Hey love, the problem you have is more common than you’d actually believe. It seems as though you probably don’t have that much experience when it comes to exploring your sexuality, that and no one is speaking up. He’s carried on doing things that do not turn you on for a year, because you haven’t told him what you like or how you like it. For all he knows, he probably still thinks you love his kisses or the way he caresses you. Try getting to know each others body properly and dedicate time and effort to it. Remember, you have to SPEAK UP.

Oloni

12 Things You Should Stop Saying To Single People

Being single is not a curse, so why do people always talk to you as if there’s something wrong once they find out your relationship status? A lot of people ENJOY their singleness but admittedly, there are some who are ready to find ‘the one’. What they’re tired of dealing with however, is having the same old thing being said to them, time and time again. I’ve compiled a list of 12 things single people are quite frankly bored of hearing…read more HERE

I don’t really encourage long distant relationships between two people who have just started dating. But it’s completely up to you. If you both believe it can work and have the same end goal for things, then give it a shot.

Oloni

Hey lovely,

Sorry you had to go through that, I hope you are making the most of the options available to you with regards to coping with your decision, i.e. family, great friends and counselling, if not make sure you do surround yourself with a great support system. What I gather from the information you have given is that he probably sees your situation as a casual thing and you saw it as more…so a situationship in some respect, which happens to many. I think seeing it as “what did you do wrong” isn’t really a healthy way of looking at it given the fact that you both weren’t transparent about what you wanted from the situation. I think you should see it as you both weren’t on the same page so looking forward you will do everything within your control to ensure you don’t find yourself in a  another situation wherein you’re not comfortable being as open about your true feelings, or the other person is not on the same page as you. You can do this by asking the important questions at the start of whatever it is you have, make your intentions clear before you open yourself up to him (be it emotionally or sexually, whatever you value the most is what you need to protect/guard so that you don’t feel as though you lost out/you’re lesser when the person leaves) and ask him what his intentions are in the situation, so that you know what it is from the jump (save situations where the person is a liar, hopefully that doesn’t happen to you though). You need to be very unapologetic in this area of things, even if he is obviously uncomfortable or is reluctant to discuss those things, understand that you’re doing it for yourself and not him and usually when someone is able to maturely have these conversations without kicking up a fuss, that’s usually a sign that they’re not serious anyway. Lastly, I feel like the guy does deserve to know about the termination, but since you’ve already delayed it, maybe wait until a time in which you feel emotionally stable enough to disclose that information, this is because how he reacts to it is out of your control and if he dismisses it or responds in a way that hurts you, that can take you back to a place that you don’t need to be in, especially being at uni. So when you get to a point where you feel as though you’ll be fine irrespective of the way in which he chooses to respond to it then be open about it, because for him, it was just a situationship that he decided to cut off for whatever his reasons may be, he has no clue about the true extent of your feelings. Hope this helped.

-Ebi

The Beginners Sex Toy Guide 

Whether you have or haven’t experimented with a sex toy before. This blog post will certainly help give you an insight of things you could possibly try in the bedroom with your sexual partner. I’m a big fan of toys as it keeps them bedroom hot, they’re essential especially if you’re after something more ordinary than vanilla sex.

Now I understand that a lot of people can be squeamish towards the idea of a cock ring .. read more HERE

The Twitter handle in this dilemma has been blocked by Simply Oloni due to confidentiality reasons. 

Hey lovely,

I’m so sorry to hear that this is what you’re going through, (he is scum) but you need to believe that you are precious and that you are not dirty and that you have not ruined your life even though that’s how you may feel, it’s of such importance right now that you wish yourself well and stop being so hard on yourself. As for him I would say you report him to the police, it should be on his medical records that he has herpes (if he hasn’t signed up to a clinic as someone else) and is completely aware of that fact, it should also have the date he was made aware of his status. That is the only way to at least ensure that he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. But outside of that what you need to do now is get yourself clued up on how to live with herpes. I know people with herpes in happy relationships and or thriving in life, so do not think having herpes means your life is over or ruined. For as long as you are alive you can do all the things you planned to do. It may not feel good now but it’s possible, so what you need is hope. So I’ve done a bit of research for you:

1. Genital herpes is a common condition, especially in people from 20 to 24 years old.
2. According to the National Institutes of Health, many people with genital herpes never even have outbreaks or their outbreaks decrease over time (one or two outbreaks a year is not uncommon). The virus can lie dormant in your system for years without coming to the surface.
3. HSV has no effect on fertility and is not transmitted via men’s sperm or women’s ova (eggs).
4. Women with genital herpes can experience a safe pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. This is especially so when a women has a diagnosis of genital herpes prior to becoming pregnant. In the situation when the mother already has a history of genital herpes, she will have antibodies circulating in her blood which will protect the baby during the pregnancy and delivery.

LIVING WITH HERPES/YOUR EMOTIONS REGARDING HERPES (CHECK THESE BRILLIANT ARTICLES OUT)

1. Ella Dawson on Living w/Herpes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc0915ZhKiw
2. Ella Dawson detailed experience on living with herpes: http://www.buzzfeed.com/carolinekee/lets-talk-about-genital-herpes#.xhvdb1bNjJ & https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com
3. An excellent post on dating with herpes which addresses so many of your concerns: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/colette-kenney/dating-with-herpes_b_1609226.html
4. WHY I LOVE TELLING PEOPLE I HAVE HERPES: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/dating-with-herpes

Given this you genuinely don’t need to freak out. You can live a happy life with herpes, so many people do. I would say it may be of help to sign up to an online community of people who are living with herpes in order for you to hear about their experiences and understand that you are not alone. Depending on your relationship with the other girl who contracted herpes, you could both encourage each other. I would say don’t be afraid to tell a trusted family member, but if that seems like too much for you right now, seek counselling, so go to your GP and tell them you need support. Also make sure you are taking the necessary medication. Lastly, throw yourself into your passions, although it may not be easy, putting your life on hold is the easiest way to stay in a painful place, you need a great support system, you need to do all the things that you were previously too scared to do. Treat this like a break up, do everything that makes you happy, be it going to the gym, eating well, meeting new people, working on your talents, working on your spirituality, do it all. BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING. BLOCK HIM. At best get everything you need to say out if you feel you need to vent then BLOCK, do not have any contact with him. Don’t be afraid to write in again, you can also try out Oloni’s phone advice service whenever you’re in need, to help you get through this. Sending love your way. I hope this helped.

-Ebi

I understand you’re having fun, but this could get really really really messy and you could be seen as the guy infamously known for ‘trying it’ with every woman at work. People talk, regardless! At the same time I’m not sure if you’re looking for a green light from here to go ahead and continue.. you’re a free agent and can do what you want, I personally just don’t think it’s a smart idea.

Oloni