Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Hi Oloni, a guy I was talking to allowed me to have sex with him after I expressed to him how important it is to me. We had to stop fore play one time because the worry of having sex with him was physically affecting my body language and he saw it. I specifically told him that I don’t want anything casual and I wanted someone who was going to be there and learn my body. I didn’t want to give access to me in that way if it was a temporary fling. He reassured me that he’s all in with me (he had continuously said he wanted a relationship with me) and when I asked him if he’s entertaining other women he said no. I consented to sex with him based on this information but then a few weeks later he tells me he’s met someone else and we can’t see eachother anymore. My feelings for him were not strong enough for me to be heartbroken but I can’t help but feel extremely violated because he knowingly withheld information that would’ve revoked my consent. I am having trouble dealing with this and I do not want to want to use certain words lightly as a lot of women have experienced worse and traumatic experiences, but I can’t help but feel violated and assaulted. I have been robbed of the opportunity to properly consent to it, because he knew me well enough to know that my answer would have been ‘no’ had he been honest with me. Am I overthinking this?
22. December 2020
Hey hun I understand you’re upset and you have every right to be. If the situation changed over a couple of weeks, he is allowed to change his mind on who he wants to continue seeing. He expressed himself and told you, he doesn’t get a cookie for it but my point is he continued to be honest throughout and didn’t ghost.
It’s an interesting one. I’ll post on social media and see what others think. I do hope you’re okay, make sure you try and speak to friends you trust about this if it’s still heavy on your mind. Sometimes sex can be complicated.
Oloni
Hi oloni, I’ve recently started dating a new guy. He’s Nigerian and I’m not. He’s literally perfect for me, attractive, good job etc. We were talking recently and I made a cheeky comment about Yoruba demons that was meant to just be a joke but I think he took it the wrong way, we never really got into an argument over it but I could see by how he was texting he was annoyed. Ever since then our convos have started to turn sour and he doesn’t message as much. My friends are saying he is childish for not taking a joke so I’ve sort of left it but I actually think he’d be perfect for me so sort of want to apologise and move on. What should I do/ have you got any tips?
22. December 2020
Urgh, let him go. Small play is making him vex like so. He can’t be that perfect if small banter is allowing convos to turn sour.
Oloni
When im out(side) with my man, i ALWAYS wear a mask. My man wears it over his chin and he doesnt listen to me when i saw ‘cover your mouth and nose’ and instead tells me ‘i cant hear you, take off your mask if you want to talk to me’. I CANNOT stand this. My mum is a paramedic and ive lost 2 family members due to covid. YET he still doesnt take it serious? What should i do because the frustration is unreal and im starting to worry about if he leaves the house to go shop and doesnt wear it. Especially since ive been explaining to him about the new C strain is more spreadable. ITS INFURIATING oloni, i am tired.
22. December 2020
Hey hun, extremely sorry about your loss. Do you have to be around boyfriend? I’m thinking you tell him how you feel and if he doesn’t listen, you cut off seeing him for some time to protect yourself.
Oloni
I’ve been in a situationship for nearly 2 years. I’ve come to the point where I’m done with it and know I have to end it, but the bondage I have over this man makes it impossible- I don’t want to loose him as a friend but his stubbornness I’m not cuffing me is too much😢
22. December 2020
Baby girl, do you not believe you’re worthy of better treatment? When you get tired, you’ll leave. But the longer you stay, the more of yourself is poured into someone else, instead of working on you. Working on building yourself to be ready for someone who isn’t going to mess you around.
Oloni
My partner has a friend that makes me insecure. Early on in our relationship, my bf introduced his friend as his sister and when I asked how they were related, he only said they have different mothers. Months later I found out they met at a party in high school. When I voiced being hurt for being led on to believe them to be actual siblings, both dismissed my fear but also told me that their relationship comes before me. I tried to be fine with it and try to be her friend, but as months have gone on, I feel myself getting more resentful of the fact that I am not a priority. Eventually I had a good opportunity to point out how my bf would push me to the side for her and my bf agreed to work on making me more of a priority. His friend cut off ties with me, saying that I was crazy and that I needed to accept that she is more important. Her exact words were that she is the main character and I need to accept I’m not the main character. My boyfriend is still friends with her, just doesn’t mention her to me. But it still upsets me he would be friends with someone who treated me like that.
22. December 2020
Yeah this is a toxic triangle. No one respects you here, you have to leave unless you like hurt and pain sis.
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