Hey lovely,

It all really depends on the type of person you are and the kind of things you like doing. I’ve made friends in various ways, university, social media, events, church. There are literally so many different options. My main piece of advice would be to be yourself, understand that who you are matters and you don’t need to water down the great aspects of who you are to attract people. Be selective (you’re not always going to be right when it comes to friends) but by being careful and ensuring you get to know people first you will lessen the likelihood of mad people coming into your life. Do what you love, more often than not when you do what you love you also attract or surround yourself with people who also do what you love….this is great way to make friends with people who have similar interests. If you’re at university, join a society of your interest or club…then mingle, go to some socials (or if you’re not the going out type) invite people you’ve met/quite like to do something one time. Social media is great (Facebook is a bit creepy) but twitter is a dope platform in the sense that you get some sort of sense of what that person is like before embarking on a friendship. Start exchanging numbers more. If there’s anyone you’ve followed for ages and you always interact and have fun, meet up with them. Lastly, don’t rush, great friends will come around, you just have to put yourself out there and lastly you don’t need to wait for new friends to lock off old ones. If you’ve communicated how you feel to your friends and they have zero regard for your feelings/dismiss them. Distance and keep it moving.

Hope me this helped.

Ebi A

Hey lovely,

Feel free to ask your questions here. It’s completely anonymous and if you state you don’t want it to be question of the day it won’t be.

Ebi A

Hey lovely,

I didn’t get everything you said but I’m going to go with what I could gather and based on that I think you should do the following. Communicate, being anxious to communicate isn’t a good sign especially as you have not found any other solution to your problem. You need to have a talk, both of you need to discuss what you both like and dislike and spot places wherein you disagree and work on finding solutions and ensuring actions follow suit. If something he does doesn’t make you feel comfortable enough to communicate your feelings then let him know that no matter how uncomfortable itis. You also need to let him know that it’s either he explains his behaviour in one way or another or you’ll have to respectfully withdraw and explaining his behaviour doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it if doing so consistently drains you. Withdrawing doesn’t necessarily mean end the relationship but it means you make your feelings, your emotions a priority and generally focus on yourself, it could however lead to the end of your relationship or it could catalyse positive change, whichever way it goes is down to the both of you. All in all prioritise your happiness, understand the difference between small imperfections here and there and deeply ingrained character flaws, the latter is usually habitual and damaging to both parties involved, the former can be tolerated, overlooked and harmless, based on what you have said I cannot tell you which is which in this situation but hopefully this helps you decide if it does come to a point of choosing whether to leave or stay.

-Ebi A

Hey girl,

TELL BOTH THESE BOYS BYEEEEEE. No, I’m sorry but they don’t get to have you at your best. They had you and lost you, it’s as simple as that, especially with regards to that no good rhino that treated you horribly whilst pregnant, baby girl listen to me carefully, he deserves NO PLACE IN YOUR LIFE. Nostalgia often makes you romanticise things that you have no business romanticising. Facts are he disrespected you and abandoned you when you needed him the most as a result you made a hard and painful decision that still affects you to this present day, you did that all by yourself, without him, do you know what that means?? I’m not saying stay in a space of unforgiveness, forgiveness does not equal free entry back into your life and what more evidence do you need to show you that you don’t need that in your life, reformed or not, out of all the eligible bachelors you can bring home to Mum, a reformed serial wasteman doesn’t have to be one. It took all these years for him to realise he messed up? If you were my sister I’d grab you and shake you, then we’d both listen to Lemonade for a week straight and I ain’t even a stan like that. High-school sweetheart my backfoot, eliminate that dream. Don’t even claim him, I know you’re probably thinking this might be some fairytale ending to a disaster of a relationship but lovely you can have that fairytale ending with someone else, give yourself a break, you just got back home at least let the line of eligible bachelors go around the corner before you start accepting offers loooool.

Ebi A

Hey lovely,

Yeh, it’s time to leave and suggest he seeks help. He is clearly either down or depressed (having said that depression does not equal abusive) either way whatever he is going through does not mean you become his punching bag. You are 18 do not do this to yourself, do not allow your formative years to be tainted, these years shape you and I do not want your happiness or perspective on life to be robbed so early on before you’ve even had a chance to experience life for all it has to offer. I do not want bitterness and hatred towards men to consume you, inevitably shaping your love life as you go along and causing you even more pain. Do not dare for one second normalise physical or emotional abuse, do not explain it away, set your standards and abide by them. A man who can spit on you is not worthy of your presence let alone help. Move on from this and prosper. How do you do that? Get everything off your chest, lock him off, stay busy and surround yourself with people who encourage you in the ways you need to be encouraged and finally do things that make you happy, and no this relationship is not one of them. Hope this helps. Ps. Do not take this as me blaming you for anything he is doing to you or the way he’s treating you, the fact that you’re able to write in and question what your next step should be tells me that you’re not too lost in this situation…all advice given is because I have faith that you can do it and you can take control of your life by taking the necessary steps to move forward without him. If that’s not the case write in again and we’ll approach it differently.

Ebi A