Aww hey there, thanks so much for your kind words, it means a lot and Oloni will see this too :),  okay, I’m actually going to get a cup of tea….got it now, so let’s go haha. Here’s what I think, I think you need to talk to him about it. Yes I know there are rules and blah blah blah but I’m a huge believer in connections and vibes, when you connect with someone and you’re sure that connection is felt on his side too, I’m all about ripping out some of the pages in that rule book and just communicating. I think sometimes we stick so much to rules that we sacrifice our emotional health. Yes the usual way of doing things is waiting till month two or three to ask questions, but I always think there are certain things that can be communicated much earlier but in a talking-stage friendly way. By that I mean if you think “what are we?” after week 2 will make him run then maybe say something like, “I’ve noticed that we don’t talk as often as we used to, so let me know what’s going on so I know everything is okay”…if you want it to be a bit more light hearted you can throw in a bit of humour and just say, “Look, I’m not trying to marry you already, a girl just needs to know that she’s not about to perish in the land of uncertainty”. I just think we know ourselves and if you know for a fact that you’re the type of girl to obsess over something that isn’t going right and that that thing will impact your mood in one way or another, then of what use is that rule to you, when you’re basically suffering in silence. I also think if open communication makes a man run away at any stage then he’s simply not the one for you, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy it just means that’s not the kind of guy you need right now. So as long as you know you’re asking a question with your emotional and mental well-being in mind then no matter the response you get you should be happy and content with your decision to ask. Eventually you’ll get to a space where you don’t feel neglected, if you don’t communicate as often but until you get to that space (which is often after trust is built and some sort of strong foundation is set) then ask the necessary questions whilst keeping approach in mind. That’s you putting yourself first and nipping all the things that have the potential to consistently affect your mood in the bud asap. I’m sure I even read somewhere that that’s the key to looking like a 12 year old at 50. Hope this helps.

-Ebi

25% off for ALL students  + MORE!

Hey lovely,

Sending over some cyber hugs xxx. This is just a season and it will pass. Now from what you’ve said, the honest truth is that you were in a relationship with a compulsive liar who is not only extremely insecure but also doesn’t strike me as someone that likes to take accountability for his actions, which is why he always presents any girl he gets with as the bad one, the clingy one etc. which in turn means no one ever gets to see the role he plays in these situations and he is always presented in the best light. Given this background, he definitely isn’t someone you can rely on to be sensible in any way, shape or form, so as painful as it might be you’re going to have to make your decision assuming that he will forever remain the idiot that he is.  Now this is where YOU need to do what’s best for you. Does he need to know you’re pregnant? Yes. But what you need to do first is surround yourself with a support system that will stick by you throughout this whole process. So that means inform your family regardless of your decision, maybe some friends (but be very careful, go to those you have ALWAYS been able to rely on, this isn’t the time for trial and error friendships, you’re extra sensitive right now so you need solid friends around you) and also seek counselling, go to your GP and ask about the services they provide. Now talk to him once you’ve come to your decision and make it short, you’re informing him, you’re not asking him for his opinion on your decision (unless you want his opinion) after all you’re no longer together and he is extremely disrespectful. As for your decision do not make a decision based on the idea that you want him to love you again or to make him happy, you can do everything for him and get nothing in return, that’s the reality of life, don’t let anyone play you or deceive you into thinking otherwise and that goes for both keeping or terminating a pregnancy, think very carefully about your intentions because that will determine how easily you become at peace with your decision during your healing process and how overwhelmed you are with regret. Make a decision for your own happiness and that of your child, make sure you’re super aware of the reality of either decision, but also be aware that time heals, it really does, sometimes it’s slow but I promise it does, especially if you channel your pain in the right way.

-Ebi

Hey lovely,

I think you need to just see how this goes, you need to communicate to him exactly what you told us. Just say you’re not sure whether this is a phase or something serious and you just want to see where it goes, as he’s your best friend he should understand and it gives him the info needed in order for him to work out how much he invests into you romantically, so feeling wise you both remain on the same page.

-Ebi

The Pros And Cons Of Having Sex With An Ex

Sex with an ex – it could mean everything or nothing – most people opt for nothing, just some non-complicated, no strings attached sex. The idea sounds simple enough but the reality is that there is still the possibility of the situation become tangled even without the string. So, sex with an ex – should you do it, keep doing it or stop? Well, I can’t give you the answer to your individual situation that’s a decision you will have to make on your own. But I can offer a few pros and cons to assist you .. read more HERE 

Hey,

Distance yourself. Forget what he has told your friend. All you can go by are his actions and right now he doesn’t seem to be all that into you, facts are he is sleeping with you, then ignoring you. He may have his reasons but that’s all you can go by. If he chooses to reach out to you then communicate, but right now you’ve done enough communicating on your end and it hasn’t been reciprocated.

-Ebi

Hey,

I know it’s important to not hold a grudge but I do think him ignoring all  of your messages and speaking to his ex without taking time out to make you feel comfortable is rude. I think before you invest any more, you need to have a firm conversation (without mentioning your special plans btw) and ask him where you stand. If you do something special for him only to find out he has moved on (which I suspect is the case) then it will make you feel even worse. He owes it to you to give you some sort of explanation and if you don’t think the excuse given has any weight don’t be afraid to go with your gut instinct and respectfully cut him off. Hope this helps.

-Ebi