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Hi Oloni I recently started dating this guy for a few months and things are going well. However he put a picture of vaginas on his twitter and was describing his preferences that he can’t sex with a long labia. I have a long labia which I’m quite self conscious about and some discolouration in that area also. Naturally our relationship will become sexual and I’m scared he’ll reject me when he sees my vagina. I know that sounds bizarre but I’m really self conscious what do I do? (I’ve had sex before but that guy preferred it so it was okay)
11. August 2015
He sounds childish, very very very childish. Some men are so obsessed with what they see in porn they assume it’s a reality. Vaginas come in several shapes and sizes. So do not feel insecure about yours as they are never identical. What you should do is discuss it as it sounds like he doesn’t have much respect women and their bodies.
Hey Oloni, I have two kids, the oldest is 15 year old boy and the second is a 12 year old girl. Me and My husband have been together for 16 years (were both 32), however it wasn’t until our first daughter was born that he told me he was arrested on molestation charges of his toddler cousin when he was 14 but the Charges were dropped. This was before he met me and I believe him when he said he didn’t do it. He says it’s because of that arrest that he is super cautious around little girls (he didn’t even bath my daughter/changed diapers). Because of that my daughter is not close to her father at all, they barely talk. Right now I’m 4 months pregnant with a Lil girl and I want to start over, I want him to get over the arrest and bond with our daughter. How do I approach the situation?
11. August 2015
This is very deep. I think you both might need to go through some counselling as this is not only affecting your relationship, but the relationship he has with his very own child. Try to speak to him about it and suggest the idea. This isn’t something that goes away after one talk. I really feel as though a professional need to intervene so you can get your fresh start. Good luck.
Hey Oloni. I have a dire problem. My boyfriend and I have decided to “abstain” from sex.. as per actual penetration. We do other peripheral stuff, but like I said, it always ends before sex. BUT, I am sexually frustrated. The no sex thing was my idea, but oga’s head game is WEAK. (You need to do a post or whatever on this – sucking is not pleasure UGHHHH) Also, he’s so quick to puncture me with his fingers. It has stopped being even the least bit pleasurable. I am tired, and my vagina is tired. How do I tell him that he needs to work on his skills without “hurting” his ego. Mind you, I always feign like I’m enjoying it i.e. moaning and the likes so I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. I know this sounds a bit childish, but I just don’t know, lol. Help, biko!
11. August 2015
My dear, you have to speak up and explain what you like and prefer during this sexual act. Guide him and he does all the things to try and please you. It’s no good lying about the pleasure, you’re only wasting your time and his.
hi Oloni. I submitted a problem/question earlier today & i didnt say hello or thank you or anything polite to you. I just wrote my question as i thought id be taken to a page where I’d fill in other details. So I just want to say Hi!, that I love your work (congrats on Pride!) & if you can respond to my question I’d be so grateful. It was about my bf who has sexted another woman while with me & he invites over to his for the night but goes out with his mates all night & leaves me alone at his house. Really don’t know what to do pr what would be a rational response to it all. Hope you can help, thank you x
11. August 2015
Thanks and I’m sure I’ve responded
Hey, I’ve been with my bf going on to two years now, when we first got together I tried the injection contraception but I had bad side effects then I tried the pill & it made me put on weight now I’m on the implant still getting bad side effects bleeding & cramps, I’ve told him I want to come off it & use the iud but he’s saying no I should give the implant time to settle but I can’t when I’m in pain I don’t want to be selfish & take it out behind his back what should I do please I’m tired of it
11. August 2015
Let him know you will be removing it, he doesn’t have a say on your choice of contraception. If it’s making you feel sick/weak/uncomfortable then do what’s best for your body immediately and see a nurse at a sexual health clinic who can help you. Try sticking to condoms till you find a contraception that responds well to your body, there are so many out there.
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