Hey lovely,

What you need to do is go through the motions, don’t rush your healing just go through the motions. Block him on everything, you really don’t need to be seeing how “great” his life may be without you. You need to remember that you’re the shit, work on making yourself be better, work on the things you previously didn’t like about yourself. Some people go to the gym more, some people shop a lot and buy all the things they’ve always wanted, some people work on their spirituality, some people surround themselves with their friends, some people go out more and make new friends. There isn’t just one way to get over him and it is trial and error, so take it easy on yourself and if you feel one way isn’t working for you, find another way that feels more comfortable. Lastly, chasing your passions is one of the surest ways of getting over a guy. What happens is that you feel like you begin to accomplish more things without him than you did with him, so you have no incentive to look back fondly, because who you were then is no longer who you are now, you would have gained so much more and rekindling things (if that ever becomes an option, although right now it isn’t) may seem like going backwards, especially if he’s not the kind to grow with you. Also I find turning your unforgiveness into pity helps. Unforgiveness is to say you expected more, meaning he fell short of the level you expected him to be on, pity is to tap him on his yam head condescendingly and say “poor you, you didn’t know any better because you’re a bit of an idiot” that feels better doesn’t it haha and it automatically puts them below you (sounds mean but who cares, you gotta do what you gotta do and it’s better than hatred)….eventually you’ll get to a point where your pity eases in genuine forgiveness, but I find it’s easier done that way than through bitterness and anger. Hope this helps.

-Ebi

VALENTINE’S SALE FOR RELATIONSHIP COACHING – ENDS SOON

Hey,

We answer both recent and old questions, there are so manyyyyy questions still to be answered. So what I’ll advise is if you genuinely need something answered urgently, book yourself in for a call with Oloni and she’ll give you her undivided attention for an allocated time. Hope this helps, details are on her site https://simplyoloni.com/product/private-scheduled-call-session/

-Ebi

Hey lovely,

It could mean many things all you can do is ask him? It can be a bad thing (you could be doing the most in his opinion/your personality could be too big for him to handle) or it could be reflective of his own insecurities, he may feel like you’re too good for him. But the thing here is you won’t be helping yourself if you assume it means either or. The fact that he said that it’s obvious that he is not so afraid to speak, so instead of obsessing over the endless possibilities ask him exactly what he means? Then let me know what he says and I’ll be able to break that down a bit more easily. Hope this helps.

-Ebi

Hey lovely,

This happens a lot but hear this, this is the life you have chosen to live and you should never be embarrassed of that fact. This is something that is important to you and when you come across the right guy eventually it will all be worth it to you. You’re doing the right thing for you and your walk so every single time you begin to feel down about that make sure you catch yourself and remember exactly why this is important to you. It might be in your best interest to write down the scriptures that motivate you the most to continue doing right by God and keep them in an easily accessible  place so that when you feel that way you can easily uplift yourself. Surround yourself with people who did or are currently doing what you’re trying to do that you can relate with and who don’t sugarcoat the reality of it, it’s important to have a community of similar people to uplift you and to also make you feel like your experiences are actually common, sometimes it’s very possible to feel like you’re the weird one or the odd one out when you don’t surround yourself with people like you, not saying drop your other friends, I’m saying you go to different friends for different things, so you need this in your life as much as the friends you’ll go to for other stuff and at the very least you need to surround yourself with people who understand where you’re at. So if you’re currently at a Church that doesn’t cater to/feed this area of your life which is in urgent need of watering and guidance, I think it’s important that you find one and maybe even attend cell groups at that Church where they discuss real issues with no judgement and no holier than thou prudish behaviour with people your age (may take you some time to find it but when you have, you’ll know I promise :).) Lastly, to answer your question, there are definitely guys who are willing to wait and are currently waiting, maybe make more guy friends like this, so you know they exist and they can encourage you to never lose sight of that fact. The thing with what you’re doing is that with certain wants you have to expect certain problems along the way, especially when not many people are religious, it may take you longer than the girl who is okay with sex before marriage and you need to be at peace with that fact as far as this is something you’re unwilling to compromise on. Also you need to understand that a lot of guys have come across girls that are not about what they say they’re about which is why they’ll still pursue even if you’ve made your intentions clear, it happens a lot to virgins which is why you may find yourself in this situation a lot, nothing personal…take it on the chin and do what you’ve been doing which is sticking to what you said you will do.

-Ebi

Valentine’s Day vs. Validation

I wouldn’t say that I am the typically romantic type. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love romance, and I completely swoon when I am shown loving affection from a man who has access to my heart. What I meant by this is, I am not generally impressed by the usual theatrics one could expect when a particular calendar date pops up …read more HERE

Hey,

No they are randomly chosen. There’s a disclaimer at the very top of this page which shows that dilemmas posted may be put on social media.

-Ebi

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