Hey, Oloni. I had a gut feeling that things had changed in my year marriage (a decade together) had changed. He was was reacting differently during sex and I confronted him about it, had a chat and he essentially blamed it on me. Fast forward a couple months I finally found evidence of an affair through his WhatsApp messages. I found multiple messages and calls got his mum round to confront and mediate with him. He went off the rails, punching walls and doors and was more offended that I brought his mum into it. In the end he totally maintained the story that it was a sexting affair. I believe with my heart that is bullshit as the messages reference ‘sneaky link’, ‘usual time’, ‘dicking down’ and other buzz words. I decided to move past and saw a therapist briefly to process my emotions and the fact that my fresh marriage had been compromised. He also went on holiday around the time I noticed a change in behaviour and because I’ve been so busy with my SEN child and self employment… I’ve too busy to do some sleuthing. Well, I had time this week! It seems from the confrontation early last year that he did a full sweep of all emails, so I couldn’t find his flight booking. I contacted the airline and received confirmation of TWO people, including one of the women he claimed was just an acquaintance (a different woman o, not the one he was sneaky linking). I know my guy/intuition 8s on point, so I’m not even shocked because I already knew. I am just so busy and don’t get a fucking second to myself that my brain is clogged and I cant process my emotions. He’s definitely taking advantage of this. Anyways, my question is how to confront him about this second woman. He was so meticulous he actually thinks he got away with this shit! I don’t know whether to beat him, kill him and just abandon him in dust. I can’t even talk to fam or friends because it’s the kind of thing you can’t keep to yourself lol
27. February 2023
I’m so aggravated for you. He’s clearly lying and repeating his awful behaviour. This doesn’t sound like a marriage, but instead hell that I really believe you need to get out of. How do you even reason with this type of person? From sexting to flying out with other chicks? wtf. You have to do what’s best for you and your child at this point. I can’t tell you how to confront it, but I do believe it needs to be done ASAP. Perhaps speak to a therapist if you feel like you can’t talk to friends and family. I also think you should save enough money for you and your child incase you need to get out quickly.
Sending you lots of love ❤️
Oloni
Hi, I’m 27 and dating for love. I’m very intentional but often end up having sex with a guy I’m interested in because I enjoy sex. My issue is when I meet a guy who I have amazing sexual chemistry with, like there’s nothing I would change about our energy and what we do – as he’s just as adventurous as me. I start to find it hard to detach myself when they do something that upsets me or isn’t what I would want in a partner and they don’t correct it after multiple times communicating. I’m starting to feel like I should withhold sex because it’s definitely making me more attached to them. Sometimes in the past when I’ve been ready to end it with someone it takes me way longer (but I do it) cos the sex has me. I love sex but I think it’s creating a false closeness/connection. Should I wait till I bond with someone more first ? Or will that still be the same potentially even if I wait months ?
27. February 2023
It feels like you’ve basically answered your own question and that’s a positive thing because it means you’re aware of what might need to change and what sex could possibly be doing, You should test out not sleeping with someone too early and seeing if it makes things different for you. I’m not saying it will, but you’ll only know if you try.
It sucks when the sex is lit, I get it.. but you owe yourself exploring sex and love in a new way.
Oloni
Hi oloni my child’s father does not acknowledge her however I not long found out he has another child with a person I can only assume he is dating however he has said they just coparent but I can’t trust what he says as he’s a liar but do I try find the female as I want my child to know her sibling or do I just continue to raise my child alone and hope when they are older they find one another as I have no clue if she knows about me and I do not want to cause drama
27. February 2023
Sorry you’re experiencing this first of all. I hope you have friends and family who are supporting you. I do think you should notify the other lady, but what I really you to do is to get him on child support asap.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, so my partner and I have been broken up for nearly 8 months but have still been sleeping together, during this period I have also dated and slept with other people (close to home) but maintained or should I say lie that I have been focusing on myself. I want him back but don’t want to start on lies, I know if I tell him, he wouldn’t be able to move on, should I just take it to the grave?
25. February 2023
Are you sing protection with these other people? I don’t think it’s any of his business, but as long as you’re fine sexually health wise its entirely up to you.
Oloni
So I’m 22 and still a virgin because when I was 19 I found out that I have hsv1 (basically I get cold sores). I’m in a place where I want to get into a relationship, hook up and all that but I’m not sure how to navigate it. I have two friends who also have it but are in committed relationships who’ve said it doesn’t matter in the long run since a lot of people have it but I would feel guilty if any of my sexual partners get it from me. I just don’t know how to start navigating dating, relationships and hook ups because I’ve shit down after I was diagnosed and now I feel like if I don’t start dating now I’m going to be left behind and have no experience
25. February 2023
Hey thank you for sending this in. I answer this question in detail in my book The Big O
Oloni
Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Sign up to our mailing list to read our sex and relationship features first.
You have Successfully Subscribed!