Hey,

Your guy is taking you for a Holiday Inn. He’s saving his own money at your expense. From what you’ve said it appears that he is emotionally manipulative and he is using you financially. You my girl need not be so afraid of him walking out on you. He’s a financial burden, so you’ll gain more financially with him out of your house anyway. You have a child yes, but that does not mean he gets a free pass to walk all over you. So you need to stand firm, put your foot down and not bend over backwards just because he guilt trips. That is unacceptable manipulation. Don’t let him play you. Work out how much you want him to contribute and make it clear it’s either he pays up or he’s out of the house.

Ebi A

Hey,

I don’t think this is a matter of what you deserve. I just think you’re too young for him and what he comes with. I also think the idea that you must automatically be attached to someone who took your virginity is meh. It happens but it doesn’t have to happen. He didn’t take any of your worth, your value, your amazingness, all you did with was have sex…that’s literally it…don’t scare yourself into thinking its something you can’t move past. Girls move past the guy who took the virginity daily. I understand it may not appear to be so simple but girl all I’m doing is reiterating the facts, you’re 19, life doesn’t stop at the guy who you slept with first nor does he define you or your emotional life. Don’t limit yourself and don’t overthink your ability to leave. Just do it and go from there. (Blocking helps)

Ebi A

Hey lovely,

It all really depends on the type of person you are and the kind of things you like doing. I’ve made friends in various ways, university, social media, events, church. There are literally so many different options. My main piece of advice would be to be yourself, understand that who you are matters and you don’t need to water down the great aspects of who you are to attract people. Be selective (you’re not always going to be right when it comes to friends) but by being careful and ensuring you get to know people first you will lessen the likelihood of mad people coming into your life. Do what you love, more often than not when you do what you love you also attract or surround yourself with people who also do what you love….this is great way to make friends with people who have similar interests. If you’re at university, join a society of your interest or club…then mingle, go to some socials (or if you’re not the going out type) invite people you’ve met/quite like to do something one time. Social media is great (Facebook is a bit creepy) but twitter is a dope platform in the sense that you get some sort of sense of what that person is like before embarking on a friendship. Start exchanging numbers more. If there’s anyone you’ve followed for ages and you always interact and have fun, meet up with them. Lastly, don’t rush, great friends will come around, you just have to put yourself out there and lastly you don’t need to wait for new friends to lock off old ones. If you’ve communicated how you feel to your friends and they have zero regard for your feelings/dismiss them. Distance and keep it moving.

Hope me this helped.

Ebi A

Hey lovely,

Feel free to ask your questions here. It’s completely anonymous and if you state you don’t want it to be question of the day it won’t be.

Ebi A

Hey lovely,

I didn’t get everything you said but I’m going to go with what I could gather and based on that I think you should do the following. Communicate, being anxious to communicate isn’t a good sign especially as you have not found any other solution to your problem. You need to have a talk, both of you need to discuss what you both like and dislike and spot places wherein you disagree and work on finding solutions and ensuring actions follow suit. If something he does doesn’t make you feel comfortable enough to communicate your feelings then let him know that no matter how uncomfortable itis. You also need to let him know that it’s either he explains his behaviour in one way or another or you’ll have to respectfully withdraw and explaining his behaviour doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it if doing so consistently drains you. Withdrawing doesn’t necessarily mean end the relationship but it means you make your feelings, your emotions a priority and generally focus on yourself, it could however lead to the end of your relationship or it could catalyse positive change, whichever way it goes is down to the both of you. All in all prioritise your happiness, understand the difference between small imperfections here and there and deeply ingrained character flaws, the latter is usually habitual and damaging to both parties involved, the former can be tolerated, overlooked and harmless, based on what you have said I cannot tell you which is which in this situation but hopefully this helps you decide if it does come to a point of choosing whether to leave or stay.

-Ebi A