’t going anywhere and even if he does.. you sill shouldn’t want him. You deserve to have someone you can call your own, not a part-time lover.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, basically my relationship of 2 years ended 6 months ago and my ex boyfriend moved. It was difficult as he had been my first but then I started dating someone who he knew and I’m now in a relationship with the guy whom I’m really falling for. 3 months ago my ex contacted me again genuinely apologising for the things that happened in the past and for the past weeks we’ve been chatting and he’d say all sorts like he misses me and wants me back. I’ll always have love for this guy but I told him nicely I’m scared to be hurt again plus I have a man we carried on talking and I’m ashamed to say I’ve caught feelings again and we’ve been arguing cos of the girls that he’s been based around. I shouldn’t be mad cos he isn’t my man and were not good for each other I really do feel something for my new partner but I don’t know how to deal with the situation it’s overwhelming now. What should I do?
26. May 2016
You need to stop talking to your ex. If you’re communicating with him regularly, you’re opening a box of feelings that should have been locked away.
Oloni
Honi, I have a serious dilemma and its getting more complicated as the days go by. Basically I work with this guy he’s so lovely funny great personality PERFECT!! When I started working with him he told me while casually talking about general stuff that he had a girlfriend. It was never that to begin with we were work colleuges nothing else, but as the weeks and months went by we start flirting and getting close but I always shut it down and said to him “you have a girlfriend easy nuh my yute ?” but he always fobbed it up. Fast forward a month or 2 we ended up kissing and he gave me butterflies I thought oh shit that’s not good. The day after his birthday he finished work and was off for a week and asked to see me I said yeah no prob he came and stayed over for a couple days and we had a big convo about feeling and all that mess and we both established that we was most defo more than friends now but in the back of my mind the girlfriend thing was looming and I said nothing could happen and progress because he has a girlfriend. They’ve been together for almost 8 years but she treats him like shit but because they’ve been together so long he’s hesitant to leave her which is frustrating but I sympathis because I don’t want him to cheat on her or to leave her because of me I want him to do it on his own terms and if he does after a few months of them apart then maybe I can consider being them him but right now I can’t even though I want so much. The “other woman” is not my style. At this point I don’t know what to do do I leave him alone or see if he leaves her and then see where it goes from there…
26. May 2016
Hey hun, I’m not going to bore you with how wrong it is to be involved with a guy who’s cheating, because I’m sure you know that. But what I will say is that, if he wants to be with you, you won’t have to do a damn thing. You won’t have to ask him to leave her and he won’t feel no way about leaving someone of 8 years if he’s really being treated badly..I hope you’re not actually buying that story either. What I’m concerned with is, ‘why him?’ – Out of all the single men in the world, why did you pick and choose to get even closer to this one? I mean, my goodness.. hun if he can do this to someone of 8 years, what could he do to you one day?
You have to understand that I get it, as humans we do fuck up. We do, but the important part is learning from that f*ck up. Not continuing it and lingering around, wondering if that f*ck up will find it’s way to you.
People usually say, ‘you lose them, how you get them’ or something..and that’s not always true. However, would you really want to be with someone who YOU know is disloyal? You’ve already got a head start in finding out his true colours within a relationship..so once again.. ‘why him?’
If you want my honest opinion I think you should distance yourself from this dude, yes you might have a connection with this guy, but he’s committed to someone else, so yeah it kind of does make you the other woman. There are plenty of other men out there!
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