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Hi, I’m 27 and dating for love. I’m very intentional but often end up having sex with a guy I’m interested in because I enjoy sex. My issue is when I meet a guy who I have amazing sexual chemistry with, like there’s nothing I would change about our energy and what we do – as he’s just as adventurous as me. I start to find it hard to detach myself when they do something that upsets me or isn’t what I would want in a partner and they don’t correct it after multiple times communicating. I’m starting to feel like I should withhold sex because it’s definitely making me more attached to them. Sometimes in the past when I’ve been ready to end it with someone it takes me way longer (but I do it) cos the sex has me. I love sex but I think it’s creating a false closeness/connection. Should I wait till I bond with someone more first ? Or will that still be the same potentially even if I wait months ?
27. February 2023
It feels like you’ve basically answered your own question and that’s a positive thing because it means you’re aware of what might need to change and what sex could possibly be doing, You should test out not sleeping with someone too early and seeing if it makes things different for you. I’m not saying it will, but you’ll only know if you try.
It sucks when the sex is lit, I get it.. but you owe yourself exploring sex and love in a new way.
Oloni
Hi oloni my child’s father does not acknowledge her however I not long found out he has another child with a person I can only assume he is dating however he has said they just coparent but I can’t trust what he says as he’s a liar but do I try find the female as I want my child to know her sibling or do I just continue to raise my child alone and hope when they are older they find one another as I have no clue if she knows about me and I do not want to cause drama
27. February 2023
Sorry you’re experiencing this first of all. I hope you have friends and family who are supporting you. I do think you should notify the other lady, but what I really you to do is to get him on child support asap.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, so my partner and I have been broken up for nearly 8 months but have still been sleeping together, during this period I have also dated and slept with other people (close to home) but maintained or should I say lie that I have been focusing on myself. I want him back but don’t want to start on lies, I know if I tell him, he wouldn’t be able to move on, should I just take it to the grave?
25. February 2023
Are you sing protection with these other people? I don’t think it’s any of his business, but as long as you’re fine sexually health wise its entirely up to you.
Oloni
So I’m 22 and still a virgin because when I was 19 I found out that I have hsv1 (basically I get cold sores). I’m in a place where I want to get into a relationship, hook up and all that but I’m not sure how to navigate it. I have two friends who also have it but are in committed relationships who’ve said it doesn’t matter in the long run since a lot of people have it but I would feel guilty if any of my sexual partners get it from me. I just don’t know how to start navigating dating, relationships and hook ups because I’ve shit down after I was diagnosed and now I feel like if I don’t start dating now I’m going to be left behind and have no experience
25. February 2023
Hey thank you for sending this in. I answer this question in detail in my book The Big O
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I’ve been seeing a married man for 5 years – he takes care of me, our relationship is very low maintenance and I’m definitely not inlove with him.. he just *sigh* takes care of me so well. I don’t have a good paying job, my family rely heavily on me financially and he really has my back and the comfort and security I have with him is unmatched. I’ve tried dating other men but none of them are capable or able to meet my needs like he is. He is in the process of buying me a house. I know this can’t last forever and I do want my own family/husband and happily ever after but I also need to survive. Please help 🥺
25. February 2023
if I’m entirely honest I don’t know what you expect me to say. i’m sure you know that messing around with someone who is married is wrong, you both know that regardless of what he’s doing for you. I’m going to make this a QOTD
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