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My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married lately, we are planning to keep our wedding small as we both don’t want to spend a lot of money on the wedding and instead are putting spare money towards our house. One of the things that came up was choosing bridesmaid’s and best men. He mentioned his best mate being his best man – but I am not a fan of this for a few reasons. His best man has been extremely unsupportive of me because firstly, I’m not from the same country as them and second his sister used to date my current boyfriend. Whenever we are in person he intentionally mentions his sister and how well she is doing and how that could have been in. My boyfriend is super supportive and has always reassured me that he doesn’t want to be with his best mates sister but I feel uncomfortable being around his best friend. His bestfriend is forever asking him questions like “if you could have slept with someone from back in the day who would it have been”.. he’s 30.. I would much rather his brother be the best man at our wedding as he doesn’t have the same issues as his boy. His brother doesn’t care that I am not from the same country. Anyway, I know that marriage is a compromise so if my partner wants his boy to be the best man I will accept but I’m wondering whether I’m entitled to raise it as an issue – the things that his mate has done. I wouldn’t go to the extent of saying he can’t be best man but I can go to the extent of explaining that the things his boy does aren’t right? Right?
7. July 2020
I think you’re being completely rational to be honest. His best friend is an idiot and needs to get over his sister no longer being in the picture. He’s full of absolute bad vibes. Express to him what you’ve expressed to me today. At the end of the day a wedding is meant to be full of love and who wants someone who’s making mad remarks like that, involved in the wedding and to have such an important role. Ask how he’d feel if the tables were turned?
I hope he sees the light and gets rid. I also hope everything works out.
Good luck
Oloni
x
Hi, Oloni, I’m out dating finally since having my daughter 10 years ago but the guy I’m “dating” is always MIA and the convos are DRY however when we link up there’s bare chemistry!! What am I or he doing wrong? Because the man won’t even call me and will only send a dry “hey how are you”
7. July 2020
You let him know that you’d like more effort and if things don’t change, move on sis!
Oloni
Hey Oloni, this may be a dumb question but anyway. I’m 23, and my body count is 5. I had a really traumatic breakup two years ago and I had a few flings and ONS which I regret. I’m much more settled now and would love to get into a relationship but I’m scared of my ‘count’ going up? I was dating this great guy for a few months but couldn’t sleep with him because I was scared he’d up and leave, even though he probably wouldn’t have. Anyway what I’m asking is whether my count is too high for my age, and whether I should wait to get into a relationship to have sex or not because sometimes a girl has needs, you’re amazing btw x
7. July 2020
You have sex when you’re ready and when you’re comfortable. Do not let the idea of “body count” stop you from living your life, or staying in situations that don’t make you happy. Bodycount is a sexist narrative carried out by insecure men who see women as property.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I fell into a situationship a few months ago with this guy in my friendship group. We’ve been sleeping together and he’s pretty keen for it to go further, but I’ve realised that every time we have sex I just cringe out at the things he does and I’m just not sexually attracted to him, the sex does nothing for me. How do I tell him I don’t want to keep sleeping together without hurting his feelings/ruining the friendship?
7. July 2020
Simply have a word with him and say you think you’re better off as friends.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, so my boyfriend’s (he’s 23) mum is a bit overprotective and won’t let him do shit so he always has to be secretive when we try and see each other but he’s stopped trying to meet after his mum caught him out. It’s been a month now and it’s driving me mad because I want to say something about him standing up and being a man but I feel like he’ll be defensive about it. Any advice?
7. July 2020
He’s 23? Break up with him till he’s ready to man up please.
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