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Heya hun, thanks for writing in there are plenty of people living with incurable STI’s so please don’t feel like you’re alone. In fact, we’ve had several people write in about the same dilemma in regards to dating. I was able to find one of the replies, where we shared a detailed response followed by guidance regarding herpes..

‘I know people with herpes in happy relationships and or thriving in life, so do not think having herpes means your life is over or ruined. For as long as you are alive you can do all the things you planned to do. It may not feel good now but it’s possible, so what you need is hope. So I’ve done a bit of research for you:

1. Genital herpes is a common condition, especially in people from 20 to 24 years old.
2. According to the National Institutes of Health, many people with genital herpes never even have outbreaks or their outbreaks decrease over time (one or two outbreaks a year is not uncommon). The virus can lie dormant in your system for years without coming to the surface.
3. HSV has no effect on fertility and is not transmitted via men’s sperm or women’s ova (eggs).
4. Women with genital herpes can experience a safe pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. This is especially so when a women has a diagnosis of genital herpes prior to becoming pregnant. In the situation when the mother already has a history of genital herpes, she will have antibodies circulating in her blood which will protect the baby during the pregnancy and delivery.

LIVING WITH HERPES/YOUR EMOTIONS REGARDING HERPES (CHECK THESE BRILLIANT ARTICLES OUT)

1. Ella Dawson on Living w/Herpes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc0915ZhKiw
2. Ella Dawson detailed experience on living with herpes: http://www.buzzfeed.com/carolinekee/lets-talk-about-genital-herpes#.xhvdb1bNjJ & https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com
3. An excellent post on dating with herpes which addresses so many of your concerns: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/colette-kenney/dating-with-herpes_b_1609226.html
4. WHY I LOVE TELLING PEOPLE I HAVE HERPES: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/dating-with-herpes

Given this you genuinely don’t need to freak out. You can live a happy life with herpes, so many people do. I would say it may be of help to sign up to an online community of people who are living with herpes in order for you to hear about their experiences and understand that you are not alone.’ – Ebi

I also think that you shouldn’t think of it as something to struggle with, you can live a pretty normal life. Go about dating like the average person would, join Bumble or Happn. Make eye contact with that guy who always catches the same 8.30am train as you, flirt on social media, go to social events. Just make sure when the times comes before sex, you explain your sexual health status.

You’ll find that some people may be ignorant and not have a clear understanding, so that’s where you ask if they know what it is and calmly explain it. Herpes doesn’t suddenly mean that you sex/dating life is over.

Oloni

Decide what you value more at this stage, the threesome or your relationship.

Oloni

You should have said something when you saw it. If I’m honest I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, he’s probably just forgotten to remove it.

Enjoy your relationship, as long as he’s not communicating with her, it’s no biggie. Believe in your sauce girl.

Oloni

Thanks hun.

I would suggest you try a new weekend routine. So if you usually, party during the weekend, try attending a friendly gathering or different type of social event. Whatever you’re doing now change. Meet more new people, go to new places, make new friends and TRY online dating. There’s nothing scary about having a good ol swipe, even if it’s for fun! Sometimes people go online for the opp sex and have no clue that they’re doing so..e.g. on Twitter/Insta/FB. There’s also great apps to form friendships that you can download, don’t limit yourself.

Oloni

Hey hun, so sorry you had to go through that. He never asked for your permission to record anything, regardless if your face wasn’t in it, he never had your consent. Have a conversation with him and let him know how you feel and explain that you wanted deleted. This has obviously made you uncomfortable, so I’d also advise you report it to the police. What he did, isn’t okay and you have every right to feel the way you do.

Oloni