Hey,

He is being very insensitive and you’re right that was very selfish of him to say given the nature of your relationship. I would say best way to move on will be to go cold turkey, completely block him on all social media platforms, block all forms of contact and throw yourself into making yourself a better you. So that can be everything from working on your talents & passions, spirituality to simple things like joining a gym, eating healthily, shopping loads, changing up your hair or style (not to stunt just to feel better, stunting isn’t as healthy because if he’s unbothered you’ll be hurt), doing things you were previously too afraid to do…(these sound silly but trust me it works). You also need to inform your good friends about the situation and don’t isolate yourself, phone calls help if you don’t feel to go out often but eventually you need to experience new things, meet new people, just make sure you are upgrading your life in every way and cutting out all of the things/people that bring you down. Avoid all forms of negativity and any platforms that may be triggering to you. You need to know that you can love someone but also do what is best for you and he seems to be doing exactly that, so why shouldn’t you? He’s being selfish (and insensitive which is rude), but this just goes to show that you should be equally as selfish, if not more…pick your happiness over his and sometimes that means totally cutting someone off. Sometimes breaking up over things like distance can feel like such a drag because technically it’s not a violation, like cheating or abuse or whatever so you’re bound to have so many  “what if’s”, those are perfectly valid and rational emotions to have…so you need to go through it and try not to rush things but don’t stay in it, if you flop and message him one time, it happens, but just never lose sight of the fact that he is putting himself first so you should do the same. Let that forever be at the back of your mind. Also don’t search for him in someone else. Biggest mistake and it’s unfair, let yourself heal. Hope this helps.

-Ebi

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Hey lovely,

There is a double standard in your relationship. You need to sit down with him and basically communicate the fact that there’s an obvious double standard in this relationship and that you BOTH need to work together and set boundaries regarding social media and stick to it for the sake of your relationship and since he has messed up before, you need to make it clear that you expect him to make amends and that needs to be evident in the way he approaches the issues you have with his interactions on social media, compromise in situations like this shows you care, especially when you’ve knocked someones trust through your own bad decisions. Now in terms of you deciding to stay, I always say, you need to know yourself. You need to protect your peace at all times and if there are certain things he is not willing to do which will help you build your trust for him, then you either need to decide to let go of his past offence and trust him without his help or ask yourself whether this is the relationship for you, that doesn’t necessarily mean he is guilty but it does mean that his actions will forever be triggering and a reminder of what he did, besides your inability to look past it will mean he is as good as guilty.  Let’s face it, if it didn’t bother you that much, you wouldn’t be writing in. Don’t deceive yourself into thinking you’re alright with something that you’re not. Hope this helps love!! Best of luck!!

-Ebi

Hey,

You can grow to love them, but that would mean you begin to like them more and more as you go on, or like more things about them. But should you? No. The other thing that can happen is you force it and end up hurting her later on down the line when you realise you can’t do this anymore or you feel guilt-tripped into a relationship and start hating her because you feel stuck and can’t leave. Personally, I’d feel insulted if I found out the guy I loved was forcing his love/like for me. I genuinely think what you guys can do is work on a friendship (assuming you care enough to do so) and see where that goes, see whether you begin to like things about her, but as for a relationship nope, no matter how much she begs, she shouldn’t be settling for less either.

-Ebi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCYMyJ6IctQ

Hey,

Ask him, if he says he doesn’t, leave him. If he says he does, believe him. If he acts like he doesn’t but says he does, tell him you need him to put more effort into making you feel confident. Apart from that, you need to believe in yourself regardless.

-Ebi

Hey lovely,

Well first of all you need to come to peace with the fact that if addressing things you feel are important to you “ruins” things then he isn’t the one for you. That’s just the truth because in essence what that means is that to continue with what you have, you have to accept that your feelings and issues do not matter and why would you do that for this one man?  I think you need to make it explicitly clear that to continue with this relationship he cannot continue to dismiss your feelings. If he takes offence, you have your answer. You say he cares, but I feel like a huge part of caring is enabling your partner to feel free enough to say exactly how they feel at any given point, especially on important issues. Like your partner shouldn’t feel as though addressing an issue like this could “ruin things”, that sucks. So don’t see this issue as separate to “care” to spare your feelings, it does reflect the extent to which he cares, that doesn’t mean it can’t be solved but you can’t sugarcoat that.  So write down everything you want to say, like you did here and address every single point and do not water down any of your feelings.

-Ebi