Hey,

Nope you’re not over exaggerating. It’s rude and it shows he either doesn’t have respect for women in general or a certain type of woman which are both as bad as each other. I just think you need to sit down with him and make it explicitly clear the use of that word makes you uncomfortable and it’s making you look at him differently. What you choose to do in response is on you.

-Ebi. A

I always think with these things if you can’t leave for yourself think of how you’d feel bringing kids into this environment? Presuming this is the man you had hoped to spend your life with. Just imagine that environment. You know exactly what you need to do and although it may be painful, these things are often not as complicated as we, with all our emotions, make them out to be. You are not his mother. So you do not have to provide a roof for him. Has it ever crossed your mind that he actually doesn’t love or respect you and he’s actually just with you for convenience? After all you do everything his mother should be doing for him and on top of that you do everything a girlfriend would be doing for him but you’ve lost yourself in the process. What scumbag wouldn’t be with a girl who accepts his cheating ways (accepts in the sense that you’re still there despite all your “empty” threats of leaving?) And you know what’s worse he will continue to cheat on you and find a girl who “respects herself” (that’s the phrase all scumbags love so don’t be surprised if he uses those words to describe the new girl) and act right for her? and blame all his cheating ways on the fact that “you let him?’ without ever taking responsibility for his actions? That’s exactly how guys like this act and if on the odd occasion he chooses to marry you, you think for one second he will stop all of a sudden? You need to learn how to love yourself again. You do not deserve to be treated like dirt. You need to discover what self love is again. You will also find that there are so many other options out there, so many guys willing to love you the way you wish to be loved, don’t you ever underestimate that. Maybe you’re just not tired enough, eventually you’ll get there but you don’t want that to be when he get’s another girl pregnant or brings you an STD for Christmas. (lets be real, he is not having protected sex with all these girls). So girl run far away from him and find yourself again, it’s not easy but it’s worth it. So as for practical things to do, demand he moves out, get family or close friends involved if he refuses to cooperate. Block him on all social networks, even change your phone number, surround yourself with all your friends and distract yourself if you can with things you love gym, food, friends, anything that works for you. Ps. when you drop a shit guy your skin begins to glow, trust me. Best of luck.

-Ebi. A

Hey,

No you don’t need to be waiting around for this guy when there are plenty options out here (would he wait for you? nope)  and you also don’t need to be holding onto the conversations you had with him about marriage, words are just words. Right now he is not giving you what you need from him and he is still in communication with his ex. I would say even though it may hurt fall back and completely cut all ties and focus on yourself and stick to it, that way if he wants to be in your life he needs to come correct. At the end of the day let’s be clear you’re not trying to be his friend, you’re in this for more than friendship. Locking off your relationship and suggesting friendship indicates he is not on the same page as you and that’s always a recipe for disaster when you continue to force it despite the obvious signs (you could also end up in  a lot more mess than you bargained for ie. pregnancy etc. for a man who could leave you for his ex at any moment). Also don’t dismiss your gut instinct, it’s usually right. Focus on yourself, if he eventually plans to take you seriously he will put in the required effort. Guys are not lazy when it comes to a girl they really want and right now it seems like he’s wasting your time. Best of luck.

-Ebi. A

Hey,

There are endless possibilities so it’s hard to tell. It could be anything from “she’s not that into you” to she is still in the process of healing from her past situation or she just finds it hard to show affection in general and it’s nothing personal. The only way you can go about this is by COMMUNICATING. I’m sure you knew that was coming haha but it’s so necessary. So just like you’ve expressed your feelings in this message I think it’s important for you to express your feelings to her and make her feel comfortable, tell her you just want to understand her and that she doesn’t have to talk in detail about her experiences but she needs to give you something in order for this situation to progress healthily. I also think you need to make a decision as to what you can or cannot tolerate because you either accept someone as they are, attempt to help them come out of their shell (assuming they are actually in one) or you come to an understanding that you just might not be compatible (sometimes compatibility is a matter of wrong timing, she may not have healed from her last partner). All in all, you need to press for her to give you something you can work with, it is still early times so take it easy. Also don’t hold on much to everything you’ve talked about, ie. marriage and so on. Sometimes things are not as they seem but in all cases pay more attention to actions because at the end of the day that’s what is important. Hope this helped. Good luck.

-Ebi. A

Hey,

If it’s out of spite don’t message her she has feelings and she hasn’t done anything to you. As a rule of thumb I always say you wait until you’re in a better place to contact the girl (if you feel it’s necessary eg. unprotected sex, you’re not the only one, you think her health is in danger or she is) this is to ensure that there’s no level of bitterness in your approach. The reason why I say this is because girlfriends don’t always react in the way you hope they will, especially girlfriends who know their boyfriends ain’t shit. She can hear everything you say and be like “and so?” and happily continue with her situation. More often than not, if you were hoping for some sort of solidarity, which is what girls sometimes look for especially if they feel burnt or hurt, that dismissive response can really feel like shit. So prioritise yourself, move on from this situation (assuming you know better than to stay in a situation with someone who can’t even be transparent with you even if it is a casual relationship) and find someone you’re on the same page with who will not drag you into a potentially messy situation as a result of their selfishness. If you find yourself in a better space then do what you feel you need to do but when you get to that space, who knows you might even feel it’s long and think that energy is better off spent working on your new relationship or your own happiness and who knows she may even contact you.

-Ebi. A