Hey,

Its extremely clear to me that you need to cut off all communication with this man. Not only does he have stalker tendencies, he physically abused you and had verbally abused on a number of occasions. He is a liar and he clearly doesn’t want you to move on but at the same time he doesn’t want you back. You need to leave this situation alone. Block him on everything. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care he is just obsessive. Furthermore he is dangerous. You need to put yourself first. If he contacts you again make it extremely clear that you will report him to the police. Also tell a trusted family member if at any point you feel you’re at risk. Lastly you need to tell your friends that under no circumstance should they request you speak to him “in person” or arrange anything like that in future…it’s rather risky and I’m surprised that they thought that was an appropriate step to take given the fact that he almost physically assaulted you. Hope this helps.

Ebi

Hey,

Do all you can within reason. Disappointment is understandable but I personally do not believe you should do anything that can lead to even more financial problems later on down the line. He is operating within his budget as he did have the option to pay for you to get there, so I don’t see why you should go broke at his expense when he is obviously unwilling to go broke at your expense. So just do what you have to do. If this means the end of your long distance relationship then as painful as that may be, so be it. Just reassure yourself with the understanding that you did all you could and you actually made an effort but things beyond your control got in the way. That is life, if he cannot understand that then what else can you really do?

Ebi

Hey,

I’m glad you have realised your mistake. The answer may not feel simple but I’d say communicate your feelings with her again and say if she doesn’t stop interfering you will have to walk away from this friendship. She is being highly disrespectful and respectfully terminating that friendship would be an understandable reaction to her unwillingness to stay out of a situation she doesn’t need to be involved in. Apart from that there’s nothing more you can do because he is also entertaining her input, you can’t stop him from listening to her but you can moving forward take note of all the lessons to be learnt from this and just wait it out and see what happens.

Ebi

Hey lovely,

I agree with you it’s a very big problem. I’m glad you found out. I personally feel as though to lie about getting tested says a lot about your character. You slept with him with the understanding that he had been tested. Going by what you are saying, if you knew he hadn’t been you wouldn’t have. Given he didn’t cheat but he lied about something serious. That in itself is something you need to consider and take very seriously. In a lot of cases, a person will only take your sexual health as seriously as they take theirs. If you choose to look past this make it a must that both of you regularly get checked together. If you choose not to continue with this situation I totally agree with that decision, luckily for you you didn’t contract something worse or you didn’t find out late, all of which could have been a possibility. Hope this helped.

Ebi

Hey,

This happens lovely. You both just need to sit down and set rules on how you will communicate your issues to each other without it reaching a place of negativity. You can either choose to do this by yourself or find an impartial mediator…ie. Counselling and so on. Make a decision to do good even when you don’t feel like it. So maybe go on dates that remind you of when you first met or do all the things you used to do…so that you’re reminded of why you’re together. You need to do more and more positive things to counteract the negative without leaving discussions unfinished or just sweeping your issues under the carpet. Maybe both of you need to honestly write down what is making  you angry. Then compare the list…then together work towards finding solutions to those issues. His mother will always be his mother but there are ways to reduce any interference without intentionally causing offence. Understand that what you let slide now will only continue. So if she is too involved and this cultural thing is getting to you, do not shy away from those discussions, just be respectful and request that he be impartial and think of the long term impact on your relationship. If there are aspects of his culture that he has claimed you are overreacting about then see if there is space for compromise and maybe find some people who share that same culture and ask them to explain in detail what those things mean and or represent. Sometimes annoyance with some of these things comes from a lack of understanding, the more you understand the less offence you will take (in some cases) if those things aren’t set in place with the sole purpose of offending you. This is all I can say given the fact that you didn’t go into detail. But hope this helped.

Ebi