Friends with benefits for 5 years and now you want a relationship? Hun this has been more than a FWB on your end if you were emotionally invested and since he doesn’t want the same, girl you have to take a bow and leave. There is no other answer. Try the no contact rule.

Oloni

Hey girl,

it’s anonymous. What you’re both doing is definitely  crap. You don’t respect their relationship, he doesn’t respect his relationship and he definitely doesn’t respect you, casual or not. I would suggest locking the friendship off entirely or having boundaries. There are literally so many options in this world, it doesn’t have to be someone else’s man and you definitely don’t have to be anyone’s fallback. Address what it is that is causing you to do what you’re doing. Boredom? Find a way of being occupied. Convenience? Distanceeeee or replace. Loneliness? Surround yourself with great friends and do fun things and or focus on your passions (obviously it could be any one of these or none of these…just giving you options)

Ebi A

READ: Q&A: Maya Jama x Simply Oloni

Hey,

Your guy is taking you for a Holiday Inn. He’s saving his own money at your expense. From what you’ve said it appears that he is emotionally manipulative and he is using you financially. You my girl need not be so afraid of him walking out on you. He’s a financial burden, so you’ll gain more financially with him out of your house anyway. You have a child yes, but that does not mean he gets a free pass to walk all over you. So you need to stand firm, put your foot down and not bend over backwards just because he guilt trips. That is unacceptable manipulation. Don’t let him play you. Work out how much you want him to contribute and make it clear it’s either he pays up or he’s out of the house.

Ebi A

Hey,

I don’t think this is a matter of what you deserve. I just think you’re too young for him and what he comes with. I also think the idea that you must automatically be attached to someone who took your virginity is meh. It happens but it doesn’t have to happen. He didn’t take any of your worth, your value, your amazingness, all you did with was have sex…that’s literally it…don’t scare yourself into thinking its something you can’t move past. Girls move past the guy who took the virginity daily. I understand it may not appear to be so simple but girl all I’m doing is reiterating the facts, you’re 19, life doesn’t stop at the guy who you slept with first nor does he define you or your emotional life. Don’t limit yourself and don’t overthink your ability to leave. Just do it and go from there. (Blocking helps)

Ebi A

Hey lovely,

It all really depends on the type of person you are and the kind of things you like doing. I’ve made friends in various ways, university, social media, events, church. There are literally so many different options. My main piece of advice would be to be yourself, understand that who you are matters and you don’t need to water down the great aspects of who you are to attract people. Be selective (you’re not always going to be right when it comes to friends) but by being careful and ensuring you get to know people first you will lessen the likelihood of mad people coming into your life. Do what you love, more often than not when you do what you love you also attract or surround yourself with people who also do what you love….this is great way to make friends with people who have similar interests. If you’re at university, join a society of your interest or club…then mingle, go to some socials (or if you’re not the going out type) invite people you’ve met/quite like to do something one time. Social media is great (Facebook is a bit creepy) but twitter is a dope platform in the sense that you get some sort of sense of what that person is like before embarking on a friendship. Start exchanging numbers more. If there’s anyone you’ve followed for ages and you always interact and have fun, meet up with them. Lastly, don’t rush, great friends will come around, you just have to put yourself out there and lastly you don’t need to wait for new friends to lock off old ones. If you’ve communicated how you feel to your friends and they have zero regard for your feelings/dismiss them. Distance and keep it moving.

Hope me this helped.

Ebi A