Ask me sex and relationship questions here anonymously. Please make questions as *brief* as possible to make sure you get a response. Please be aware that some dilemmas may be posted on social media platforms and cannot be removed on there or Ask Oloni once submitted. Not all questions sent can be answered due to the high amount received daily. For a QUICK response book aprivate callhere
From a ladies point of view, if you’re talking/seeing someone do you think it’s ok to be seeing and sleeping with other people/ex’s?
20. August 2015
If the ex isn’t one who is a friend. You can’t be loyal to someone you’ve had a few dates and cocktails with if you’re not exclusive.
Hey Oloni. Do you believe in second chance? I’m sure you’ve heard of the phrase “don’t run back to the very thing that hurt you”. I’ve been split up from my ex for a while, and I’m a completely new person. But recently me and my ex have been talking again and the love between us never really went away. I know women should never try and change men, but in order for us to possibly see eachother again and see how it goes, should I at least tell him what I want to be different and see what he says, or should I find someone better and get over it?
20. August 2015
It really depends on the circumstances of why you broke up. Can it be resolved? Will it change? There’s nothing wrong with discussing what you want. Do it and see how it goes.
hi oloni, I’ve recently started dating but the problem is my boyfriend is in contact with a lady that used to be his ‘fuck buddy’ he says there’s nothing going on between them and they are only in contact due to business related. I’m uncomfortable about this and I want to tell him to cut ties with her, do you think this is a good idea?
17. August 2015
Eh if this is making you uncomfortable, then she has to go. Express this to him. Their ‘friendship’ can’t be as important as your relationship.
Hey Oloni my fiancé and I have been together for two years but he has a 4 year old child with his ex girl. The first year we dated his son had a birthday party, I really wanted to attend but he explained his sons mother wasn’t cool with it. I understood and you can say I “stayed in my lane”. A few weeks ago they planned their child’s 4th birthday party and he explained there was no way I could not be able to attend, but on the day she let him know that I was not invited. I stayed home even though he apologised a million times. I have no ill feelings towards the mother of his child or their kid. What do I do? I’m supposed to marry him in December.
16. August 2015
He’s in the wrong for allowing her to continuously treat you this way. If there isn’t a problem between the two of you, his his job is to step up to the plate and makes sure he fight your corner. You’re not a random lady, you’re about to become a part of his family, so she needs to start treating you like so. Talk to him about it and let him know, what you will not stand for. You shouldn’t be excluded from family events especially as important as his child’s.
Hello Oloni, your blog is really cool, amazing and informative. When I was a child, I was raped on many occasions by one of my parents’ really good friends and I’m from a Nigerian community where adults are respected so much and emotional relationships with parents are kind of difficult to make so for a long time I wasn’t able to be open about it but when I did I was told to just try and forget about it and even though I tried to go to the police about it and get him arrested for it, it was too emotional for me to talk about it so the man is still around at social events and whenever I see him I’m told to just pretend like everything is okay since it happened a long time ago. The traumatic experience happened over a decade ago but it still destroys me up to today and I’m now in my late teens and I don’t want to say that it defined me as a person or that I’m now depressed and can’t control my emotions or it has affected every decision I’ve made since then because I’ve been told by Nigerians that I’m not and its just a “white girl phase” but right now I don’t know what to do because I find it difficult to be happy anymore and try to blame it on that. I just don’t know what to do because I have no one to speak to about it. What should I do?
16. August 2015
I’m so sorry to here about this experience. Sadly many young women have been in this traumatic position causing it to seriously harm them emotionally in the future. I would seriously advise that you see someone who specialises in dealing with sexual abuse, such as a therapist or a councillor. You need help and it’s important you get it. It’s important that when YOU’RE ready you have this reported again. He could still be sexually abusing several women and he shouldn’t get away scot free.
Coming from a Nigerian background I can say I understand how you feel in terms of adults always being respected. But this doesn’t mean you should have to suffer for his wrong doings, respect is earned not demanded. You have been disrespected and been told to shun your feelings, over something incredibly serious and harmful.
I really do hope you get all the help you can! Feel free to email me itsoloni@gmail.com
Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Sign up to our mailing list to read our sex and relationship features first.
You have Successfully Subscribed!