Hey,

I’m not sure what you’re trying to say by comparing it to a crack-house, like dirtiness or actually drugs. Either way, what I do know is that the best way to go about that is to be honest but to also help. If you’re going to stay with him, ensure that your criticism is followed by a helpful solution. If you want to leave then respectfully leave. However, I do think before you do so ask him why it’s like that, sometimes people may be going through things and maybe his family situation in general might be toxic…based on his answer and you expressing your opinion you can see whether he is willing to change for him (not you) his own well-being and health, surely that cannot be healthy, if that doesn’t happen then leave it (this is all assuming you’re not talking about drugs btw).

Ebi

Hey,

It’s either over or he wants a break. Either way your best bet is to ask him to elaborate and to be 100% honest with you. Don’t guilt trip him, don’t pressure him, nothing, so he doesn’t go around in circles, just ask him to be honest.

Ebi

Hey girl,

Yeh he needs to stop that immediately. Based on what we do know, they’re both being too damn disrespectful and they both need to be spoken to separately. Tell her you do not appreciate that and tell him that too. If they’re both idiots they’ll continue without informing you but you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it. Just communicate and ensure you make it abundantly clear that it needs to stop and they need to respect your decision if they have any wish to continue being in your life.

Ebi

Hey girl,

Sometimes these things happen. There are many issues here, one is the way in which you view yourself. You my lovely are precious. Unfortunately you’ve found yourself in a position where you’ve chosen to compete with other girls for a mans attention. Error number 1. Don’t get me wrong people can and are allowed to have multiple interests depending on their set-up when dating but the only reason you feel this way is because you felt he could potentially choose you. You also probably worked out why in your head you’re the best option.  What has happened is now he didn’t pick YOU you’ve concluded that surely that must mean you are not all you thought the person he picks/has picked would be. You attached your worth to his decision and in turn gave him too much power, no one should have that much over the way in which you view yourself. Nope. You were precious before him and you are precious after him. Now I know you’re probably thinking nice words but I still feel like shit, so let me give you a couple tips on how to move past this practically. FRIENDS!! They’re important. If you have female friends right now, I’m gonna need you to gravitate to the friends in your circle who live out the confidence that you’re trying to acquire (just for now, i’m not saying drop all your other friends) the reason I say this is that a lot of times confidence rubs off, you’ll still have to do the work but it’s easier when you’re around people who make confidence a lifestyle. Be real with your trusted friends and tell them how you feel, if you don’t think you have friends like that, try finding/reaching out to people in person (maybe even social media) that exude that confidence. I’m assuming you’re young, so try and find yourself a mento, if you’re religious then someone in that area of things and then another for motivation and guidance for life and well-being then another who can help you on the career/passion side of things, if you can find all three in one then perfect. Work on your passions!!! Do new things.  One thing about stepping out of your comfort zone is that it builds confidence and character and it also changes you in a good way, so much so you will gradually find your old self unrecognisable, why this works is that you’ll naturally associate this situation and everything that has happened with who you used to be or where you used to be, whereas the more you do new things and great things at that, you’ll realise that you’re the shit and that you’re better than who you were or where you used to be esp. when he was around…so even remembering him will be like old news, like so not on your level ;). Words of affirmation, tell yourself you’re the ish, feed yourself things that naturally build up your confidence, character, so shows, podcasts, videos, read stuff (empowering blogs are dope). Surround yourself with people who tell you you’re the ish, even guy friends that tell you you’re the ish so you know it’s not just your girls gassing you lmao. Do everything in your power to draw that amazingness out of you. Lastly, GIRLLLLLL YOU ARE ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH TO SOMEONE, YOU JUST WAIT ON IT.

Ebi

Hey lovely,

Yep you need to tell him to dead that or keep some distance respectfully.  I’m sure if it were the other way around it would be a problem. I’m also not a fan of the way in which you found out, that speaks volumes in my opinion. So simply put, just communicate and let him know it’s making you feel extremely uncomfortable (irrespective of whether it’s innocent or not, some boundaries need to be in place until you at least either feel comfortable with that and can figure out whether she is back in the picture as a friend or more. So basically you need to figure out whether she respects your relationship (assuming your boyfriend does too) if you don’t mind him not cutting her off completely for whatever reason.

Ebi