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Ok so this story is a lil mad. I’ve been with my partner for 7 years and he’s cheated 3 times. I only knew about the first one when it happened, I forgave and we stayed together. I recently found out about the other 2 times he’s cheated. The last one was a 3 year, long distance affair. It wasn’t a one off, she was his side chick. They met whilst he was on a boys holiday. It was an emotional & physical affair. He got her pregnant when they started seeing eachother but they didn’t keep the baby. The last time he saw her was just before the pandemic. We are currently separated , but he wants to make things right and show and prove to me he’s changed. Although he was my best friend , I’m in two minds. What would you do if you were me?
15. February 2021
Hi Oloni.. I have a complicated friendship with an amazing girl. She has a boyfriend but doesn’t like speaking about him around me and we have sort of told each other we like each other. She hasn’t broken up with her boyfriend and I feel like I am being reserved as a second option.. she doesn’t rate any of the girls I have been seeing and gets jealous when she sees me around other women (again I must stress.. she has a boyfriend!) I’m ok with this to an extent, I have settled in my mind if she was single then she would be the one for me.. I am curious though, from a woman’s perspective, what do you think is on her mind? And should I walk away? Feel torn that I should walk away to respect her relationship but also know that our friendship means so much to her (and me 🙃) would love your thoughts on this mind maize! Thanks
15. February 2021
Heya, I definitely think it’d be best to distance yourself to respect her relationship. Who knows if it’s meant to be, maybe it possibly will. You also have to ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who’s telling other men, she has feelings for them? It’s not a great look. Give yourselves some space, it could also help her decide on what she really wants to do.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I have been seeing a guy for a week (starting the Sunday before Valentine’s day) and we agreed to make plans for V day. When Valentine’s day came he was with his friends kept delaying what time he would come over so I told him not to bother. Do I have a right to be angry at him for not prioritising me, if we had only been seeing each other for a week? He had been saying from the start he wants to get serious but his actions on V day tell me otherwise.
15. February 2021
He’s not serious about you. Stop seeing him!
Oloni
I was seeing this guy for over a year and I fell in love hard, but he has a child and he cheated on me with his baby mum from there everything went down hill. I became really possessive and emotionally abusive because I couldn’t trust him long story short we kept fighting and it became super toxic and I ended it but I miss him so much I feel so lost without him and he’s gone back to his babymum, but I want him back should I just message him or leave him to it. I’ve never been so stuck on someone I feel like he’s my soulmate and I’m at a loss.
22. December 2020
Girl, you will find another soul mate. Why do you want this one so bad? He is the type of baby dad I pray against. He’ll always pick the mother of his kid and sleep with her whenever, clearly. Do you WANT to share him? Girl you need to let him go.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, a guy I was talking to allowed me to have sex with him after I expressed to him how important it is to me. We had to stop fore play one time because the worry of having sex with him was physically affecting my body language and he saw it. I specifically told him that I don’t want anything casual and I wanted someone who was going to be there and learn my body. I didn’t want to give access to me in that way if it was a temporary fling. He reassured me that he’s all in with me (he had continuously said he wanted a relationship with me) and when I asked him if he’s entertaining other women he said no. I consented to sex with him based on this information but then a few weeks later he tells me he’s met someone else and we can’t see eachother anymore. My feelings for him were not strong enough for me to be heartbroken but I can’t help but feel extremely violated because he knowingly withheld information that would’ve revoked my consent. I am having trouble dealing with this and I do not want to want to use certain words lightly as a lot of women have experienced worse and traumatic experiences, but I can’t help but feel violated and assaulted. I have been robbed of the opportunity to properly consent to it, because he knew me well enough to know that my answer would have been ‘no’ had he been honest with me. Am I overthinking this?
22. December 2020
Hey hun I understand you’re upset and you have every right to be. If the situation changed over a couple of weeks, he is allowed to change his mind on who he wants to continue seeing. He expressed himself and told you, he doesn’t get a cookie for it but my point is he continued to be honest throughout and didn’t ghost.
It’s an interesting one. I’ll post on social media and see what others think. I do hope you’re okay, make sure you try and speak to friends you trust about this if it’s still heavy on your mind. Sometimes sex can be complicated.
Oloni
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