Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
So I’m 22 and still a virgin because when I was 19 I found out that I have hsv1 (basically I get cold sores). I’m in a place where I want to get into a relationship, hook up and all that but I’m not sure how to navigate it. I have two friends who also have it but are in committed relationships who’ve said it doesn’t matter in the long run since a lot of people have it but I would feel guilty if any of my sexual partners get it from me. I just don’t know how to start navigating dating, relationships and hook ups because I’ve shit down after I was diagnosed and now I feel like if I don’t start dating now I’m going to be left behind and have no experience
25. February 2023
Hey thank you for sending this in. I answer this question in detail in my book The Big O
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I’ve been seeing a married man for 5 years – he takes care of me, our relationship is very low maintenance and I’m definitely not inlove with him.. he just *sigh* takes care of me so well. I don’t have a good paying job, my family rely heavily on me financially and he really has my back and the comfort and security I have with him is unmatched. I’ve tried dating other men but none of them are capable or able to meet my needs like he is. He is in the process of buying me a house. I know this can’t last forever and I do want my own family/husband and happily ever after but I also need to survive. Please help 🥺
25. February 2023
if I’m entirely honest I don’t know what you expect me to say. i’m sure you know that messing around with someone who is married is wrong, you both know that regardless of what he’s doing for you. I’m going to make this a QOTD
oloni
Hey Oloni, I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 months but we were sleeping together for a bout a year before we made things official. All of this to say, I want him to call me a slut 😂 (his slut, you know in an affectionate way) but he’s not into it. I loveeee having sex with this man 😍 he is gentle but passionate and turns me on in a way that no one ever has (and it’s a very healthy and loving relationship). But I would definitely say I’m more of the adventurous one – he’s coming out of his sexual shell more and let’s me do things like masturbate in front him and eat his ass (and he’s a black man – I feel like that’s big!) Anyway, he does try and be more open but when I suggest the slut thing he seems uncomfortable with the idea and makes it seem like it’s a weird thing to ask for (not in a mean way but definitely thinks it’s odd) or simply a product of me watching porn/negative past sexual experiences (which I agree that to an extent it may be) but if I want to reclaim it and it’s something that turns me on, is that wrong? I probably won’t ask him about it anymore but I can’t help feeling I’m not reaching new heights of sexual satisfaction just because he doesn’t want to call me a slut?? Thoughts?
25. February 2023
I completely understand what you mean, but if that’s his sexual boundary you have to respect it. maybe you can try other words like “dirty girl” or you could try a dirty praise kink. you could also ask the question instead and allow him to answer it. “Am i a slut?” “Can I be your slut?”. A lot of black men enjoy their asses being ate, don’t be fooled! Lol hopefully this helps!
oloni
Hey, so I was seeing a married man we had a full blown affair. we fell for eachother… Fast forward his wife found out about me. As they have children she forgave him and they are working it out. Problem is we’ve not stopped sleeping together or seeing eachother. The wife is none the wiser, long term I don’t want the man. The way he lies and the lengths his gone to hiding this from his wife. I know I could never trust him. His wife believes I’m out the picture but I’m very much here. He doesn’t want the wife & she knows this but she has said she won’t leave him because she doesn’t want me to have him, he wants access to his kids & she has said she will make it difficult for him if they aren’t together. My issue is this is very messy, the last time she found out about me, she told me I should have came to her as a woman. What do I do now?. Do I tell her about what’s going on? . The husband has had an emotional affair in the past with someone else prior to me which she knows about, & again she took him back. There’s days I feel bad for the wife, then other days I have no feeling, as she knows her husband and his lies. She trying to hold onto something which is a joke. Do I tell her? Stay doing what I’m doing with the husband? Or leave this mess of a circus?
20. February 2023
For the love of God. Leave that family alone and stay away.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I’m into a guy who’s quite a bit younger than me (he’s mid 20s & I’m early 30s). When we first started talking I thought he was around the same age as me & then he told me how old he actually was and the ethics has been playing on my mind. I’ve been losing sleep over it cos I can’t help my feelings but also we’re both not at the same stage of life so it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel intense connections with men often & he’s only one of 3 in my whole life I’ve felt that connection with. I don’t know, I’m just so confused & disheartened by it all. Do I just cut him off?
20. February 2023
I say give it a try if you have a connection. I think sometimes we place this heavy idea on having to be at the exact same place in life for a relationship to work. Give it a shot and see how you feel about it. Even if it doesn’t turn into a serious relationship don’t run away from something that makes you happy, especially if it’s healthy.
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