Hi Oloni, I can relate so much to the girl who’s name was saved as ‘black’. I recently got a new job and when I started I met one of the guys who works in the sales department. Long story short, we started texting, but flirty banter then one day during work he sent a image of whatsapp of him in black face with the caption “get a guy that can do both”. I was so confused and didn’t know what to say so I didn’t reply. But once he’d realised what he had done, he messaged me saying sorry. I said it’s fine (I shouldn’t of, I know) then we just continued texting. We went out for a couple of dinners after that and everything was calm, but now we haven’t spoken in a while apart from work. I just don’t know what to do? Should I ask him what’s changed or just leave it?
20. August 2017
I’m sorry but this isn’t someone you should fuss over. He’s ignorant and should be left at the back of your mind.
Oloni
Hi Oloni! So I’m mixed race (half white english, half black african) my best friend of 15 years is white English. She’s had a new boyfriend for the past 8 months who she split up a month ago because he cheated. He’s white and a gypsy. I started to think he was racist as his tweets were mainly about muslims and other ethnicities And he came out with comments like ‘the thought of black boys around you at wireless makes me sick’ but he was always friendly with me. Since theyve split I’ve looked on his twitter and there’s so much racist tweets about Africans/middle easterns/muslims. My friend wants to get back with him but I feel like she would be disrespecting me if she did as I’m extremely vocal about my dislike towards racist people. Although I haven’t spoke about his twitter with her she must have seen it! I want to tell her my views on him but I don’t want to lose my friendshiHi Oloni! So I’m mixed race (half white english, half black african) my best friend of 15 years is white English. She’s had a new boyfriend for the past 8 months who she split up a month ago because he cheated. He’s white and a gypsy. I started to think he was racist as his tweets were mainly about muslims and other ethnicities And he came out with comments like ‘the thought of black boys around you at wireless makes me sick’ but he was always friendly with me. Since theyve split I’ve looked on his twitter and there’s so much racist tweets about Africans/middle easterns/muslims. My friend wants to get back with him but I feel like she would be disrespecting me if she did as I’m extremely vocal about my dislike towards racist people. Although I haven’t spoke about his twitter with her she must have seen it! I want to tell her my views on him but I don’t want to lose my friendship or make a its me or him situation? (She’s VERY stubborn) What would you do or say ? X
20. August 2017
He’s disgusting. Talk to your friend and let her know about the vile piece of shit, she has an ex. Also explain that if she does get back with him, you’d prefer if she keep you both away from each other.
I’d also hope you spend less and less time with her as I’m a firm believer in, your romantic partners being a representaiton of yourself in some ways. So I’m 100% sure she knows that he’s a nasty little cunt.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I was sort of seeing this guy.. well he was basically on me for like two months, I finally decided to go out with him after like three dates we ended up having sex and I thought that after this he would do a fuckboy thing and just disappear which I didn’t mind because I wanted to just have sex and didn’t see anything serious coming from it. Anyway after this he was still on me and we continued for maybe 2-3 weeks seeing each other and then one day communication just stopped. Is this a case of he just wanted to sleep with me or did I do something wrong? Because if I message him he acts normal but I have to force the conversation, I was starting to like him he’s also an older guy
20. August 2017
He’s just no longer interested and it happened later than you expected.
This is very common.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, do you think closure is necessary in a relationship where I feel as if I’m being used for my money. My “boyfriend” makes no effort to see, or call me (we only text) but I’ve been loaning him money and that seems to be the only time he holds a brief conversation with me then disappears for days. Yes I know it’s dumb on my end. Should I say something or just block him and move on?
20. August 2017
Dump him and ask for your money back. Closure isn’t necessary
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I have been seeing this guy for 5 months. We clicked instantly & simultaneously, and have created a deep connection. I haven’t felt this strongly about a person before, he is so loving. There is one thing that bothers me and I’m unsure how to approach it. His friends, 2 in paticular.. both have bad drug habits , both bad traits that I wouldn’t picture him to assosciate with. This didn’t bother me untill recently , every time I go to his house one of his friends will turn up and stay till stupid hours in the morning (if not the whole night)! This is becoming a huge problem for me, it is uncomfortable. But I know he is close to his friends and i don’t want to seem as if I’m trying to dictate rules to his friendships. Any advise on how to address this?
20. August 2017
Hey love! I understand your frustration I really do. You have to remember that while your boyfriends mates have their own nasty habits, so does your man. His friends .. now, those are his bad habits.
From what you’ve described it seems like they’ve been in the picture .. for a long time too and while some people outgrow friendships, it’s hard to shake some off, especially if you’re used to it.
The best thing I can advise is that you communicate what you’ve noticed and how unsettling its become. When you’re in a commitment, friendships with men and women outside of it tend to change.. naturally too.
Have a conversation.. not an argument. Good luck!
Oloni
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