Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Hi Oloni, (could you make this QOTD I need as much advice as I can get) I have been with my fiancee for four years now and she’s pregnant. We are getting married in the fall and our baby is due around the new year. We have decided that when we get married she should keep her maiden name. It is a big part of her African identity. I am from St.Lucia and she is from Senegal. However when we have kids she says she wants them to have her name only, no double barrel or anything. She is a bit of an Afrocentric and always says my name is a slave name and shouldn’t be given to our children. She is great woman and the love of my life, but my surname means a lot to my identity too.
7. June 2015
How she wants her last name kept is totally down to her. It’s a personal decision. However I really do feel like the name of your childeren shouldn’t be something to debate about. If you can’t agree on having it double barreled, you need to sit & talk. I will be making it #QOTD however.
Hey Oloni my friend is currently with a guy who is no good for her. He’s known to be a big flirt and a cheat but she’s still with him. I’ve told her bad news about him ibefore (which was proven to be true as he admitted it when confronted). I’ve recently been told more bad news but I don’t want to be that friend who’s always telling her girl about her man. Should I tell her or just stay out of it this time around?
7. June 2015
You can tell her, but don’t expect her to leave her partner if everything else you’ve shown/told her hasn’t done anything.
I’m a 25 years old guy who’s never had a girlfriend , just friends with benefit. I don’t have sex a lot but I’m addicted to porn. I’ve met a girl who I really like but it’s been hard for me lately to have sex with her because I find myself comparing her to a pornstar, therefor I don’t get excited which makes her think that I’m not attracted to her. What advice would you give me to help me deal with this situation as I really like the girl!
5. June 2015
This question is tied in with addiction and is more suitable for a therapist.
Hi so I need some advise.. I was a virgin when I met my bf he then took my virginity after a year of being together. We’ve been together for over 3 yrs now and the other day I told him that the sex is so much better now then it was at the beginning because I never used to climax back then but now he makes me climax multiple times. But his reaction was not how I hoped it would be, I feel like I’ve offended him 😕
5. June 2015
Uh, men & their fragile egos. Some guys still assume that each time they have sex with a woman she climaxes and it’s absolutely false. You did nothing wrong, but be honest and open with your partner about your sex life. Give him some time and bring it up, if he still feels offended explain that was not your intent. He’ll come around.
Hi Oloni, my boyfriend of nearly 4 yrs is currently serving 5 yrs in prison (has done 16months so far) and it’s been extremely hard. I’m 21 and he’s 23, we also have a 2yr old that I’m raising on my own right now. Before he went to prison, we definitely had our ups and downs and my main issue was due to him not appreciating and supporting me enough. I had to sacrifice so much once I found out I was pregnant right before I turned 19, and I always felt like I did so much to make things comfy for him but he never really supported me enough emotionally. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always been a good dad to our daughter but it’s like my needs were disregarded. Anyway right now with him being in prison, he’s had some time to reflect on certain things that has happened between us and has apologised to me on many occasions and I’ve forgiven him because I love him and I can see he’s truly trying to change for the better. He tells me all the time that he wants me to wait for him and that he wants to marry me when he eventually comes home and start a new life together which is what I want too. He’s expressed to me on many occasions that while he’s away he doesn’t want me talking to/seeing any guy, even male friends I had before he went to prison & he knew of. I live on my own with my daughter and it can be lonely sometimes especially when she’s away spending time with her aunties & I end up feeling tempted to call a guy friend over, not necessarily for sex but just to have some company as it’s been a really long time. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend but I don’t know if I can continue to dismiss my needs. If you have any advice for my situation I would really appreciate it – Olivia
5. June 2015
You need to decide if you really want to wait for him to come out of prison. From what you’ve written you’ve mentioned mostly what he’s promised and what he wants, but what about you? Can you really commit to several years of waiting for someone who never gave the greatest impression before he was locked up.
The only answer I have is to put YOU and your child first. Do what makes you happy, do what makes you smile & do what won’t make you feel lonely for five years.
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