Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book a private call here
Grab a copy of The Big O: An empowering guide to loving, dating and f**king
Sorry, I fell asleep
So I found out I had genital herpes 3 years ago. I was devastated and I’ve only been able to get back into dating recently. But every single guy I’ve met right before we get to the sex I inform them I have herpes and they look at me with pure disgust. I haven’t had a break out in over six months and I tell them this and of course it’s there choice to stop pursuing things with me but it just makes me feel so unwanted. There was once a guy who I got a bit too excited with and whilst we were kissing (I didn’t plan on it going further than kissing) slipped his finger down my pants and started fingering me. I forgot what it felt like but once I came to my senses pushed him off me and told him. He looked at me with disgust. He had a full bottle of vodka and doused it on his entire hand right in front of me then ran off. I never felt so dirty in life. So my question is how do I go about dating with herpes? I feel like I can never be intermit with anyone ever again…
9. August 2017
Hey hun! I’m so dissapointed to hear how some men have treated your situation, the truth is.. they probably don’t even understand what herpes is.
At the same time, be glad it didn’t work out with these guys as they aren’t the type of men you should aspire to be with.
When you do find someone else you like, once you sense things can become intimate let them know you have herpes. ASK if they know what it is.. chances are if you deliver it as if it’s life threatening, they’ll react the same way.
Do not be afaid to live your life hun. Use condoms, use dating apps, go out more and get to know some new men!
Oloni
So I’m a black trans woman who lives in London that is very cis passing. You wouldn’t be able to tell if I were born male if you looked at me thanks to hormones and expensive surgery. My issue is I love black men and in London there isn’t much black LGBT support or visibility so it’s very hard to find attractive guys. I don’t want to lead a cisgender man on just for it to fall back on my face when I tell him I’m trans. I have a friend who’s trans who did that, she sucked a mans dick and then later told him he was trans. The man committed suicide because he felt so disgusted by all of it. I know this is a extreme but I don’t want anything like that happening to me. How do you suppose I try find black men who are into trans women in London?
9. August 2017
Thanks for messaging in! It’s always best to be honest, but only when you feel comfortable enough to and before intimacy.
I’m not completely sure how big or small or the black LGBT community is here, however they’re out there, you just need to find them.
Use facebook, Meet Up, dating apps such as Trans. Try Twitter and Instagram too.
Hope I was able to help!
Oloni
Hey Oloni! So what are your thoughts on being the financial provider as the woman in the relationship? My boyfriend is always in need of money and I’m kinda tired of always dishing out money (even large amounts). I have goals of my own but I’m always helping him with his personal problems. What should I do?
9. August 2017
He’s sponging off you and that’s not fair. The issue here is you not being able to say ‘no’.
It’s not a bad thing to want to help anyone you love and care for, but from what you’ve shared on Simply Oloni it sounds like he’s taking advantage.
It’s unfair.
Please, get rid. He needs a job, not a sugat mama.
Oloni
Hey oloni, i just came back from Napa 2 weeks ago. i dont know how to tell my boyfriend of 3 years that 2 6ft hench black guys blew my back out. wildest experience of my life. It’s his birthday next week friday and i really wanna get this off my chest asap..
9. August 2017
Allow him to enjoy his birthday and tell him after. Have a conversation about the whole thing. Do you know why you did it? Explain as much as you can without making excuses.
Cheating is wrong, but it’s important to know why you decided to be disloyal.
Perhaps this relationship just isn’t for you anymore.
Oloni
Hi Oloni! So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years, we’ve been seriously talking about marriage and our future together. We had our fingerprints on each other’s phone. A few months ago I had taken a screenshot of something I wanted to send to myself from his phone. When I went to the camera roll to do so, I came across 3 nudes just of the top half that looked like they of same girl. I was shocked to see this so I confronted him and he said one of his boys just sent them to him to show him the girl he was talking to. I mean at the time I said that’s very weird but he insisted and if I’m honest he had never given me a reason not to trust him, he deleted the photos and we left it at that. Then last week my friend messaged me and said she’s seen my man on tinder… She sent me screenshots for me to see, the profile was pretty basic and he only had 2 photos up. So when I asked him about it he said he doesn’t use it he only made it to encourage his friend to get in the dating scene. However my friend said it wouldn’t have shown if it wasn’t active? The next day I wanted to see if the app was there as I hadn’t been on his phone for months, only to find that my fingerprint didn’t work. He said he had to get rid of all of them for some reason. At this point he has an excuse for everything, what do you think I should do?
5. August 2017
Break up. He’s playing you.
Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Sign up to our mailing list to read our sex and relationship features first.
You have Successfully Subscribed!