Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
Hi Oloni, my girl of 4 years broke up with me last year. we were separated for about a month and she ended up coming back to me and I took her back because I seriously loved her. fast forward to 2 weeks ago, a close friend of hers (who is also a mutual friend with me from before the relationship) told me that whilst we were apart she had sex with an old flame a few times, initially I did not mind because we were not together but i asked who the guy was and did some digging and after being a little more observant, I discover that she still talks to this guy regularly and still likes his post on social media and vice versa she also hangs out with a lot of his friends and I’m sure he must have been there a few times. I don’t know what to do, what makes this even more frustrating is that her reason for breaking up with me is that she had lost attraction for me. I don’t want to become a paranoid person because she came back to me after all but the fact that she’s still in contact with him at all bugs me out. Do I address it and drag our friend into it or just walk away from the whole situation.
3. August 2017
You have to bring it up, it clearly makes you uncomfortable. Her getting back with you doesn’t mean you have to hide all your feelings.
Yes, you weren’t together when she got with someone else, but she should know your thoughts on the closeness of her and the old flame.
Hi Oloni i am 18 and currently considering getting a sugar daddy, I was wondering if you could inform me of what it entails and also give me a link of where i could possibly find one
3. August 2017
I did a thread on it. Search the word Sugar Daddy on here at the very top.
Oloni
Hi Oloni, I just wanted to say that I adore your platform and I’m an avid follower! Okay, so my dilemma is that I have suffered with severe mental health issues for the best part of my adult (and teenaged) life. As a symptom of my issues I’ve done a lot of self harming over time. I’ve left some really nasty scars on the tops of my thighs and I’m terrified of being intimate with any one for fear of them seeing them and freaking out and running away from me. I feel so insecure about the idea of getting naked infront of someone that I feel like I will never have a relationship. Is there anything I can use to full the scars or?? Helpppp
3. August 2017
Thanks for writing in! The truth is a lot of us have insecurities when lying naked with someone. The best thing to do is to work on your confidence and only have sex with people you’re comfortable with.. it’s the most important thing.
If someone you’re comfortable with does eventually ask questions, it’s then up to you to decide whether you want to open up and share.
If you ever do find yourself self harming please try to get help, and if that help isn’t any good, look elsewhere. Thanks again for writing in anon.
Oloni
Oloni may I just say that what you are doing is amazing honestly I’m so happy you’re doing what your doing sex & relationships amongst the black community in the U.K. Seems like such a taboo subject and I’m generally so pleased that you have given women a platform in general to discuss anything. You’re so awesome lma
3. August 2017
thank you!!
oloni
Hi Oloni, I need help my head is all over the place. I’ve been in a relationship for about 6 years and we have a child together. However I feel like he is such an asshole. He hardly helps with our daughter and often just goes out for hours leaving her with me. I’m exhausted but when I express this he calls me lazy. If I ask him for help or anything he literally launches into a string of abuse calling me stupid worthless etc. I’ve caught him cheating several times but he tells me that I’m imagining things or he’ll flip it and ask why am I stalking him. Saying that he can’t trust me as I used to message other guys when we just got together (this is 6 years ago). I just feel so broken and like a nag, I’m constantly unhappy and he does not ever compliment me. I’ve spent the last few years begging for a date and we’ve only been out once. He’s point blank refuses to even go anywhere with me and our daughter since she was born. I just can’t do it anymore. And when I say I want to leave he starts calling me selfish for wanting to. He says I’m being evil because when I was homeless he took me in. But now I know he has no way of surviving I’m leaving him in it. I’ve never felt so guilty for wanting to be happy. Im just stuck and I don’t know what to do. Help
3. August 2017
Hey my love, thank you so much for writing into me. There are so many women who are in similar positions and I’ve literally spoken to some of them.
The first thing I say? Leave. You need to leave and why? Because he already has. This sort of gaslighting is the absolute worst and the guilt he makes you feel is shameful on his part.
You and your child deserve to be happy! Kids can usually pick up when things at home aren’t okay, so please don’t let your child think what you’re going through is normal.
I can’t express enough how much he needs to be out of the house. So he took you in when you first had a child? Does he think he’s mother thereasa? You were carrying HIS child. You don’t owe him anything. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing who treats you terribly. That isn’t how life works sis.
If he won’t leave, then you should. Find a friend, a family member, go to your council.
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