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My ex and I rekindled a few months ago. He said he was single, loved me, missed me and wanted me back. I questioned him multiple times on this relationship status and eventually trusted him enough to believe him. I then get a message from his girlfriend! Who he told me he broke up with. She said she knew about our late night texting – which would offer happen after they had sex. She knew that he told me they weren’t together, stating that he got fed up of me mentioning her. She knew that he told me he loved me but states he said it only for “banter” and “inspiration” for his poems. I’m finding it hard to believe that I was the ‘side chick’ and that his feelings were all a lie. Was I? I’ve blocked both of them on everything but should I have a conversation with him? I really need to hear your opinion on this
10. June 2015
There is nothing to hear. What do you want him to do, explain why he lied, so he can lie again? You’ve done the right thing by blocking him. Just move on.
Hi Oloni. Basically I met this guy about a month ago and we’ve been getting along really well. We’ve been out a lot together and we really click. Unfortunately I’ve recently found out that the mother of his first child is not only pregnant, but a few weeks away from giving birth and he is the father of the child. I found out about this due to a series of events on social media. I confronted him about this and, although admitted it, got really angry with me because I found this out. He claims he has done nothing wrong and wants to continue seeing me. But I have the feeling he doesn’t want the mother of his children to know anything about it. I feel as if this has all started based on secrets and I don’t feel as if I could trust him, although I really like him :/. I’m not sure what to do right now, should I just lowe the whole thing..?
10. June 2015
Get rid of him, you don’t need that sort of BS drama on your plate.
Hi Oloni, big fan of what you do. Dilemma: I feel like I’m beginning to fall in love/deep like with my friend. I came to a conclusion the other day that the reason I fall in love so quickly is cause I’m probably not used to certain kind of people (guys) being nice to me and have found a new interest for the way certain guys are. (By falling in love quickly I been just liking someone a lot and analysing) I feel like I like everyone to be honest. My friend and I are getting closer in terms of our friendship and sharing information. I’m beginning to see him as a confidant and he’s also been saying the same. I don’t want to catch feelings or anything so how do I approach this? I want to stay away but were leaving soon and this may be the last time I see him. I don’t want to develop anything. Don’t want a relationship. I don’t want to ruin a friendship. I don’t want to catch feelings. So is removing myself from the situation(time spent alone) the best option?
10. June 2015
I think if you spend less time together things will be better and you won’t have time to catch any sort of feelings. As for falling in love easily, you have to ask yourself why that is. Are you not used to attention? Have you dates before? What’s causing you to feel this way?
Hi Oloni, I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were young. We’ve been together over 5 years now and we are at the stage where we both think we are old enough and mature enough for marriage. However, I have a few issues. I find that sometimes he’s very absent minded, sometimes I have to coach him on how to respond when I’m upset and I also have to remind him to correct his tone when speaking to me. He’s had a difficult upbringing so he finds it hard to be in tune with other people’s needs and he lacks confidence when it comes to decision making due to fear of disapproval. Over the course of our relationship, he has improved with some of the things I don’t like but as the remaining issues are only small, I’m getting frustrated because I’m thinking after all this time, he should know the basics. Honestly, overall he’s a very good guy. He’s very loyal, we love each other to pieces and we spoil each other. I’m just getting annoyed at the small issues he has because sometimes they make situations escalate into big arguments. Given all that I’ve said, my question is do you think it’s worth sticking around until he makes more progress or should I just accept he’s damaged by his past and will always be this way? I know they only seem like small issues but sometimes things get to the point where I leave home for a few days to clear my head. I need your help.
10. June 2015
I always say know matter how great a relationship is the individuals within them are never perfect. It’s impossible. Don’t look at him as damaged nor something to justify the things that may cause arguments. We all have our own story, but we can’t let it shape or define us. You have to have a serious conversation and let him know how you feel, express the things you told me and work at it together. That’s the only thing you can do.
When is the right time to ask the “what are we” question? I’ve been talking to this guy for 3 months now, been visiting him and he visits me, having sex and getting to know each other but I’m not exactly sure where I stand as sometimes he says things to make me question this.. I don’t want to be clingy or feel like I’m asking too soon what should I do
10. June 2015
Don’t ask ‘What are we?’ but simply ask ‘Where is this going?’ or ‘Do you see a relationship potentially coming out of this?’ – Be direct. It doesn’t make you clingy by asking someone you’ve been spending time with where the relationship is headed.
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