Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Hi oloni, So I’ve been feeling a little down recently. No boy has ever approached me or been interested in me romantically, I’ve had one night stands but the guys were usually crazy drunk so I dunno if that counts. Even on tinder I actually haven’t matched with anyone and I keep swiping, it’s like no ones interested in me. I don’t think I’m that attractive so maybe it’s that. So recently I decided to start taking the first move, if I saw a guy I liked whether I was shopping or in a club I would approach them and talk to them. I’ve been so unsuccessful at this. One guy in the club called after I said hi to me said he’s gay, walked away and then 10 minutes later I see him kissing up another girl, that really hurt. There was a time I was in Tesco and I asked a guy for his number I dialled it and it turned out to be a fake number, this all happened whilst he was in front of me. I just feel so unwanted and I don’t know what to do. What do you think I’m doing wrong and why won’t guys approach me? I just feel so unwanted and ugly and I need help
5. June 2017
I’m a firm believer in thinking that there’s someone for EVERYONE! Especially good people. I love your confidence and determination to find love! The only advice I have would be to not give up. Have you ever thought about joining a match making agency? There are several around. They’re discreet, helpful and you have someone who can do all the work for you, in terms of finding a new love interest. Give it a google and do some research. You’ll be surprised by how many men also find it hard to meet someone so please do not be too down on yourself.
Oloni
Hi oloni, So I started watching this show dear white people and I feel like my relationship is exactly like the white guy and the mix race girl in it. And white and my GF is mix race and ever since my GF got to uni she has become “pro-black” which is good I guess but I feel like she constantly belittles me(not directly) by saying white men are trash or calling white men the devil. She wasn’t like this before but I just feel so uneasy that she can chant all this hate about white people and then come back to tell me she loves me ect. I’m not one of those all lives matter people or anything but it just makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. She constantly tweets things like “we need to protect the black family” but comes back to me. I still love her but I dunno if i just chat to her about it or just leave. Any advice?
4. June 2017
Oh wow! Your girlfriend should know that being pro black does not mean anti white. Calling white men trash even though she’s in a interracial relationship just comes across as performative.. it doesn’t make any sense. She can still be woke and date someone out of her race. I would suggest you have a conversation with your girlfriend and explain how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I hope you’re well. I got engaged last month and I’m so excited about the new chapter, however I dont like my engagement ring. I accepted the proposal but informed him two days later that I would prefer a round or pear cut diamond as opposed to the square one I got, he got upset and is trying to make me look ungrateful. I’m not asking for a bigger size or anything I just want a different shape because I quite frankly don’t want to wear this one as I really don’t like the look. What else can I do to help him understand it’s nothing personal I just want a different shape? Thanks
4. June 2017
Congratulations on your engagement! Oooh engagement ring drama.. touchy one. I think he probably feels like you didn’t appreciate the effort he put into finding you a ring. And, in a sense, I completely understand.. okay, so he didn’t get the exact one you like. But shouldn’t the excitement and gesture of the proposal be the only thing on your mind? The ring was supposed to symbolise the next chapter in both of your lives and your hung up on a shape? Sisss come onnn.
I do think it’s good that you were honest, but you can’t complain for how he feels. It comes across as very materialistic, are you marrying him or the rock?
You have a wedding to plan, not an argument to start.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I’m a female with flat nipples and I think it’s ruining my sex life. Ever since my breasts formed during puberty my nipples have never been able to erect like most women’s. They don’t pop out and are inverted. This has always made me super insecure during sexual activities, I’m always unwilling to take off my bra or even have my breasts touched or played with. My current sexual partner feels like this restricts us in the bedroom and I feel like he is getting turned off or bored with just half of my sexual organs. I want to feel comfortable to explore things with him but I don’t know how I can overcome what has now become a fear for me. Any tips please?
4. June 2017
Hey hun! Thanks for writing in.. inverted nipples are more common than you think. You just need to try and feel comfortable with whoever you’re having sex with. As a woman it’s natural for you to have your insecurities.. we all do. But I find that if you don’t make a big deal out of them, your partner won’t either. Remember breasts come in all different sizes and shapes, so do not think of yourself as being different.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I’ve been with my gf over a year now and it has been a good relationship. At about 6 months into our relationship we spoke about going on holiday together and I told her I wanted to go on holiday with her but now I really don’t feel like it anymore. Reason is my gf can have serious mood swings. She might be fine one second and then really angry then next and when I try to talk to her about it she acts like nothing’s happened. It’s really difficult to talk to her about it because it’s either “she didn’t realise her mood changed” or she says ” it’s not that deep”. If we are out together and she has mood swings I normally deal with the situation by dropping her home, basically just giving her space. Now she really wants us to go on holiday together and I’m thinking what happens if she’s having her mood swings what do I do then there’s no where to run. I really don’t want to waste money and not have a good holiday but at the same time I don’t want to hurt her feelings by saying I don’t want to go away with her. Have you got any advice?
4. June 2017
Hey hun, thanks for writing in. Yikes..that can’t be easy to cope with. The only thing you should/can do, is to be upfront and tell her how it is. It may not be that ‘deep’ to her, but explain, it’s so deep to you, that you’re thinking long and hard about committing to the holiday.
I also would suggest you try asking her to seek therapy.. I’m a firm believer in thinking that we all need someone who’s a professional that we can speak to from time to time. There must be a real reason as to why her mood changes frequently.
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