Heyy girl,

I get your frustration but look I personally feel like what you need to do is write down a list of things that you like about him and things you don’t like about him. Then ask yourself genuinely do these pro’s outweigh the con’s? Can you genuinely look past his horrible kissing skills? with the assumption that at some point you will sit down with him and teach him how best to kiss you? So if he has everything you desire in a partner and he is proving that he’s serious but his only shortcoming is the fact that he can’t kiss, do you think that is worth ending it? Sometimes our frustrations can be rooted in the fact that we feel as though we can’t communicate certain things before a certain point in the getting to know you stage so we feel like we’re firming it instead of finding a solution. So maybe it may take you to give him some sort of direction earlier on, especially if you see potential and especially if he has been forward enough to tell you how he feels, mirror him. So say it in a way in which you emphasise his really good points but you want him to improve on that part. So say I really think I like you etc…but let’s BOTH work on this, that way it doesn’t come across as an attack and if he knows what is best for him, he will take notes. When all is said and done just make sure you don’t drag this on longer than necessary, think of how you’d like to be treated in such a situation and make sure you go with that. If you know for sure (don’t deceive yourself) that you can’t look past this, let him go and be friends.

-Ebi

Hey lovely,

You’re right you’re too young to be this stressed. I’m 23 and single and just like you I’ve been to uni and left single, so I guess you need my help not to be like me lmao I joke. Everyone has this idea that university is the place you NEED to find the one you’re ready to settle down with and that’s often not the case for a lot of people and even for those who do end up in relationships at university, I’ve found in my experience that a lot of those aren’t as they seem, (and some are so evidently crap lmao) only a few of the relationships in my uni I can actually look back and say were relationships to admire in a sense. It’s all about not settling, know what you want and identify whether those things are reasonable wants and if you come to the conclusion they are then don’t settle.

Also seek advice from good friends, a good friend is always great at knowing you and identifying the things you need to change whilst at the same time making sure you stay true to yourself, so don’t be afraid to ask them. So for example, given your description of yourself, a good friend won’t tell you to sleep with every good looking guy that comes your way to give you a confidence boost, but will probably be like let’s address your insecurities and give you the motivation you need to be confident in who you are right now.

Now your virginity should never be seen as a bad thing and I assure you that there are plenty girls just like you at university (maybe you need to find more people like you so you’re aware that you’re not weird), not everyone is as forthcoming and I know it seems like you’re the only one especially at university where the “hook-up” culture is so rife…different things for different people yes, but what I’m trying to say is that that shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself.  As for the guys going  for “experienced girls with big hips and bum and boobs” listen girl, with that description I probably wouldn’t get any play either haha, but I want you to know that confidence is a huge factor in this dating game, you need to find a way of building that up, whether that means going out more, working out in the gym, working on your spirituality, having encouraging friends, getting your hair and nails done, shopping more haha, anything, making cool guy friends who remind you of how dope you are so you don’t think it’s just a girl thing, you need to focus on the things you know for sure will help build you up because without that, the dating game will definitely be hard for you, especially at university. Confidence is the thing that can make a guy go for what he usually wouldn’t go for, the kind of guy who tweets “i don’t like girls who wear weave” and 5 months later is in a relationship with a girl who wears weave haha. Also even if that may not be the case with the guys you’re coming across, just as those guys have preferences, there will be guys whose preferences reflect everything you are about, so be patient.

Also this is not to say that you can’t be shy, but you need to be more open to both acceptance and rejection because you can miss out on a lot by being afraid in general or being afraid of rejection/putting yourself out there and if you happen to leave university without anyone, don’t feel crap about it, post-uni bae life tends to be much more mature…you don’t have to weed out as many silly boys and you’ll be coming out with a wealth of knowledge about what you will and will not accept if you learn the necessary lessons along the way at uni. But in short please don’t settle, when you settle you get yourself into a lot of crap situations, situationships are one of them and they happen a lot at university so be careful…take your time…it’s all a journey.

-Ebi

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Hey lovely,

This is common, it happens to a lot of girls. You just need to ride the wave, maybe asking some of these guys what went wrong (if you’re friends) also switching up the type of guys you go for if you have a type. Or asking guys about their intentions way earlier than you usually do so you don’t feel as though you’ve invested much and you don’t feel as though you’ve wasted time and energy. Other than that just got to believe in your slay, eventually the right person for you will come your way.

Ebi