Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
*T/W SEXUAL ABUSE* Hey oloni, so last weeks bckchat triggered me like mad. 3 years ago I was raped by someone from my uni and have never spoken about it until recently. I was drunk on the night and never consented but the guys still continued. And even texted me the next day apologising. I try not to let it get to me but at times I find myself thinking about it and the fact he’s carried on with his life like nothing ever happened really bothers me. What do I do to truly move on from this. I don’t want to go to the police because I don’t want to ruin his life, even though he did hurt me
5. April 2017
Heya hun, thank you or messaging me, even though it’s anonymous it’s still extremely brave of you. I know you said you don’t want to, as it was 3 years ago, but you should still go to the police. It’s extremely important that it is reported, because sadly he can do this to someone else. I also think you need to talk to someone, you love and trust…so perhaps a good friend. Try seeking therapy as I feel like a professionals guidance is always best. If you ever need a chat. you’re more than welcome to email me simplyoloni@gmail.com
Oloni
Hey Oloni! My bf and I have been together for 7 months, last month he suddenly decided he has to properly focus on his faith again and take it seriously, so he wants to stop having sex until we get married. It was not an issue previously, he had no qualms with sex before with me and in his previous relationships, as far as I know. I feel like whenever I try to speak to him about it and disagree, he acts as if I’m trying to diverge him from God and his values. I have been very supportive in going to church with him and helping him on his journey but our views are starting to differ so it is harder and harder. What’s your take on this? Thank you! x
5. April 2017
Heya love! Ooh this is an interesting one. I feel as though when someone makes a change to their sexuality which includes religion, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You either stay and accept his new journey or leave respectfully and thank him for the last 7 months.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I’m so lonely. Even writing this I’m holding back tears thinking about how lonely I am. I have a 3 year old child and everything I do is for her. I’m a single mum and if I’m not at work I’m with her. I just really want male company to start that road to marriage but how and where. Do I allow them to chat me up while I’m with my child or continue being offended? I don’t have friends to go out with to a bar or to do things with. What do I do? Where do I go? I’ve tried tinder, twitter, Instagram but never get past first couple of dates because I’m always flaking on them which I make no effort to not do, because I can’t imagine going further with them. I’m so scared I’m going to end up like my mum; after she had the courage to leave my dad I never saw her with another man and even now she sees my sadness and tells me don’t end up lonely like her. It’s gotten so bad that I cry soon as I get home, if I’m home alone I cry even more. What’s wrong with me??
5. April 2017
Hey love! I really wish I could give you a massive hug right now, but I need you to be strong… not only for yourself but for your child. You seem extremely overwhelmed and scared because of what you saw your mother go through and you’re starting to panic.
I need you to take a breather and to also realise, that everything you want and desire can totally happen, you just have to want it for the right reason. Don’t focus on just wanting a guy in your life, but a good guy, a sensible guy, one who is right for you and will love your child as his very own.
Give yourself time to meet one and do not worry if it doesn’t go past a couple dates, that’s just how dating works. If you ever do want to have a chat, contact me here so we can talk privately.
Hey Oloni, my boyfriend has a small dick and I don’t think he can dick me down the way I want him to. What should I do? +he’s not even humble about it, he acts like a big man on road but I know his secret.
5. April 2017
Hmm, it seems like you’re just trying to shame him. If he’s not pleasing you, figure out ways, that will help make sex more enjoyable.
Oloni
Hi Oloni. Some of my family members and ppl around me have been making negative comments about the fact that I haven’t had my first kiss and have never been in a relationship before. I’m almost 20 years old, I live at home and I’m in my second year of uni. I’ve never really had a proper friend nonetheless a boyfriend before because I’m really awkward and I’m starting to feel really down about it because lots are ppl around me are saying that I’m stuck up and that I’m going to die alone if I don’t change. I want to make friends and be in a relationship but I’m not quite sure how to go about it. I just feel rlly left behind now and like a loser because I haven’t had a romantic/sexual experience yet. Can you pls give me some advice on how to start?
5. April 2017
Hey love, thanks for writing in and I hope I’m able to help. If I’m honest, I think you should try creating friendships first instead of worrying about romance. One step at a time, right? Luckily we live in a digital age, where friendships are created on social media or apps. If you’re in university why not try starting there first? Join a society, plan meet ups, go to different places. I think once you work on creating platonic relationships, the rest will become easier.
As for you family members who keep making negative comments, I believe it’d be useful if you had a serious conversation with them, to let them know you don’t appreciate what’s being said.
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