Hey lovely,

Well first of all you need to come to peace with the fact that if addressing things you feel are important to you “ruins” things then he isn’t the one for you. That’s just the truth because in essence what that means is that to continue with what you have, you have to accept that your feelings and issues do not matter and why would you do that for this one man?  I think you need to make it explicitly clear that to continue with this relationship he cannot continue to dismiss your feelings. If he takes offence, you have your answer. You say he cares, but I feel like a huge part of caring is enabling your partner to feel free enough to say exactly how they feel at any given point, especially on important issues. Like your partner shouldn’t feel as though addressing an issue like this could “ruin things”, that sucks. So don’t see this issue as separate to “care” to spare your feelings, it does reflect the extent to which he cares, that doesn’t mean it can’t be solved but you can’t sugarcoat that.  So write down everything you want to say, like you did here and address every single point and do not water down any of your feelings.

-Ebi

Hey lovely,

The plain truth is that he is comfortable and you’re not. You want a relationship and he doesn’t. So what you need to do is withdraw, as painful as it may feel you need to exit so that he is now faced with the fact that he either has to commit or deal with the fact that you won’t be there anymore.  He has no incentive to move to the next stage because he has everything he wants and needs, emotionally and physically without having to make that commitment.  Even if it’s hard, sometimes you have to fake it to make it. However, I do feel you need to address the issues that you may have because although it does happen,  the fact that you can spend six years compromising your own true happiness and settling for less than you want is revealing of deeper issues that you should work on. The fact is he can continue not committing to you for 10 years and one day get into a relationship with someone else and eventually marry her, you need to be very aware of that possibility and stop thinking he could never do that to you. You need to work on discovering how great you are and what you deserve, as cliche as that sounds sometimes we can lose sight of that and our actions make that clear. You need to believe that there are men out there who will value you in the way you want to be valued, but you can block all of that by obsessing over someone who continually shows you that you’re not enough.

-Ebi

Hey,

Listen Valentines Day is whatever you want it to be!!! Do what you like, if you’re spending the day with each other, why not? Don’t hold back because of all of these silly rules. Enjoy your day and I’m sure whatever you do will be appreciated.

-Ebi

Hey,

Depends on who knew who first personally. Unless he did some madness to you, these things are bound to happen. It’s only insensitive if he’s technically your friend more and she’s your friend whom he met through you.  If so, given your feelings (rational or not) and the fact that she is aware of those feelings, she is wrong, girl code and that, but sometimes people may not necessarily know they’re annoying you. Just talk to her and say you didn’t really feel comfortable with that, that you’re not questioning her intentions but you don’t think it’s appropriate, if necessary draw comparisons so she can put herself in your shoes. But for the future, you need to work on those feelings. Facts are you’re not in a relationship and you’re friends, sooner or later he will move on if he hasn’t already (assuming your situation isn’t a “complicated friendship/romance” so a situationship) . Hope this helps.

-Ebi

Eeek this is a very messy one. If you were single I’d honestly reply saying, just tick it off your bucket list girl and move on. But the most important thing here is your boyfriend, you’ve cheated and he needs to know, it’s important that he knows. The fact that there might be a video just adds to why it has to come from you first. If those four years have truly meant anything to you, you will not hide this incident. I know the video is heavy on your heart, as no one wants a video of themselves floating around without consent, so my advice here is to find out where this rumour came from if you can and report what you know to the police.

Oloni