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Hi oloni, So I started watching this show dear white people and I feel like my relationship is exactly like the white guy and the mix race girl in it. And white and my GF is mix race and ever since my GF got to uni she has become “pro-black” which is good I guess but I feel like she constantly belittles me(not directly) by saying white men are trash or calling white men the devil. She wasn’t like this before but I just feel so uneasy that she can chant all this hate about white people and then come back to tell me she loves me ect. I’m not one of those all lives matter people or anything but it just makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. She constantly tweets things like “we need to protect the black family” but comes back to me. I still love her but I dunno if i just chat to her about it or just leave. Any advice?
4. June 2017
Oh wow! Your girlfriend should know that being pro black does not mean anti white. Calling white men trash even though she’s in a interracial relationship just comes across as performative.. it doesn’t make any sense. She can still be woke and date someone out of her race. I would suggest you have a conversation with your girlfriend and explain how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I hope you’re well. I got engaged last month and I’m so excited about the new chapter, however I dont like my engagement ring. I accepted the proposal but informed him two days later that I would prefer a round or pear cut diamond as opposed to the square one I got, he got upset and is trying to make me look ungrateful. I’m not asking for a bigger size or anything I just want a different shape because I quite frankly don’t want to wear this one as I really don’t like the look. What else can I do to help him understand it’s nothing personal I just want a different shape? Thanks
4. June 2017
Congratulations on your engagement! Oooh engagement ring drama.. touchy one. I think he probably feels like you didn’t appreciate the effort he put into finding you a ring. And, in a sense, I completely understand.. okay, so he didn’t get the exact one you like. But shouldn’t the excitement and gesture of the proposal be the only thing on your mind? The ring was supposed to symbolise the next chapter in both of your lives and your hung up on a shape? Sisss come onnn.
I do think it’s good that you were honest, but you can’t complain for how he feels. It comes across as very materialistic, are you marrying him or the rock?
You have a wedding to plan, not an argument to start.
Oloni
Hey Oloni, I’m a female with flat nipples and I think it’s ruining my sex life. Ever since my breasts formed during puberty my nipples have never been able to erect like most women’s. They don’t pop out and are inverted. This has always made me super insecure during sexual activities, I’m always unwilling to take off my bra or even have my breasts touched or played with. My current sexual partner feels like this restricts us in the bedroom and I feel like he is getting turned off or bored with just half of my sexual organs. I want to feel comfortable to explore things with him but I don’t know how I can overcome what has now become a fear for me. Any tips please?
4. June 2017
Hey hun! Thanks for writing in.. inverted nipples are more common than you think. You just need to try and feel comfortable with whoever you’re having sex with. As a woman it’s natural for you to have your insecurities.. we all do. But I find that if you don’t make a big deal out of them, your partner won’t either. Remember breasts come in all different sizes and shapes, so do not think of yourself as being different.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I’ve been with my gf over a year now and it has been a good relationship. At about 6 months into our relationship we spoke about going on holiday together and I told her I wanted to go on holiday with her but now I really don’t feel like it anymore. Reason is my gf can have serious mood swings. She might be fine one second and then really angry then next and when I try to talk to her about it she acts like nothing’s happened. It’s really difficult to talk to her about it because it’s either “she didn’t realise her mood changed” or she says ” it’s not that deep”. If we are out together and she has mood swings I normally deal with the situation by dropping her home, basically just giving her space. Now she really wants us to go on holiday together and I’m thinking what happens if she’s having her mood swings what do I do then there’s no where to run. I really don’t want to waste money and not have a good holiday but at the same time I don’t want to hurt her feelings by saying I don’t want to go away with her. Have you got any advice?
4. June 2017
Hey hun, thanks for writing in. Yikes..that can’t be easy to cope with. The only thing you should/can do, is to be upfront and tell her how it is. It may not be that ‘deep’ to her, but explain, it’s so deep to you, that you’re thinking long and hard about committing to the holiday.
I also would suggest you try asking her to seek therapy.. I’m a firm believer in thinking that we all need someone who’s a professional that we can speak to from time to time. There must be a real reason as to why her mood changes frequently.
Oloni
Hi Oloni. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and things have been up and down. My problem is that his homeboys try to get him to sleep with other girls sending him pictures and telling him to sleep with them and discussing their bodies. He doesn’t tell them off. Also he used to date a girl that his friends continuesly give him updates about, it makes me insecure and jealous. I’ve tried talking to him about it but it doesn’t change. I just need some advice.
4. June 2017
That’s so nasty! A partner who can’t correct their friends is not a partner you should want. If he doesn’t speak to his friends, they will only continue their silly behaviour. Have a word with him again and if nothing changes, you need to rethink you relationship.
Oloni
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