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Hi Oloni, so this is gonna be a long one. My best friend/basically sister for 5 years graduated on Saturday, about to go to led school. She has thisl oser boyfriend (she spends ALL of her money on him, he has no job, not in school, just smoked weed all day long, literally) and they’ve been dating for 5 years. He just got off probation actually. And their relationship has bee long distance for the whole time. This weekend, after a night out celebrating and drinking, we all come home and he start saying these awful things to her ( fat bitch, retarded bitch etc etc etc.) because she didn’t get his weed fast to him enough. We just all simmer down, I’m pissed, but the next day he apologizes. Graduation day, seems great. We go out, they get hammered, I’m drunk but not that bad. We get home, he says way worse things to her than he did the night before, same reason. I kick him out, she panic, runs after him, me and him get into a fight (I beat him good though) and she comes after me. Hits me etc. I drive 45 minutes away back home (drunk). She calls me a few days later, wanting to work things out, but she basically blames me for the whole ordeal and won’t break up with him so I told her I don’t want to be friends. But my other friends say I should try and patch things up. I’m still very very pissed, and can’t believe she doesn’t see what this is, even though she says this is the first time he’s ever acted like that. What should I do? (And yes she pays for all his weed)
3. May 2017
It’s clear what relationship she values more and you’re going to have to accept it, or end your friendship with her. Sadly, you can’t do anything about the decisions she makes, especially her romantic ones. Does he sound like an abusive loser? Yes. Will you interfering even if it’s from the heart help? No.
You’re both grown, so it’s up to you to decide if you want to still be friends. If anything why not make sure you’re never around him, when he’s with your friend so you don’t have to witness their drama, that way you’re not caught in the middle.
Oloni
Hey oloni. My boyfriend never posts me on his social media and it’s been bothering me because he’s quite active online and posts everything else about his life. My particular issue is snapchat where I’ve caught him in girls DMs before and he’s able to get away with them thinking he’s single because he never shows me as his gf. I’ve confronted him about it and the fact he doesn’t show me off but nothing’s changed. Our friends and some people in Uni know about our relationship but I don’t feel like it’s enough. He is a good boyfriend mostly and I feel like him not posting me on his social media isn’t enough to break up with him so What else can I do besides talking to him again about it?
3. May 2017
That’s all you can do I’m afraid. Talk to him and let you know how you feel about it.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 2 years and a few months. Everything has been fine up until around march 2017 where he started to get angry at me about the smallest things to a point where he has thrown items at me and used rude words such as ‘bitch’ etc. It has happened 3 times so far. I do love him and he does apologise but I don’t know how genuine these apologies are if they keep happening. I don’t know what to do because it keeps happening and he thinks once he’s apologised we can just move on and ignore that. Besides that, the relationship is cool and fun as it should be but that specific thing is what’s eating at me.
3. May 2017
Hey love, what you’re going through is verbal and physical abuse and it’s important you leave this relationship immediately. You should never have to deal with either of it, as it’s very unhealthy and extremely damaging.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I’ve been seeing this girl for about 3 months. Not yet made it official but we talk everyday and have sex and that. Anyway in the 3 months we’ve barely had an argument then suddenly she loses her shit when she finds out I’ve got 3 close female friends. My friends did nothing to her and never spoke to her but she got mad because in her last relationship her ex’s friends made life hard for her. I told her that every situation is different and she was overreacting but anyway she said she didn’t want to see me again. It’s been about a week now and I lowkey miss her but realistically what can I do because I can’t cut off my friends for this one girl.
3. May 2017
Heya! It sounds like she’s carrying her baggage and insecurities into this relationship. I don’t think you should cut off your friendship with these women, especially if you have no reason to.
What you need to understand is that your relationship will not work if she has these feelings. The best thing I’d advice is to give her a call and see if she can have a better understanding.
Oloni
Hi oloni, I just want to clarify some things. I asked for advice about the AJ thing. To all the women saying I probably fawn over Instagram models that’s not true. I hardly ever use the app. I’m not like that. And it is serious, she was retweeting all types of tweets and making comments about Anthony Joshua and how is that meant to make me feel? I’ve never done something disrespectful like this before and she made it out as if it wasn’t that deep. She Still hasn’t apologised. I dunno what happened to her on that day but I decided to go on a break(it’s not just about the AJ tweets) because she was being ridiculously disrespectful for no reason. Ask your female followers if they’d feel disrespected if their boyfriend made all types of sexual comments about attractive instagram models or celebs saying “I’ll risk it all” for another woman. I’m certain if it was the other way around many would come to her defence so why am I now a joke because I feel a type of way about this? Anyways thanks for your response at least
2. May 2017
Thank you for writing in again. That’s the thing with my platform, everyone is anonymous so no one (incl myself) will ever know who the dilemma involves. As I mentioned, you have every right to feel the way you do and if she doesn’t realise it, then the both of you clearly don’t have the same level of respect for each other.
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