Ask Oloni

Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book a private call here

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Sorry, I fell asleep

Hi Oloni, this is an issue I’ve been thinking about for years. To keep it brief my bf of several years still talks to the guy who sexually assaulted me and idk how to feel about it. I think the main reason why is he at the time “didnt know who to believe” because his close friend denied it. He also viewed it at the time as “cheating” on my part. The friend didn’t know we were together at the time. It’s a very touchy topic. I’m scared he’ll hurt me with insensitivity if I bring it up. What do to please? 27. December 2016

I honestly wish I could hug you right now. I’m incredibly sorry about what you went through, it doesn’t help that your boyfriend still speaks to him…It’s insensitive and disrespectful.

If you’re positive you want to stay with your bf, an open conversation between the two of you needs to take place. Understandably this isn’t something which is easy to discuss, but you musn’t be afraid to talk to him in fear of him saying the wrong thing. That silences your thoughts, which is extremely unfair.

If he doesn’t believe what happened and still thinks what he is doing is right, this relationship won’t be able to function properly. The longer you leave it, the more acceptable he thinks he actions are.

If you ever feel like having chat, do give me a call here

Oloni

My boyfriend keeps going places (shopping,smoking etc etc) with girls and think it’s okay. He said they have been friends before we got together and doesn’t see that it’s disrespectful that he’s doing it because to him they’re just friends. I went to my friends to make sure I’m not going mad and they said it’s wrong but they are hot headed like me and make decisions irrationally so I’m not sure how to feel. He’s not listening and think he’s in the right (as always) I have no one else to ask and feel like I’m being extra when I say I really don’t like him doing all these activities with girls 27. December 2016

I understand your concern. I get it, when you’re in a relationship there’s certain activities you cut out with the opposite sex. (Or at least minimise) Shopping & smoking with other women is definitely right at the top of that list.

You don’t want to feel like you’re sharing your boyfriend, so it makes sense as to why this bothers you.

Have a sit down conversation and do not look for an argument. Say something like ‘I respect the fact you have a great bond with your friends, but I feel that some parts of your relationship with them makes me uncomfortable…’ – As a partner, he is the last person who should be making you feel this way.

Getting high with other women is not okay, would he be fine if you did the exact same thing with different men?

Talk about it and see how his actions are after, you, his girlfriend, have expressed your thoughts and emotions.

Good luck

Oloni

Girl please HELP! I’ve been seeing this boy for two months now, he constantly checks I’m only sleeping with him and drops hints that he likes me then on Christmas Eve went out his way to tell me he doesn’t see it going anywhere, he doesn’t like me like that bla bla bla then that night and all over Christmas he’s been texting saying he misses me and wishes he was with me bla bla. I’m very confused, should I just let it go or wait for him to be ready for a relationship? 27. December 2016

Have a conversation with him and ask what the hell is going on. He’s sending you mixed signals.

Oloni

Dear Oloni, I recently met a guy who I didn’t know was married, I recently found out and have grown so much to like him, he’s begging me not to leave him, his wife knows about us and now send me threat messages. I don’t know what to do 27. December 2016

Um leave?

Oloni

…sigh oloni, where to start :(? my boyfriend and i have kbeen dating for 8 months and everything’s fine except the fact that he feels like he’ll never be able to pleasure me sexually and that I dont enjoy sex with cause of the standards of porn. He thinks that everytime i dont moan, its cause i dont enjoy it when thats not the case. sometimes even when i moan, he feels like it’s not loud enough and i don’t know how to explain to him that porn standards aren’t always realistic and that every girl is diff with how she feels and acts during sex. the downside of this is that im shy so i’ve never had the chance to explore myself and what i like sexually before i met him – what should i do please? 25. December 2016

Hey love, it sounds like porn has been a huge influence on your partners sex life which is where the blurred lines have come in. You need to have a conversation and explain how pornography is not real and voice how you feel it’s affecting you.

You should also find time to explore your sexuality, this could be through masturbating or researching.

Oloni

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