Hey,

From what you have said it sounds like you’ve checked out of this relationship but you’re keeping up appearances. 8 years is a long time yes and you do have kids together but that is not reason to tolerate something you feel you can’t look past. I say you have some alone time, away from the mess, sit down and put everyone else’s feelings to the side and think about what you want, put it down on paper (I don’t know what it is about writing things down but it really works, you see everything for what it is, more clarity). You have a child together and understandably you’ll do your best to consider what is best for your child, but consider the fact that children pick up on their environment which means it’s very important to not deceive yourself into thinking that you’re making the best decision for the child when in reality it may not be. Your happiness is key and your happiness is also key to your child’s happiness. Also healthy co-parenting is possible. A healthy love life post your boyfriend of 8 years is also possible. So weigh out your options then go to your boyfriend with your decision (seen as you have a child together) and go from there, do not force yourself to feel anything you don’t feel or do anything you don’t want to do, you’ll just end up resenting him. Lastly do not internalise what has been done to you. This is everything to do with him and it is not a reflection of you in any way.

-Ebi. A

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For a long while I used to be of the train of thought that there’s no need to contact the other girl and whilst the other girl doesn’t owe you anything, sometimes it can be progressive, especially if you for one reason or another have been given reason not to trust your partner (although that is often a sign that you need to exit stage left). Contact her and ask her straight, be respectful and make sure you don’t project your insecurities or anger on her. No matter the result of the conversation let your partner know after the conversation that you contacted her and give your reasons and if it turns out that it’s not as big of a deal as you thought, work on building trust with your partner.

-Ebi A

Haha I think it differs depending on the person. It could also differ depending on what the person means to you or what you mean to the person. So in short some people don’t see any difference,  some do and context matters. All I know is if you want to find something out ask the person. If it’s an issue of whether something is appropriate or not, that’s down to what you have agreed with your partner. But don’t overthink, just ask/set boundaries/explain how you feel.

-Ebi. A