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Hi Oloni. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Everything was good and going really well in the beginning. Recently we have been arguing a lot and when we argue he decides to block my number and not speak to me for weeks. Emotionally I really can’t handle it but he says that he gets results from it so he will continue to do it. How can I stop him from doing this??
7. June 2016
Not speaking for weeks is not the best way to handle things if you’re commited to each other seriously. If you’ve brought this up with him already, it’s up to you to decide whether you can continue to stay with him if this is how he goes about disagreements.
Hi Oloni, I could really use your advice. I’ve been with my bf for 5-6 months. I am becoming frustrated because Im not being heard. In the beginning the sex was better& more frequent time went on, life became stressful for us both and now we barely have sex,maybe 1- 2x in a month&when we do have sex,it’s quick and leaves me unsatisfied. I’ve already talked to him about it more than once & he’ll say things like “Idgas go out and fuck other guys if I don’t please you” or you “youngins always think about sex,I don’t care to have sex like that” ..he’s 5 years older than me& swears he’s old,he’s 29 & I’m 24. However it’s not just about the sex it’s the intimacy and physical connection, I don’t need it everyday although it is preferred. I’ll settle for once or twice a week(he said that’ll he’ll try it &never did). I’ve tried initiating multiple times .. That failed. I’ve tried the talking + foreplay and oral and that failed. I see his actions as selfish based on his responses and I told him that. However,I understand his situation and I know he is stressed so maybe that’s taking his toll on his libido. he’s a very giving man but I just need to know what else can I do because I want this to work.
2. June 2016
Hey dear! This is a very common problem that a lot of couples go through. When you’re stressed with work you really just want to hit the sack as your libido does decrease. You also rarely find time to get it on. I’m glad to know you’ve spoken to him about it, that was the first step.. the only thing is he’s not doing what you both discussed.
This has nothing to do with age as 29 is still very, very, very young lol! If you’re in a sexual relationship with your partner.. you want sex, it’s that simple. You’ve explained that all you’re after is once or twice a week with a better connection..and I do feel like you should be able to compromise in that aspect. TIP: Have you ever tried spicing your love life outside of the sheets? Getting him so hot and bothered that he just can’t wait to see you? I’m talking about sexting or sending random nudes. You don’t always have to wait till your beside each other to heat things up.
I was thinking about suggesting a sex therapist but re-read your first line where you said ‘5-6 months’ .. so instead what I will say is, bring it up again and if you see no changes understand that you’re both probably not sexually compatible.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I’ve been talking to this boy for a couple of months now. We started off as just friends but things got serious once I lost my v to him. As expected, I ended up catching feelings and that’s when things changed. I think he knew that things were getting serious and everyday just turned into an argument. I’m not sure if he’s seeing other people as we haven’t had the “what are we” conversation yet and I don’t even know how to bring it up. I’m not sure how to go forward from this or to even let go, I can’t lie the only thing that makes me want to stay is the fact that this is the guy I lost my v to. However his behaviour doesn’t portray someone that’s ready for a relationship. Where do I go from here?
2. June 2016
Hey dear, you seem quite young and somewhat new to the game in terms of dating and relationships. If he’s not being upfront about his intentions then that’s unfair, the mature approach would be for him to simply state how he feels. I know you lost your virginity to him, so there’s an emotional connection that has been formed, but hun losing you virginity to a guy does not mean you will avoid heartache. If his actions are showing you that he’s not serious, give yourself some space from him and BELIEVE him.
Oloni
Hi Oloni. I have a dilemma. A big one. I’ve given up on finding love and it breaks my heart. I write this crying. Let me get into why. I have a STD (the worse one that’s still stigmatised heavily) I’m so ashamed I can’t even say it. Though it’s only 3 letters. Anyways. It was passed onto me by a man who is now in prison. I was 13. I’m much much older now. But even since I’ve found intimacy difficult. I had a bf for a year. We didn’t do anything because I was afraid. But I broke it off before saying why as he wanted marriage. But I knew that would change when he found out I was basically damaged goods. I then got into a relationship for 4 months with another guy and told him the truth as I have fallen so hard for him. He dumped me the next day. He said if it wasn’t for that we’d still be together. Understandable in the end. But his rejection has scared me for life. I’ve tried specialised dating websites and it hasn’t worked. I’ve given up. People say I’m bubbly, intelligent and pretty. But I know that’s not enough for a relationship. And I feel undesirable. What would be your advice to me. A woman looking for love but given up.
2. June 2016
Email me, I’d rather speak to you if possible asap. simplyoloni@gmail.com
Hi oloni. My friend is clearly attracted to my boyfriend and was always asking for his pictures and joking about threesomes when we were dating however now when she’s around him at parties for example she flirts, asks about our sex life and other private things about him. he’s thinks she’s pathetic and not a good friend so he doesn’t entertain it but I know she’s lonely and maybe doesn’t want my bf per-say maybe just someone to be with? But how do I tell her subtly to back off because it’s embarrassing and hoeish OR should I let my boyfriend whose dying to do it tell her ? Thank you
2. June 2016
You friend sounds annoying and since she’s your mate it’s better if it comes from you. Explain that although you understand she might be messing around, you find her jokes inappropriate and it makes you and your partner uncomfortable. Her reasoning behind it, is irrelevant.
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