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Sorry, I fell asleep
Oloni, I have an issue regarding a break up that has stuck with me for the past year. I’ve been with a man in June 2016 and everything was lovely: we met each other’s parents and made promises to each other which made the relationship seem as if it was going to be a long term investment in each other until he changed his mind. He told me he wants to focus on himself and his career and that he needs a break, and would like me to wait, so I did. I messaged him after 2 months asking if there’s any point in me waiting anymore and found out he deleted my number by asking “who’s this?” when I messaged him. After a couple messages of saying who I am and what I want he proceeded to tell me he still does not want a relationship but misses the sex. 2 hours later there was a girl sleeping on his bed on snapchat. I asked him about it and denied being with her, but I later found out that they are indeed going out and have been since our break up, and they’re still currently together now, April 2017. I also found out that he lied to our common friends and said that the reason as to why he left is because I cheated on him, which never happened. He probably forgot who I am by now and doesn’t think about me anymore, but I am not happy, and even one year later when I think about him and what he’s done to me I can feel a deep pain in my chest. He is happy and I am not. What should I do to find inner peace and let go? I’ve tried being with other men, finding hobbies and spending time with friends and family more, and even went counselling, but nothing seems to work. What steps should I take next?
22. April 2017
Hey darling! Thank you for setting time aside to write into me.
I’ll be extremely honest with you even as a blogger and agony aunt I don’t always have the answers. I wanted to tell you to keep busy, but by the time I had read your whole dilemma I saw that you had been doing that.
I’m sorry about what you went through, he was insensitive and a liar, but do not allow yourself to be hung up on this guy.
Be patient with what your emotions and trust that in time, you will be THANKFUL that your relationship didn’t progress any further. It may not feel like it now, but you had a lucky escape and were able to see him for the true person that he is.
Carry on seeing your counsellor, stay busy and be patient.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, this is a very complicated situation but I’ll try and keep at as brief as possible. Me and my best friend (both female) were bi curious and used to mess around. At the time I think she had a lot stronger feelings for me than I did for her and she showed signs of this but I didn’t really take it on board. The sex was great, and it just worked so well because we were best friends it worked so well! However, her moral compass did trigger her to randomly stop a lot of the time. She’s a practising Muslim (although a liberal one) and I think she felt bad sometimes. It started to become on and off. We ended up going to separate unis where I think she used the opportunity to completely forget about it and me; nevertheless we would still come to visit one another and relapse by having sex. I didn’t realise I loved her but by the time I did it was too late. I started mentioning other girls and even started having sex with boys to make her jealous I’m not sure if it worked but I eventually got tired of her distance and just cut her off. A few months down the line we spoke a little bit and I found out she had a boyfriend, I was very hurt and reacted by verbal abuse etc. She told me she talks to her bf a lot about me but I know she didn’t tell him about what really went on with us. Long story short I found out she just broke up with him and I really want to try and contact her but I don’t want my feelings hurt again, do you think it’s worth getting in touch?
22. April 2017
Hey hun! Thank you for writing in.
It sounds like your relationship with your friend has had its ups & downs. The both of you have never truly had a chance to be honest about your feelings, and hide behind sex.
If you want to tell her how you feel, then do it, but I think you should try to not be physical with each other, because that’s how things have become complicated in the past.
Explain that, although you know she’s just come out of a relationship you wanted to be honest now and before it’s too late. Make it clear that you’re not asking to runaway tomorrow, but you just want her to be aware of the feelings you have towards her.
I hope everything goes well.
oloni
Oloni, me and my boyfriends’ sex has become trash. When we met it was animal. Our first time he even tied me up and shit. Now, it’s like it’s always a quickie and he’s just trying to get to the finish. it’s always initiated by him and he does have a high sex drive but when I initiate it he takes it as a joke and says no?? We have been together 2 years and already he doesn’t care about my pleasure, I have to ASK him to go down on me so I feel like a complete mug when he forces my head down to him all the time! I just want our sex to go back to how it used to be and him to appreciate he has a damn sexy woman alot of men would love to pleasure! But he doesn’t at all. What shall I do!!
21. April 2017
Hey hun, it can get really annoying when the sex between you and your partner isn’t how it once was. The best thing you can do is have a conversation about it and not when you’re both naked lol! Get across your concerns about the bedroom and see how he responds, he probably doesn’t even realise that this might me annoying you. Try also buying a new BDSM kit, so you can get back to how things were before.
Oloni
Hi oloni hope you’re well. Basically I met this guy online and he’s soooo hot basically way out of my league 😭 He wants to meet up but I’m scared he’s going to be disappointed. I have a son and my body isn’t exactly how I want it to be right now. My pics clearly show that I’m not exactly small, but let’s just say they’re quite flattering pictures (we all know our angles right?) it’s just my first time meeting up with someone since I had my son and I’m really nervous. I know it’s probably not a biggie but I just feel like I’ve lost my confidence a bit.. What do I do? What if he comes here and says I’m ugly and leaves?! 😂😂 I’m sure all girls feel like this to a certain extent but When I think about meeting up with him I just bottle it. But I don’t want to not see him cos he is fiiiiine 😂 Help me please x
21. April 2017
Hey darling! This just sounds like an occasion to basically look your best. We all have insecurities and a lot of people who have met someone online, will tell you they’ve had a similar fear. Just relax, as I’m sure he’s probably nervous too. Make sure you give me an update!
Oloni
Oloni, I’ve been with my bf for a long time. We’ve never really had any issues and we get on really well. Recently he’s been texting this girl, I read a few of the messages (which I hate doing) and it’s just constant all day everyday even whilst he’s with me (we live together so spend a lot of time with each other). I am constantly seeing her name flash up on his phone and he’s been acting really shady about it, she’s really flirty over text saying she wants to get to know him more and he’s not saying no. I want to confront him but don’t want him to know I’ve gone through his messages. I’m so upset about the situation, what do I do?
21. April 2017
Tell him what you saw. You can’t pretend you haven’t seen the messages. Just let him know and explain how you dislike it. Yes, you shouldn’t have gone through his phone, but he shouldn’t be entertaining women who are flirting with him.
Oloni
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