Ask Oloni

Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book a private call here

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I have a 1 year old son and live with the mother but I am miserable. I have tried everything to make it work not just for the sake of our child but because I love her but she is just so controlling and manipulative and miserable to be around all the time. I don’t know what to do. I want to stay and make it work but it seems like the only time we are both happy enough for the environment to not be toxic is when we are apart. 25. December 2016

Hey love, it sounds like you’ve tried to be there and make it work, but now you’re emotionally draining yourself. I think it’d be sensible if you had a conversation with the mother of your child and voice how you feel.

Oloni

I found out that my boyfriend took another girl out to dinner and posted it on his snapchat (he blocked me on my account so i used a fake account to add him and saw his story). I feel like it’s a clear sign that he’s cheated but i don’t want to accuse without solid evidence… How would you suggest i approach this “talk” with my man. Also i should note that he has never posted me on his social media 24. December 2016

Umm the fact he blocked you and went out to dinner is hard evidence. These are clearly not signs from a faithful person, so confront him and let his behind go. He posted another woman BUT YOU haven’t even seen the back camera of his phone…listen.

Oloni

Hi, basically i was seeing someone for a few months and i can honestly say that i had deep feelings for her, but recently we had a fight and shit happened so we ended up calling it a day, i still think about her occasionally i cant lie, since the time we stopped talking i have slept with other women but it just doesn’t feel the same, like i don’t enjoy it at all even though the sex isn’t bad, what advice can you give me 24. December 2016

What you do with other people when you’re not in a relationship is your business. If you know you’re actually serious about the woman, call her and tell the lady how you feel.

Oloni

i have an issue with my boyfriends dishonesty about the smallest things such as where he has been and who he is with, he’ll tell me one thing , then i’ll catch him in a lie and he FLIPS out , becomes verbally abusive and tells me that i’m always being negative or looking for problems when i bring up how lying. I try to explain to him that not every time i bring up an issue or the fact that he’s been untruthful – is not me attacking him but just trying to get clarity on why he would need to be dishonest about something so minor. It gets me paranoid because my kind goes crazy wondering why he has lied and then i become upset because it leads to big arguments where he is VERY rude, calls me pathetic, stupid, mad etc and even hangs up the phone on me. He never lets me get a word in anywhere , it’s just him shouting at me like he’s my father and instructing me to listen. I love him a lot but it’s becoming stressful arguing every few days over minor issues and i’m not sure how to get through to someone who simply doesn’t listen. How would you advise i communicate with him or how could we work on our communication together? Because “leave him sis” is not something i want to consider as I know that this is my future partner. 24. December 2016

I have no idea why you bothered to write in when you finished your dilemma, with what you know you should be doing. How can your future be someone who is manipulating you? This is called gaslighting and should be the furthest thing you want from someone in a serious relationship.

He lies, drives you crazy, speaks down on you and doesn’t sound like he truly cares about you. Listen, you deserve WAY more. There is so much better out there, I swear to you. The longer you stay with chains around your ankle in this relationship, the harder it will become to walk away. Why do that to yourself?

Relationships are supposed to be about two people coming together to bring out the best in each other. Not this.

If you want more personal advice on how to handle this and you’re SERIOUS contact me personally HERE

Oloni

Hi Oloni, my bf and I have been on and off for the past three years and although we have managed to work through our issues, both of our families are very much guarded when we talk about our future. He recently gave me and ultimatum, which was to get married or walk away from the relationship and I agreed that we should get married. No one in my family is happy for me, especially my mother and sister, and I can already sense them distancing themselves away. I don’t want to have a bad relationship with my family nor do I want to lose the man I love. What should I do? 24. December 2016

Hey hun, it makes sense as to why both your families may be guarded and perhaps not the biggest fans of your relationship. But what stuck out to me when you wrote in, was the ultimatum your boyfriend gave you. Why was it ‘get married or walk?’ who does that? There’s clearly a bit more to this story, but I find that very weird in itself. You shouldn’t get married to someone out of fear that they will walk away if you don’t walk down the aisle with them tomorrow at 11am…especially if you might not be ready.

As for your family? Try sitting them down and having a conversation, talk about your differences and what you sense is happening with the relationship you have with them all, especially your mum.

Hopefully this all helps.

Oloni

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