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Hi Oloni, I gave birth to my son 18 months ago and haven’t had sex with my husband since. I’ve felt damaged since giving birth and sex scares me. My husband was really caring and supportive, he didn’t even ask to have sex with me until about 6/7 months after my birth cause he knew I felt uncomfortable. Couple months ago he began making a lot of advances and I always rejected him. The lack of sex has been causing a lot of arguments between us. Recently I needed to lose his laptop cause our baby threw up on mine and he’s been on forums asking advice about divorce because of the lack of sex. I’m absolutely terrified he’ll leave me, he’s a fantastic man and father but I just don’t feel ready but I don’t want to divorce over this. One of my friends said I should give him a pass but that sounds crazy to me. What do I do?
17. June 2018
Hey love! First off congratulations on your new bundle of joy. It’s very common for women who have just given birth to have a low libido. Your body has experienced something new. I’ve had women talk to me about being off of sex before, but the best advice I can give you is to talk to your husband immediately and tell him what you found.
It’s important you talk about it, because from what you’ve described it doesn’t seem as if you have. Suggest going to therapy together so you can get some professional help. I really do hope if works out.
good luck!
Oloni
Hey Oloni, so I had my second date with this guy I genuinely really like. We both cooked and just chilled at his and eventually had sex. This was really out of character for me… he hasn’t texted me in a few days and I don’t want to get paranoid. We both agreed to take it slow and we can do what we want, I’ve expressed I’m into him. I’m telling myself he’s probably busy, but idk… I’m always texting first. What do I do?
11. June 2018
Heya hun, it sounds like he’s dipped. It’s frustrating but common thing. I think you should move on from this guy, especially if it’s you initiating all the conversations. Nothing screams “not that into you” than that.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, my ex has recently got into a new relationship and it has made me really uncomfortable about our friendship. We’d decided to stay friends after breaking up, although we’d been sleeping with each other on and off since doing so – for about 6 months. Im happy that she’s found someone new but I feel like our friendship is holding me back from moving on and getting over her. Basically I feel like being friends with my ex is really unhealthy for me but I’m not sure how to approach the situation?
11. June 2018
Heya hun, it’s time to get some space from your ex. It sounds like you’re not completely over her, which is normal, especially if you were still sexually intimate for a while. However, now it’s time to think about what’s best for yourself and to me that sounds like distance, till you’re emotionally ready to be friends again.
Oloni
Hi Oloni! Im a 21 female and lost my virginity a week ago. we were protected he got tested before we did it and he’s clean. but how come its been a week since it happened and my vagina is starting to itch? is it because its irritaded due to my first time? kinda confused. Thanks!!
8. June 2018
Hey love, there could be a number of reasons why you might be feeling itchy. My advice would be to book an appointment with a sexual health nurse immediately.
Oloni
Hi Oloni. I’m engaged & haven’t had sex with my partner as we are waiting until marriage. It’s been nearly 3 years since we got together so it’s been hard to wait but I know it’s helped us as our emotional, mental and spiritual connection is amazing. However, he is a virgin whilst I’ve had sex with 2 previous partners. We are getting married soon and I know he is nervous as he thinks he won’t know what he’s doing. I’ve explained we have the rest of our lives to figure out how we like to do things in the bedroom, but do you have any first time tips that you think could help him feel comfortable. I love him so much so I just want to make sure our sex life starts as good as possible.
8. June 2018
Congratulations!! I think it’s beautiful you’ve both decided to wait. It also shows other people reading this, that they too can be celibate or abstain till they’re ready.
As you mentioned you have the whole of your lives to understand what the other enjoys sexually, so my advice is to be patient with yourselves. If it doesn’t feel like fireworks the first time do not worry, being fairly new to sex will not make you an expert. You might have a few hiccups, you might also have so much chemistry that you hit it off well the first time.
See it as a sexual journey for both of you. Enjoy foreplay before becoming intimate. I can’t emphasise enough how important it is. Without foreplay, there is no real sex. Invest time into learning about each others bodies, so you can both understand what turns you on.
Try getting a small vibrator for clitoral pleasure, water based lubricant and condoms.
Enjoy!
Oloni
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