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I was seeing/sleeping with this guy. Before we first had unprotected sex I told him I had a condition and described the workings/risks of it. I omitted the name of the condition (herpes) but ensured there was no ground left uncovered when I explained everything to him. At the time it seemed like a good idea until he called me a couple weeks back with what seems to be an ulcer type sore in his mouth. The rest of his symptoms aren’t synonymous with the STI so I have little reason to believe it’s that as we took precautions. However, he feels deceived and angry at me. What can I do/say to calm him down as I never intended to deceive him although now I understand that by omitting the name of my condition I impeded his ability to make a comprehensive risk assessment on whether to have sex with me. Briefly speaking, what do I do? Apologise etc or leave it be?
16. June 2015
Once you start talking about sex it’s important be straight & let him know what the infection was instead of trying to look for ways around it or being 100% honest. He has every right to be mad, but you have to wait for him to calm down and talk to him. Having herpes isn’t the end of the world, but you should have clarified the condition to allow him to decide what he wants properly.
Hi Oloni. Thanks for ur advice about the double date urs and a few others on the TL was constructive. ngl the comments about me being a witch and a demon on the TL are hurtful to say the least but so be it . Just to giv u background info. me and my bf have been together 5 years. My bfs great uncle (who he was close to) died last summer, but bear in mind 2 months BEFORE his death my bf broke up with ME (to this day hes never clarified y and I never ask becos I know hes grieving). Straight after his great uncle died we met and got back together but things have been stale as I said . He calls me every night (no exaggeration) he does most of the talking, but when we’re face to face it fizzles, we haven’t had sex/kissed/hugged since we got back together nada. I feel like his therapist rather than his gf. It’s not that I’m attracted to my besties man, I just enjoyed the attention cos I haven’t felt it in so long . I only wanted to tell my bestie becos we’re like sisters and I tell her everything, even minors. Is it fair idk where I stand in my own relationship? Am I a friendly shoulder to cry or a loving gf? I can’t seem to separate the 2 :'( I’m human! I have needs too, is that so bad? If I was such a witch I would have broken up with him during this difficult time! So do I abandon my own needs for his sake or demand to know where I stand in this relationship?
16. June 2015
Thanks for coming back & giving more info. The truth is it sounds like you’re an emotional crutch and if you haven’t spoken about why you broke up before, you really shouldn’t be back with him. You sound very unhappy and it wouldn’t make you a bad person to sort out the issues the both of you have. It’s like you said, you’re not a therapist. Just make sure you don’t act on the attention that was given during the date.
Hi Oloni, I’ve never really been into girls but the other night my bestfriend and I got quite drunk and long story short we had sex (we’re both girls), I have a boyfriend but after that night I think I’ve started to develop feelings for her but I do really adore my boyfriend. I’m not sure what I should do. please make this QOTD
16. June 2015
No need to be a QOTD however – you need to decide what you want & be honest with the people you could be potentially hurting.
Hi Oloni, I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months, we were going so well. We haven’t slept together which is really different for me. Anyway we go out for dinner and see eachother frequently I’ve met his family and he is a super nice guy, I’m 19 and he’s 23 not a difference but I thought it’s worth stating for a better picture, I’m really starting to like him, and he’s told me he’s likes me and wants to see where things go. We recently started talking about sex and he said he doesn’t want to rush into anything but soon after this he stopped speaking to me. I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid or not but I was completely up for it and was ready to with him (both have had a couple of sexual partners, so we aren’t virgins) I don’t know whether my keenness is the reason he doesn’t want to talk anymore I’ve tried messaging him on several types of media eg text call iMessage snapchat – no reply. What do I do?
16. June 2015
Move on, he’s shown he’s not that interested any more. Don’t dwell on it.
Hey Oloni Can you advise me on this. Few months b4 my birthday my girlfriend of 10months who I live with asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I jokingly said I didn’t mind a threesome. We both laughed at it and I honestly thought it ended there. She went behind my back and told my best friend(whom she always told me is cute) that I would love a threesome for my birthday and invited him to join!. They both planned it and on my birthday after we partied all night my best friend followed my girlfriend and I home. We started smoking and drinking again in the living room and before I knew my girlfriend was already giving me head in front of my friend. I wanted to stop her but It’s been a fantasy so I left her to continue. My friend joined later and we both banged my girlfriend in turns. After that day I felt so bad I couldn’t even look her in the face again . But I blame myself for putting the thought in her head. 2 months later, my girlfriend got upset that I haven’t touched her since my birthday (obliviously I’m not over the fact that my best friend fucked her). I tried to explain things to her but she didn’t care to listen
16. June 2015
There’s so much going on here. Why did you not ask him to leave once he followed you? Why was this not a discussion prior. It’s absolutely messy and has probably ruined the dynamics of this relationship. Try and talk about it & see where you can go from there.
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