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Hey Oloni , I’ve come to conclusion that I’m cursed. I’ve never been in a long term relationship that’s only because I’m only ever a fantasy.. sounds crazy but I’ve been going through this for ever and I’m sick of it. I feel as if as if men lose on all composure when around me and honestly it’s no fault of my own I’ve tried to limit my personality, I’ve tried to dress in clothes I don’t even like so that I ‘don’t draw unwanted attention’ but it just doesn’t work and I feel like I’m losing myself because the men I have around can’t seem to help themselves. This isn’t me being big headed I promise you I never asked for any of it and it’s it’s breaking me. I’ve had friends boyfriends trying it on with me repeatedly, friends dads pinning me down and touching me inappropriately, male friends who I’ve been friends for years with helping them selves to my body when in Intoxicated. I can mention so much more occasions , I’m so sick of it I honestly want it all to stop. All the men in my life that I have felt have genuinely cared for me as a friend or just as an individual has forced themselves onto me in some way or another. I’ve tried everything Oloni what advise could you give me ? If I let anyone know about all this I’ll get told it’s my fault.
3. January 2018
You’re not cursed my dear, you’ve been put in some awful positions, but you’re not cursed.
I’m sorry that you’ve been around men who have abused your trust. It’s disappointing and these men should be reported. You should never feel like it’s your fault, and I hope you understand that. You shouldn’t even have to change the way you dress in order for you to demand respect.
What I would suggest is seeing a therapist and perhaps changing the people you’ve surrounded yourself with recently.
It’s the new year and YOU deserve a fresh start. It’s sad that these awful men have tried to take advantage of you, nobody should have to go through such a situation.
**Meet potential love interests by going out to different social gatherings, try dating apps, start a conversation first with someone you find attractive over social media via DM.
Just wanted to let you know that your ask oloni is the highlight of my life ok bye love you
3. January 2018
Hi Oloni, I asked my boyfriend to go to the clinic with me after seeing all your tweets. Now he’s saying I don’t trust him and I always think he’s cheating. I will admit I’m insecure at times but this was just for my own sanity. He now says he doesn’t want to have sex anymore. Things have gone so left in a week and I don’t know what to do. Any tips?
3. January 2018
I think you should probably go on your own, for now. Because it’s quite silly that people still don’t understand the importance of sexual health check ups.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, my bf makes me buy the condoms because I’m the one who said we should use them. I actually handle everything to do with our sex life being safe/ preventing pregnancy and I feel like he does nothing. He says if it’s what I want then I should handle it. We also had an argument over going to the clinic for a fever all check as he thinks I’m now accusing him of something. Sigh, I just don’t know how to engage him more in these things, any tips?
3. January 2018
Your boyfriend has a very uncaring attitude which I find disturbing and I’m not even dating him. Contraception should be both your responsibilities, not just yours alone. Someone who behaves like this is not someone you give your vagina to.
Also going to the clinic shouldn’t be a taboo, what’s his problem? Why are you with him?
Oloni
Hi Oloni. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months. I’m the first girl he’s properly dated he’s never been in a relationship before, just situationships. Anyways on New Years I really wanted to spend the night with him but he told me he’s going home to spend it with his boys. But I found out that he’s messaged this girl asking her what her plans was on that day. The next day he asked to hang out with her but she’s like she’s alone at hers and she knows that he’s in a relationship so it’s better to hang out with a group of people. I know all this because I went through his phone, I felt something was off when he came back. Is there anything I should be worried about? I don’t get why he’s asking another girl to hang out with him alone, or asking what she’s doing on New Years knowing I wanted to spend the night with him.
3. January 2018
I’ll be real with you, he probably slept with this girl and cheated, you know it and I know it. His intentions are very obvious and I think that due to your love goggles, you’re unable to see it, for what it clearly is, but that’s fine… that’s what I’m here for.
Tell him what you saw and confron him asap. Regardless of what he says, I thik you should dump him, the fact he was with another girl in such a setting and on that type of day, just shows he’s not prepared to be exclusive to you. He’s an asshole.
Oloni
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