Hey lovely,

Based on the information you have given me you seem to have internalised his unwillingness to get into a relationship with you. You seem to see it as if there’s something you can do to make him want a relationship with you. The facts are he has said he doesn’t want one. He isn’t ready and the longer you ignore that the more you will hurt yourself. What you need to do is cut off all communication with him and focus on yourself. Since you’ve mentioned having mental health issues, don’t be afraid to take this situation to a counsellor and allow them to help you go through your emotions regarding this situation. You say you’re stuck but you shouldn’t feel that way, he has made a CLEAR decision, now it’s on you to respect that decision and if you can’t respect it for one reason or another at least remove yourself from the situation. Hanging about in this kind of environment will eventually lead to a situationship, check out Oloni’s blogpost on situationships. You could also end up being the “girlfriend fluffer” (check out her post on that that discusses it in detail) because even though he has said he isn’t ready for a relationship, sometimes guys  (who just don’t know how to be completely honest might I add) mean they’re really not ready for a relationship WITH YOU. This may not feel nice, but trust me if you remove yourself from the situation now, you’ll feel so much better in no time. Ways of doing that, block/unfollow him on everything, tell your trusted girls who can help you get over him, work on yourself, gym works apparently, work on your passions and eventually you’ll come to a place of peace.  Hope this helped.

-Ebi

Hey,

Delete those feelings and move on. That age gap is wild, you may not see it that way, but from someone looking in from the outside, that age gap is unacceptable in my opinion and I’m sure family or any sensible person around you would say the same thing. You are at different stages in life and he has a girlfriend. Why involve yourself in mess when you can find a perfectly single man who is ready to love you the way you want to be loved and doesn’t treat you as secondary to his girlfriend, because think about it, he’s with his girl, flirting with you but that’s about it, he is still with his girl and has made no attempt to leave her for you, based on the information you have provided, clearly it’s deeper for you than it is for him and even if you were to get into a relationship who’s to say you won’t lose him the same way you got him? So babes, don’t allow any man to finesse you, don’t settle for less than you know you deserve…and avoid 23 year olds please.

-Ebi

Hey,

You sound scared, if he keeps harassing you inform the police, if based on his behaviour and your judgement you begin to feel unsafe and unable to do so, inform a trusted family member and tell them you want to inform the police but you are afraid. You SHOULD NOT put up with any of this. DO NOT LET ANYONE, ANY GUY, INTIMIDATE YOU INTO DOING ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO. Hope this helps, end that business relationship and block him on all platforms, including your phone.

-Ebi

On a date? Drop him & prosper.

-Ebi

Hey,

I know someone who mentioned this kind of experience to me before, she felt she couldn’t date someone of her race because it reminds of her family so you’re not alone. Okay, first thing is, when it comes to love you really can’t afford to choose a partner just to please your family. If it works it works, if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, no pressure lovely. Do you. As for the black guys you are dating, hopefully this doesn’t sound so creepy, but are you choosing guys with similar characteristics/traits as your brothers? If you are, maybe you need to go all the way out there and pick black guys who are completely not like any of your siblings (without eliminating the good qualities that you’d want in any man black or white…so don’t go for a scumbag just because you don’t want a nice gentleman like your brother lmao). So open yourself up to various options, talk to different types of black guys and see how that goes, other than that, that’s all I think you can do really, if I think of anything else, I’ll come back here and add more. But since you like white guys also, don’t shut down a potentially great relationship with a white guy just because you don’t want to upset anyone, it’s all down to you.

-Ebi